Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

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Melismarie 11/07/2013

My boyfriend died 7 months ago. He was an alcoholic. He had been in and out of detox several times and a 30 day rehab program. 3 weeks out of the program he relapsed. His friends, family, and myself were trying to help him reach rock bottom. We cut him off, he lost his business, etc. It was all very sad.

The day he died, he was with his former roommate from the 30 day rehab facility. His roommate was in there for heroin. Well, my boyfriend went missing for a couple days. But, to find out, that he was with this roommate who had also relapsed. They were both drinking heavily and then decided to shoot up. And my boyfriend died within minutes.

For the past seven months, I believed that he went into an alcoholic coma. Today, the autopsy was shared with me. Heroin was in his system. His dad believes this was a suicide. Supposedly his last words were "I have no other option." I'm in complete shock. I would never imagined heroin. I don't even know what to think or feel. I'm completely numb. I feel as if I just found out he died. I wouldn't even have ever imagined him trying heroin. Had he done it before? For all I knew he was a severe alcoholic. His BAC at his death was a .42.

I'm not even sure how to rap my head around all of this. I'm so angry. I feel like I've been punched in the stomach. I was so desperately missing my boyfriend and now I find out he was used heroin. Any words of wisdom. I could sure use it. My heart has been broken all over again.

cardinal39 11/07/2013

So sorry for your loss,, it's what all of us fear everyday,,, more then likely, you may never get the answer, but I'm thinking this was not his first rodeo with heroin,,, most drinkers, mix marijuna cocaine, pills,shooting heroin ( in the vaines) is a instant euphoric feeling, that puts them in a world of awwwwwww , not that I've ever experienced it, but I've educated, gained the trust of users,, and I mentor in the woman's jail,,, also my daughter is a heroin addict,,,not that I'm a professional by any means,,, heroin is the most addictive, destructive drug out there,, there also a term used, that when they stop using one, they do another which then the term being cleaned never exsist,, from what I'm reading,, there is nowhere stated any kind of program of recovery he was working,, the misconception of a 28 day rehap,, is they do not use for those 28 days , so important for them to have a follow up "recovery " program is so vital,,,a true recovering addict,, puts sweat and blood into staying clean,,, it's truly like they need to re-program their brain,, so perhaps mourn for your boyfriend, remember the beautiful moments you had with him,, he was a sick man, that could not break free from the strong hold of addiction,, don't dwell I the what if,, it will only take you hostage,,
May you find peace, and the light in your darkness,,

blueviolet725 11/07/2013

The main thing is that he died from his addictions. It doesn't matter what they are...He may have done heroin because he was so wasted with alcohol he didn't even know what he was doing.
We may never know how or why he died, but we know he suffered terribly in his life. He is free and at peace. I hope you can find some too.
A .42 is pretty amazingly high. Maybe you are just letting yourself finally feel the anger you should have gone through months ago.
It is ok. feel it, that is what makes us healthier than the addict. Just don't get stuck there. Peace to you.

dmatt124 11/07/2013

I'm very sorry for your loss. I guess we are so programmed to think drugs are worse than alcohol, but truly it's all a part of addiction. It is perfectly ok to feel sad, angry and disappointment but also know he was sick, it's so hard to understand sometimes. Stay strong and know that sometimes the demon is to much for the addict, he is truly at peace.

kimpalmer 11/08/2013

Melismarie, I am sorry for your loss.. Addiction is so very cruel.. Anger is a very real stage of grief... Please, just don't get stuck there... Thinking of you.

deehigs 11/08/2013

First of all I am so very sorry for your loss. I remember the day my 18 yr old son admitted to me that he was doing heroin . It literally broke my heart. I was completely shocked couldn't believe what I was hearing how on earth could this be?? I think it takes time to sink in and really realize that it doesn't really matter what the drug of choice is addiction is a terrible affliction whether it is alcohol heroin crack meth etc... The devastation is still the same. The saddest part in all of it is that the addicts really do suffer no one wants to be an alcoholic or drug addict as my friend Cardinal often says the drug use is just a symptom of the disease. I hope you find Peace and will keep you and your boyfriend and his family in my prayers. Some day you may be able to take comfort in the fact that he is no longer suffering I only wish he could have found his way before succumbing to this terrible disease, Dee

deleted_user 11/08/2013

Is it the heroine or the fact that his firend gave it to him that is making you so angry? It is a trageic and senseless loss and I am so sorry for your pain. He is gone and the best way for the survivors to honor him is by letting the pain and anger go. His journey will be much easier where ever he is going if you can remember the good times and forgive him and the friend. He loved you. You love him. Some times there is no good explanation. Try to take solace that he is no longer suffering. You are in my prayers.

marg6300 11/12/2013

I am so sorry for your loss. Everyone of us here is terrified our loved one could end up dead. Addiction sucks! you have a right to feel angry and hurt and anything else you need to feel. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. We are all here for you and mourning the loss of your loved one right beside you.. Please be gentle with yourself right now.

Hugs and prayers being sent your way...
Marg

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