I joined this site because I was hoping to find people that may be going through a similar situation as I am..or may have some advice or encouragement for me. To give you a summary - My husband is a recovering addict and has been clean for 4 years. We have been married for 2 years. When I married him he was very open about his past and the fact that both of his parents are addicts; at the time his father was in a rehab facility and hismother was on a methadone program. I am very accepting of them as individuals. My husband's parents were divorced when he was very young and he has never had a stable family life. Siune we got married I have tried my hardest to make us a family; hosting holidays, having them over for dinner and weekends, and overall family time. Recently, things have become difficult. About a month ago while my mother-in-law was visiting I found bags of dope in our bathroom. I asked my husband why they were because I didn't know what they were; it was small wax paper looking things, like what a razor blade would come in...anyway, I asked whose are these and my husband said they weren't his so I asked my mother-in-law and she said "They're not mine!" So my train of thought was 1) My husband has never given me any reason to doubt him...so why shoudl I now, though admnittedly it was in the back of my head a a possibility, and 2) By my mother-in-law denying them as being hers, then she is insinuating that they are my husbands. I was pissed! Eventually she admitted they were hers. My reaction was that I did not want her back in our home. My husband asked me to give her another chance. Two weeks later we were picking up my stepkids (my husband has 2 kids) and decided to bring her home so she can help watch them on Saturday while my husband went to work and I attended my morning class. I know it was too soon to give her so much leeway but I wanted to give her another chance and had hoped things would go well since the kids were there...well was I sorely mistaken. I receievd a frantic call from my neighbor 30 minutes after leaving home to attend my class to find out that my mother-in-law OD'd in my bathroom and the kids found her lying on the floor, turning purple and called 911. Let me say that I felt like the WORST parent EVER! That's the first part of my story...

Now we recently had a hurricane hit NJ and and lost power for 8 days. My father in law rents a room in town and doesn't have food so I told my husband to pick him up so he can wait out the storm with us. 4 days into the blackout I go to use my bathroom and find bags of dope! Again I ask whose they are my husband looks at me like, "come on babe you k now they aren't mine" and i know whose they are because we don't have this mysterious dope problem unless my in laws are around. Naturally, my father-in-law denied they were his but eventually fessed up. I am again feeling like I don't want them around, now here lies my dilemma and stress:

Next week is Thanksgiving and prior to the dope incidents our plans were to have his family come to our home and the kids. I do not feel comfortable with them coming over especially witht he kids there. At this point I feel like I need to put my foot down and create boundaries because they obviously do not respect our home, my husband and my relationship, or the kids. This is causing problems in my marriage because it is putting my husband in the middle; I don't want them around and he wants me to give them more chances. I feel like they are dangerous to his recovery and sobriety and to the welfare of our stepkids. But I am also empathetic towards the position my husband is in and the stress this is causing. Stress is not something that recovering addicts handle well, at least not all of them and my fear is that my husband is becoming overwhelmed. It's a very stressful situation because I don't hate my inlaws, I just want them to respect our home. Am I being too harsh by un-inviting them for Thanksgiving? I feel like the bad guy but I also feel like they created this situation and now I am resenting them because it is causing arguments between me and my husbands, at the end of the day those are his parents and I hate that I am in the position where I have to say they cannot come to our home. It's just sucks all around. Am I being to harsh? Should I let them come over even though they are using in my home? I know what I've done but is it the right thing to do?
Posted on 11/14/12, 03:11 pm