Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

1,905 Members
8,121 Posts
0 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Hit the fan/hurtin/sort of graphic.

cisl4him
cisl4him
I'm not sure what else to say except I am hurting. My husband decided he was going to come over and sleep over on Christmas Eve and act like all is well. he tried calling me "Babe". He asked me to take off his socks while he lay on the couch. I said "no, you have been dong it for 7 months, I think you can keep doing it". Then he said , with my son in the room, after I said "no". Thanks nurse Cissy, trying to make me look like a fool.

Then I had the perfect opportunity to go through his cell phone, bittersweet.
I saw sexual texts going to the woman I met the other day. Sick..... It said "bite me " and "or should i say bruse me". I can't believe I bought him christmas gifts. He has been trying to win me back for weeks and more so in the past two since I filed and I find out he is screwing some girl he met at a bar.

God help me please, god help me. Then when I confront my addict husband at 1 am, he starts yelling at me swears and saying "this is why I left. So I flashed him my breasts and said "see these, you won't ever see these again." then he says "come here" OMG. I know I should not have done that but i was so lost and upset.

I guess only an addict would turn the tables on me and blame me for his actions instead of saying sorry.

Well, the last laugh is on him, because I called the number and the girls boyfriend happen to answer and now he knows what is going on and said he will get to the bottom of it. Can't wait to see what happens.

I know I am wrong and acting like a baby and especially b/c I was unfaithful too but WE had reconciled and all that was behind us and his involvement with someone too and then he relapses and leaves me.

I want this hurting to stop. Thanks for listening.
Posted on 12/25/11, 06:47 pm
deleted_user
deleted_user
My goodness Christmas can be hell. Big hugs to you. So hard, when you don't trust but instincts are so often right. I went through my partners phone this morning. I knew she'd been drinking. I knew she was lying to me. Eventually she owned up to some of it. I wouldn't have had the strength to stick to what I was sure I knew if I hadn't seen the phone to back me up. Wish I was stronger. Wish there was honesty. So hard not to get drawn in and behave in a way I wouldn't advise oter people to do. Small comfort in seeing you went for the phone too but we know it is wrong.

Maybe one day we will have peace and serenity in our lives and won't feel the need to look. Maybe one day we won't even care, who knows.
So much for 'happy' christmas.
Will only be happy if WE make it happy I guess.

Best of luck for a good boxing day. x
cisl4him
cisl4him
LillianF...it is especially hard when I also was deceptive at one time in our marriage and it has contributed to the breakdown.

I have not had many opportunities to go through his phone since he left 7 months ago and I felt God opened a window of opportunity b/c of the suffering I have been experiencing. I now know for sure I cannot allow Bill one moment of opportunity to try to manipulate me back into a relationship with him. I did always trust him most of our marriage and he trusted me but when both parties are Bipolar, one is stable and the other is not which is now, me being stable and he not it makes the relationship almost impossible.

I'm sorry for your pain also. I am glad that the holidays are almost over.
dmatt124
dmatt124
My dear friend, I think it is time to let him go, because his addiction is now becoming your addiction. You are not acting like a baby you are acting like someone who is so desperate to get this man to respond in a positive manner and he doesn,t have the where with all to do so. You are trying to get a response where he will say ah! I get it it. But he's not, you will get more of a response if any when he sees that you will no linger enable him, you will no longer allow his addiction to become yours.you need to be away from this for you. You need to have some clarity for you. So that you can make smart choices for you and your children, ask yourself these questions when you go through his cell phone what will you do with what you find? Is it going to change anything? Letting this other man know the situation will it change anything? This will only stop when you no longer allow it to continue, easier said then done I know, but I read the desperation in your words and you need to take this energy and refocus it on YOUR future. You deserve to be happy, what ever you did in the past did not make your husband an addict Nd it certainly doesn't mean you need to be a victim of his addiction,. You have the strength inside of you dig deep and believe you have it and believe you can have a better life. You are in my prayers.
cardinal39
cardinal39
well said dmatt,,,,,,, I ditto everything dmatt replied,,, Cis,,, you can't change him,,, but you can change your surroundings,,,, either let the door hit you in the face,,, or walk through it,,,, why keep looking through the phone,,, would it matter,, .. stop Girl,,,, look in a mirror,,, your hurt is Only going to stop,,, if YOU make it stop,,, quit waiting on him to stop,,,, if you want happiness,, then girl,,,, only you can make yourself happy!,,,,, stand up be proud,,, we got your back sista!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Ciss, have you gone to any programs for friends and families of addicts?
Such as Alanon and there are a couple others.. I can`t remember the names right now but they could really be helpful to you..
They even have them on-line if you can`t get to them physically but they are always better f2f...
Wishing you better days ahead. You deserve it. We all do!
katrinka
katrinka
I agree with matt124 you are addicted to him. The only way to get pass this addiction is to have no contact. His voice can trigger a relapse. So like the addict you relapse and then feel like crap afterwards.
You read the truth so now say to yourself I deserve better and don't settle for less.
Your moving forward so keep heading in that direction!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I can feel the pain you are in just reading your post....how much more can you or do you want to take?

We can't go back and change the past, so can only look to the future. You have everything within you it takes to make a good life for yourself if you choose to do so.

I agree, be gentle with yourself and find the strength to let go so you can be open to all the good that is waiting for you.

Keep us posted!
BNB
deleted_user
deleted_user
I can feel the pain you are in just reading your post....how much more can you or do you want to take?

We can't go back and change the past, so can only look to the future. You have everything within you it takes to make a good life for yourself if you choose to do so.

I agree, be gentle with yourself and find the strength to let go so you can be open to all the good that is waiting for you.

Keep us posted!
BNB
deleted_user
deleted_user
I can feel the pain you are in just reading your post....how much more can you or do you want to take?

We can't go back and change the past, so can only look to the future. You have everything within you it takes to make a good life for yourself if you choose to do so.

I agree, be gentle with yourself and find the strength to let go so you can be open to all the good that is waiting for you.

Keep us posted!
BNB
lori47
lori47
Cissy, I too was unfaithful at one time in my marriage to my ex, an alcoholic. That was 18 years prior to our split. And you know what, he blamed that on why his drinking got out of control. It took my counselor to make to remember serveral out of control alcoholic incidents prior to my affair. I hit bottom when he said that was the incident that made his self esteem go down.

Part of me will always wonder, but when I look back, I know that I more than made up for what I had done in the distant past. Mind you, he also had a revenge affair.....but still tried to blame me when he left me for an alcoholic!

If I had known then what I know now, I would have walked away realizing my affair would never really be forgiven. Instead, wasted another 18 years of my life trying to make up for it just to be devasted with him leaving me for someone else.

I have to make myself be objective of our situation and realize it will never work because as an alcoholic, my ex cannot love me like I deserve to be loved.
lori47
lori47
Katrinka....I totally agree....we are addicted to them. I have been split for 18 months and still struggling with my addiction to him. Read the alocholism board and some of the symptoms they describe while trying to avoid alcohol is how I feel trying to avoid contact with my ex...and I fall off the wagon way too much.