You're a very strong woman, hang in there! Just know this is the best for him in the long run.

Know that we are rooting for Matt! And you dear one.. Praying for you for peace.. Love ya Dee

Hi Dee - no need to explain your reactionary decision to step back b/c those of us who have and are going through this same situation understand all-too well. Anyway, based on your post I'm seeing a lot of hope written in your words. I believe that Matt's actions and reactions are a real hopeful sign to his recovery.

You know my son's story but when my daughter (now 24) was 17 she got into some issues that forced us to have her taken to a lock-down shelter and unlike her brother, she was devistated, broke down and cried her heart out. A lot of her actions & reactions related to the entire ordeal - physical separation, loss of freedom and reprocusions to her personal property were similar to Matt's.

Today she's a responsible mom and also a nurse that helps young adults harmed by drugs and told me recently that experience changed her life. So based on Matt's actions, I'm hopeful that his lightbulb will finally come on. So in the meantime we'll continue to burn that candle of hope for him...

Cyndee of course the story of your daughter is so wonderful that she was able to turn her life around with that experience. I agree that Matt really was shaken to his core on this one. I can only hope he never forgets how horrible his six days spent in jail were. I wish your son would have seen it to earlier on . Too many times my son skated by without real consequences like in 10 grade he got caught with pot in school I wished they would have called the police on him then instead because he was honest with the principal and respectful he was kicked out of school for 3 months and I had to take him to the local library for a few hours a day to meet with his tutor. That was a punishment for me and a vacation for him! Other times he had just left an area when the cops swooped in and arrested his friends on drug related charges. Between his young age and his often near misses I believe he developed his superman complex where nothing can hurt me attitude developed. As much as I hate to say it in many ways I am glad he got arrested because it truly may be the thing that saves him. Two years ago when I first came here I would have been the first one to tell you that being arrested would not have really mattered to him and that is because he was so in deep with heroin at the time that NOTHING else would have mattered. In the last two years since then Matt really has come a long long way . He has not used heroin in a year and 5 months but he has dabbled with plenty if other crap on and off . He tryed alcohol that didn't work too well a few fist fights with others later he realized it wasn't working for him.other drugs here and there one by one he seemed to stop messing with them for whatever his reasons this time it was cocaine. I'm glad it came to this because he has so much to lose right now his freedom his car his job his girlfriend and the support ( but never the love) of his family. Blue I always remember you talking about the humiliation of your son being on court tv well Matt made the local newsletter mug shot and all. I know how you feel. When he called from jail that night I wS not home I was out looking for him so I didn't speak to him till the next day when he called crying how sorry he was. Of course I was so sad mostly because I had warned him for so very long this would happen sooner or later but being so thick headed and again skating free so many times before while he had drugs on him only boosted his invincible attitude. He now knows I wasn't being ridiculous I was right . His head is on so much straighter than it was two years ago and hopefully he will end up with a long probation of drug testing that will help give him the time to mature further with a clear head. A couple if the restrictions we have placed on him for coming home are of course drug testing no hanging in his old area where there are too many old acquaint ices that he shouldn't be with or near. He is going to an addictions medical group to receive more counseling and psychological testing. His girlfriend is welcome here she had no drug problems and that in itself makes me love her. Rent is to paid as well as his payment to us to payback his legal fees. If this will help him I am more than glad to do it but I know he knows I'm done I can't help him anymore if he continues to do stupid things. My husband is even more on board then ever he has had enough too. His bosses are really wonderful people who recognize Matthew has a lot if talent and is a very hard worker but in fairness to them he drives a company truck and they have slot to risk if he screws up again so they are really coming down hard on him and he needs it. I feel like I finally have some back up his job the law and us I'm not fighting alone I have stepped behind the ropes like a boxers manager I am rooting from the sidelines hoping this time he delivers the knockout blow to the world if drugs!!!!

I hope this does it for him too. It does for lots of people, and then they don't come here anymore.
I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. This is so exhausting and heartbreaking for all of us. Sometimes, I have to take a break from being here because it brings me back to how awful I used to feel. He has every available resource to be able to make it. I can only pray the insanity of addiction loosens it's hold on him.
You are a wonderful family. A strong and loving support, doing all the right things with love, boundaries and help and responcibilities....I know you are all doing everything you can.

Dee I know you're exhausted - both physically and mentally from all the chaos and appalaude your fortitude & perservance - and know it's tough as Hell to hold your head up when faced with such public scrutiny - arrest, jail, news media and the associated heartaches that comes with it. The road you were on (just b-4 you went ring-side) is what I have come to call the Highway from Hell and need-less-to-say is toughest on a marriage and/or relationship.

Please know that you've done all you can for him and now it's his turn to carry the load 99.9% toward his recovery. With that I'd like to encourage you to start on your relationship recovery process sooner rather than later - plan and force yourselves to do things together; plan a trip, start a date night regime, take Sunday drives, involve yourself in a shared hobby like golf, ballroom dancing, fishing, hiking, etc...

My point is that even though it may look okay on the surface Matt's chaos caused damage deep below the surface and while it may not show now it will eventually, in subtle & slow ways like it did for me and my husband b/c it will creep up on you like a disease the CDC would find tough to flight.

Hang in there and know you're definately NOT alone in this battle. ~~HUGS across the miles...

My dear friend, You have come so far in your knowledge and the manner in which you are handling this situation. You are a devoted mother. I am walking by your side in silence and Matt has never left my prayers. He will do this Dee, I know he will and can. You are now stepping aside so that he may embrace sobriety. love you!sister