Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

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How can you get away when He won't leave?

happywannab
happywannab
Three years ago I was "played" by a man that I thought loved me. He seemed too good to be true and after a 20 year marriage to a drunk had ended I actually thought God had given me a second chance to have a happy family. I had two teenagers and he had two younger boys. We moved in together (my house) and about 6 months later the truth came out! He was addicted to crack. We got him clean from that then he started drinking. Not good at all. He quit that ...then came the Oxy addiction. The whole time I am paying the bills, taking care of the kids and doing all the proper things to support him in "getting clean". He will for a while then slide right back down. I want out! I can't do this anymore! His boys now 10 and 11 have not been raised right and are more than I can fix with him in the picture. I get them on track and he tells them not to worry about whatever I tell them to do (homework, cleaning, etc). He will not leave! He took a down turn a few weeks back, lost his job and refuses to get out of bed! I know he is depressed, etc...meanwhile...I work raise the kids and do everything and I am tired!! I don't have money to move me and my daughter and he will not leave! He is smart he put the cable bill (that I pay) in his name to show he has the right to live here. I can't even have him evicted! How can I get away?? I can't take this anymore!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Quit paying the cable bill! If your name is the only one of the lease/mortgage, you have every right to kick him to the curb. If you are done and you are ready to move on, don't buy any of his excuses. Stand up for your self and reclaim your home and your life. Be grateful that it didn't take as long to see the picture this time. Don't ignore your gut. Don't feel trapped in your own home. Reclaim your life and move on. 99% of what you wrote is clear as day. Only the cable bill stands in your way. Cancel the cable or quit paying it or change providers- whatever you have to do- it's minor and totally worth it.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hello its hard, I know! Iam with someone, but we are not married. We have been together 12 years. I love him. Iam here if you need someone. Karen
katrinka
katrinka
You need to check legal rights in your state. In some states you cannot kick someone out who has been living in the same home.
I want to say, you were not played. You were married to a alcoholic for 20 yrs and most likely didn't realize you went to the same type of person. They can be quite sweet when they want to be. I am sure he did love you, his loving you and his addiction are totally separate. A lot of people think addicts will quit because they love me. Not true, there is a lot more to it,
I feel for his son's, where is their mom. Sad to hear 10 and 11 yr olds will be following in dads footsteps.
If house isn't yours, have you considered quit paying all bills, and save money to move out.
happywannab
happywannab
That is the problem, in my state I can't kick him out since he has had mail here and a bill in his name. Means he was invited to stay. The boys Mom hasn't been in their lives since they were 6 months and a year and a half old. Drugs involved there too. He knows I am trying to get away now so for the last few days he has been "Wondeful" with me and the kids! Such a shame...He can be so great, too bad it won't last it never does. He just go to any length to try to make me believe and stick it out. Just don't see a light at the end of this tunnel! ANd yes I believe you are right in that I am drwn to the same type of person but why??? Think it has something to do with insecurity on my part. Easy to feel better about yourself when you hook up with someone weaker I guess. Sad all the way around!
SmilingGlo
SmilingGlo
Happy- Drastic scenarios call for drastic measures. Even the states that are lenient in tenant rights have a process for eviction, do your research and get started IMMEDIATELY. In the interim, you have more power than you realize...start limiting the utilities, entertainment, and the food supply. Take care of yourself and the children, if he's hungry tell him to get out of bed, find a job, and earn a meal. Utilize whatever support network you have for YOURSELF and your daughter, if you need to get the child services authorities involved to address his parenting skills for his own kids, so be it, MOVE FORWARD. Please don't feel responsible, he's counting on that, he does not have to step up because you're doing it for him. Please, if you do not break the cycle it will continue to repeat, look to YOURSELF for change, not him. We are ALL here for you, check in often, Happy, vent scream and update on progress, your hand is being held across the country, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
jgulli
jgulli
Happy...I have the same issue with my husband. When I get DONE, he turns into an angel. I got so desperate that I called children protective services on myself! They told me that I had to go down to the courthouse and get a PFA and have him removed from the home. The court doesn't want you and the children being abused. Mentally or physically. In my case when he sweet talked his way back home, and I went back to the courthouse to vacate the order, the judge ammended it for me. She said that she was not going to leave a mother and 5 children unprotected from an addict. She ordered that he complete a drug rehab program and remain off drugs. If he relapsed, he was evicted from the home again.
I would recommend that you call the local womans shelter. They have legal advocates that can help you with paperwork, and are a great form of support. We are all here for you too. Good luck and if you have any questions, feel free to ask me!
Take care of you!
Jeannette
jms7229
jms7229
Smiling glo said it amazingly well!!!!!