Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
My husband stopped drinking, for the most part, a few months ago. He is not in a program and did not stop completely, but maybe had a few beers here and there.
Now, he is back to drinking vodka and it causes him to be a horrible person. He is not violent towards me, but he is extremely angry and brings up past things from growing up, and how everything I do is wrong.
Last night, it was a nightmare. He was just beyond belief. I won't go into details, but just things that would be incomprehensible to most.
I am sick to my stomach today and I am not sure where to go next. He is between his seasonal jobs and will not go back to work for at least a couple of weeks, and I am sure he will continue drinking during this time. He is also on Xanax for anxiety, which really helps when he is not drinking.
I am so lost, and I am supposed to be going away this weekend with my son- just one night, but I am so nervous leaving him home to do whatever or blame me for going away.
I am a nervous wreck and just had to take my own anxiety medicine. I hate living like this - it is truly a nightmare.
Now, he is back to drinking vodka and it causes him to be a horrible person. He is not violent towards me, but he is extremely angry and brings up past things from growing up, and how everything I do is wrong.
Last night, it was a nightmare. He was just beyond belief. I won't go into details, but just things that would be incomprehensible to most.
I am sick to my stomach today and I am not sure where to go next. He is between his seasonal jobs and will not go back to work for at least a couple of weeks, and I am sure he will continue drinking during this time. He is also on Xanax for anxiety, which really helps when he is not drinking.
I am so lost, and I am supposed to be going away this weekend with my son- just one night, but I am so nervous leaving him home to do whatever or blame me for going away.
I am a nervous wreck and just had to take my own anxiety medicine. I hate living like this - it is truly a nightmare.
you can not "cure" his drinking. Once you realize that none of this
has nothing to do with you, the better you should feel. No one is
that powerful. Please try and get some support and learn some more
of alanon or another programs tools for helping care for you!
Rosanne
No one needs to live day in and out with an active addict. It reeks havoc on your spirit, and your health. Unless they decide it time to quit they won't. There are ways to try and help them decide to quit, but that does take time and it is work. If your interested read the book. Get Your Love One Sober. It will give you tools to make chances in yourself and and maybe in him. You will learn to go have fun with your son and let husband stay home if that is what he chooses. Also will give you strength as you learn to set some boundaries.
In in the end you may decide he isn't going to stop and you need to leave and do whats best for you and your son.
go with your son enjoy it , you cannot control what he does when you are away,it is not your job to be his watchdog/mommy. you deserve a lifestyle of your own choosing.
jms - that sounds exactly like my husband. He was addicted to opiates several years ago - I almost left, and it was the worst it had ever been. He started on something called Suboxone and it helped him stop, but now he is still on the suboxone and I am not sure what will ever happen with that.
It is a medical mix that, to me, can be deadly.
Keeping my fingers crossed that tonight will be better.
I am in a similar thing, myself. Except it is a long-term relationship, we're not married. He is a recovering drug-addict/alcoholic. He has not touched cocaine in a couple years, I think. He has not drank in 10 months....until last month. I guess I was naive - after 10 months of sobriety, I thought this was behind him.
He is also bi-polar...so, the bi-polar meds aren't as effective when he drinks.
Sometimes, you wonder, with all these guys and all their various addictions and all the things they've done to their brain....can they ever totally recover? I am at the end of my rope.
This is what I did. I don't know if it will help you, I don't know if it's even something you want to do....but I'll say it anyway. I am taking a break from our relationship. No seeing each other, no phone calls, etc. I told him that I needed a break, so I am taking one.
I often think I should leave, but can't seem to manage to do that. But I can take a step towards it. It has been a week. It is a wonderful break from the emotional rollercoaster!
The only really hard part is that I have no idea what he is doing....if he is drinking or not or using or what. But I push that thought out of my mind, and remind myself that I am on vacation from him, and focusing on my own life now.
I told him I would think about if I could continue. We decided we would not actually break up, and would not see other people, but we would take a vacation. Hopefully, this will help him to realize what life is like without me, and help him to understand that there is such a thing a repercussions to his actions....
...and I don't just mean the drinking. I also mean that he doesn't treat me right....in fact, sometimes, I wonder who he really is. He very recently weaned himself off his bi-polar meds (which I think caused the drinking), and he was SO different....I've never known him when he wasn't on meds. It was scary because I didn't know who he was, he was so different.