My story is like many of yours dealing with addiction. My husband has been an alcoholic for 20 years. He has suffered incarcerations, hospitalizations (near death) , and tremendous set backs due to his addiction. In fact, I have suffered along with him for the past 7 years. The road is tough and I know the feeling of wanting to give up. Everyone of us have our own story and degrees of difficulty with our addicts so its unfair to say that what worked for me would work for all, However I want to share with you my experience. Like I said my husband has suffered many years and too many times I wanted to give up. I felt like no matter how much I loved him and how much I worked at saving our marriage their was no defeat to the bottle. Each time I found a bottle I felt betrayed and felt disappointed. Like many of you I felt like I was living a living hell and felt stupid for sticking around. However, I prayed and kept my faith that one day he would see the light. I fought against the bottle instead of him by throwing any bottle I found and keeping control of the money as best I could. We never carry cash so all he ever carries is a debit card so I monitor all expenses. Of course he found ways to get money anyway but at least I made sure our primary income was not being wasted on booze.

I used strategy instead of fighting to combat his demons. First of all, I made sure he was not around alcohol influence such as bad friends or entering bars and used good cooking and other modes of entertainment to keep him from wanting to drink. I planned frequent trips, I found events to go to, I enrolled him in a gym and started him in guitar lessons. I encouraged all kinds of extra curricular activities simply to keep his mind off of drinking. He also enrolled in school full time and was able to maintain his GPA at a 3.0. I know for some, being able to go to school is not an option but for us because I have great employment he had the luxury of not working. He always worked the restaurant industry and I found that the late hours and the inconsistent work hours did not help his recovery. He for sure needed a more routine workplace so he decided to go back to school to pursue a new industry.

At first, no matter that I was doing these things he still managed to sneak his drinks however after some time I noticed that it was less and less. I talked to him daily about sobriety and faith and used encouragement as much as I could even though I knew at times he was sneaking a drink. My strategy was to kill his addiction with kindness. I did not feed the demon with greater hostility even though let me tell you it was hard at times. I would be so angry that I wanted to fight however I would gather strength and ask God to help me by providing me with the patience and understanding that this disease could not be defeated by force.

I am happy to say that today my husband is doing wonderfully. He is working hard every day and coming home sober and motivated to live life to the fullest. He has aspirations now and most of all he has routine, WE have routine. So here is my recipe for success:
* Have faith, if you love your spouse and you believe in him, don't give up
* Be consistent and follow through with what you say your going to do.
* Be a good wife, keep the home clean, make nice dinners, keep the entertainment such as going to the movies,art centers, theaters, events
* Throw away the booze you find and don't encourage drinking in anyway
* Go to Church and if you can get them to a meeting even better
* Dont fight! Dont argue with a drunk! Do your very best to pick your battles wisely
* Find something for them to do. If they have a hobby, encourage it. I bought my husband a guitar, an art easel and paint, tools for carpentry , etc.. Whatever I would hear him say he would love to do, I encouraged it as much as I could. Again, anything to keep their mind off of drinking
* Kill the demon with kindness!! Love your spouse and be as supportive as you can. I know this is hard especially when your battling such a significant demon however its a must. Keep your cool and be patient!

I realize that my suggestions are not for everyone. However, I wanted to share my success with all of you and perhaps it might work for another. I know how hard it is to deal with alcoholism, it sucks royally! But I am so happy right now with how things are working out for me. I'm not suggesting that my relationship is perfect nor am I saying that I have all the answers because I don't. I'm just saying that this strategy has brought forth the most success in my life. My husband will always be an alcoholic and I am aware of the chance of relapse however i am prepared to fight for him, for me, and for us. There is no way in hell I will allow the demon to win without a fight!
Good luck!!