The answer is short and just awful, unfortunately. Your sister may not enter your home. Period. Your niece may not be ready to kick her mother out. That is a big step and SO hard to do! Seeing the compassion in a decision to kick someone out just goes against every fiber of our beings as caring, concerned family members! But this means that your niece may not be able to live with you. Try to keep love, patience, and understanding in your heart for your niece who must choose between enabling and doing something so hard. Keep the same for yourself and if your niece cannot be kind to you, understand she may well come around to seeing your point of view later in life. But you have worked hard for your boundaries, your home, and your peace of mind. You deserve all three. At her age, your sister can be expected to support herself. Perhaps once she has maintained a home and sobriety for 12 months, you could invite her for coffee. Until that is the case, she will have to do without the comforts of your home which she has abused and no longer has a right to expect.

Thank you for your insight, I have to admit I have been thinking the same thing. Just to clarify, my sister is not living with us, my niece invited her for a visit which lasted for a week and yes, I did put my sister out. I'm trying to help my niece put her life back together, but she's been conditioned to enable her mother's behavior, making excuses, taking the blame, etc. I guess what I am searching for is a way to begin a dialog that will help my niece see what I see.

How about researching alateen meetings? Or families anonymous? There she will have those her age to relate to. It's always hard for the kids to hear from someone that isn't a neutral party. Wish I knew about those meetings for my sons back in the day.

You could also try finding a counselor specializing in sus stance abuse issues. They will help you find the right way to handle these things.

My mom was an addict. I'm 56 now and I have lived the life of protector...fixer etc. never got me far. But I had no one to talk to as a kid. Thankfully she has you. Honestly there aren't any magic words to say to her. You will be a wonderful role model for her. You can make all the difference in her life.

You can only tell her mommy is sick and needs help. You can encourage her to let adults handle things and enjoy her fun times as a young lady. Maybe research some books that can explain things on her level. I don't know if there are but try. It would help if you attended some meetings as well. Find a network of people who face these issues and see how they handle them.

I wish you all well. I always feel so good when I see other family members stepping up and helping these kids. I've gone it alone and it's horrible. God bless you.

Sorry just read again and saw she was an adult. Still she should find meetings for support and find some codependent groups and books.

yes. given up is right...
daughter needs to go to meetings...or counseling at a rehab...get set straight on not enabling....
and not putting you in that position.
if she can't set boundaries, than you have to do it.
your house. your rules.
and that would be a gift for your niece.

thank you so much for your replies, this helps a lot. Yes, we have talked about counseling (Nar Anon; Al Anon) I'm even thinking about going with her.

counseling was great us. we went to where my son was rehabing...it was short and intense and taught me sooooo much.
we can all use support.