Why must they be so selfish? Is this behavior common among most alcoholics? Is getting drunk more important than anything or anyone to them? Do they really want to be so selfish or is it just because they are addicted to a substance?

For many of us these questions probably have a few curse words mixed in with the sentences because we are so angry with the problem drinker in our lives.

We grit our teeth, kick the tree, slam the car door and the phone when we are mad at them. Sometimes we even throw the phone or whatever we have in our hand at the moment the alcoholic acts so self-centered.

Understanding why an alcoholic lies, why they stand us up and why a drink is more important than the family plans, may be impossible. Your answers will be found in acceptance.

Let me turn this in a different direction.

If you can understand why your alcoholic spouse, child, parent, friend or co-worker is so selfish, will it make a hill of beans of a difference?

Do you think for a moment that by understanding why they treat the dog better than they treat you that this will make them quit drinking?

If you can figure out what makes them act this way will you feel more loved by them?

By chance, will you be more at peace if you can get the satisfaction of knowing what is really making them act this way?

Let me make this really simple to understand.

Alcoholics are just selfish, now read onIn AA, its said that alcoholism is cunning baffling and powerful.

They are addicted to a substance that has commandeered their minds. Thats why many alcoholics drink in the morning. All they can think about is where they will get the next drink from. Its a physical craving that the mind will not let loose of. If youve ever wondered what goes on in the mind of an addict, its a constant obsession to get the next drink.

Now, with that being said, you should have an understanding of why an alcoholic is so selfish.

Your only option is to accept the fact that this is an attribute of the personality of alcoholism. Once you have an understanding that nothing you say or do is going to change their selfishness, the less expectations you will have.

Heres how it works!

When we stop expecting the alcoholic to act a certain way that they are not capable of doing because of their constant obsession to get a drink, we will have less disappointments and resentments to deal with. Stop fighting a battle that you will never win and just accept that a drink of alcohol is more important to an alcoholic than their business, children, husband, wife or job.

http://alcoholicsfriend.com/2010/06/understanding-selfish-alcoholics/

http://www.orange-papers.org/orange-secrets.html

Although there isnt any such thing as a typical alcoholic, there are some common character traits that are shared by many victims of the disease. On page 62 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous we learn that the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesnt think so.

What can you do if you are faced with this problem in a family member or friend? No matter how badly your self-esteem has been damaged, you can begin now to regain your emotional balance and recover from the effects of someone elses alcoholic selfishness.

Self-Absorbed Alcoholics Hurt Others Without Realizing It

An important part of learning how to cope with a self-absorbed alcoholic is to understand the disease. Al-Anon is a fellowship of individuals who are learning all they can about the disease and helping families of alcoholics find serenity. Thousand of people come to Al-Anon every year in search of answers, and most of them arrive feeling completely frustrated, hurt, angry, and demoralized because of someone elses alcohol problem.

http://suite101.com/article/the-self-absorbed-and-self-centered-alcoholic-a122514

I know you are hurting and most likely not want to hear what I say.......But you are better off without him.
He went to rehab, and after 28 days come home and went back to drinking. During this time he manipulated you and by your post almost had you believing that he could have some Corona's in the fridge and not drink them. There is no way an alcoholic can have beer around after only 28 days in rehab and not drink it. Then he wasn't calling you, wasn't coming around; why because he was with someone else and couldn't be man enough to tell you. He may of met this person in rehab that is very common.
I'm sorry but this guy is not future husband material, so please do not waste anymore valuable time and energy on him. Addicts are very manipulative, selfish and will gravitate toward people who they can get away with kind of behavior. You stated you felt like you was a, "a worthless piece of shit!" No that would be him!
Take time to grieve and love yourself enough to say, " I deserve better." Also don't take him back, he will not change anytime in the near future and you will be in for more heart ache.

I am sorry you got used and hurt by someone. As my son says "just because they are sober doesn't mean they aren't still A**holes"...but I don't think he is sober.
I think, like Katrinka said, you are better off without him. he is not sober, and he is just setting up the next woman he will use and hurt.

Long and short of it is, he is a jerk, you will get over it. you deserve better. What I would spend my time doing is figuring out why you stayed and put up with his crap, and what kind of attributes you will expect the next love of your life to have...like honesty, communication, fidelity, committment, etc.

The best revenge is success. Be HAPPY!

I have to say Blue Violet and Katrinka are 100 % correct . You deserve better and will NEVER have it with him. Love should be a two way street. Good Luck Move On and find someone worthy of you. Dee

Dear Heartbroken,

I know exactly how you feel. I was in love with a man for many many years. He is an addidict. He was in jail for 10 months and I did everything for him because everyone else did nothing for him. He only had me to turn to. Well when he got out he made a beeline for his ex girlfriend. The one he got in so much trouble with in the first place. Drinking and doing drugs again. I thought he would have been appreciative to me and go to meetings and aa but hell no. Selfish as ever. I am very jheartbroken about it but everyday it gets a little better. I just pray and thank the good Lord I am not like that and that my grown son is a good man and does not do such things. For you dear. I will pray for you. You will get better I promise. I know it hurts. Make sure you delete him from Facebook. Looking at his activity has got to hurt. Find a support group in your community. You can make new friends. We are also here for you. Dont worry. Sounds to me the guy is heading down the wrong path and will end up back in rehab or worse jail. Those friends will not be there for him but please dont let him take advantage of you. I am sure he is not trying to hurt you. People like him and the guy I know are very selfish. Addicts are the most selfish people on the planet. Keep us posted and send me a message anytime to talk.

I can relate a little. Listen, ITS NOT YOUR FAULT. You are the one with a heart and just by you mentioning that he "rolled his eyes" should show you that he has MAJOR problems with women in general, NOT JUST YOU. Many men have issues with women and unfortunately it boils down to how their mothers raised them.
It is going to be hard, but you have to do your best with keeping your mind occupied with other things.
I had someone tell me this a short while ago and it does work. The less contact you have with him, the better for you. I would ditch the Facebook all together. Just my opinions that's all.

When I read your post only one word came to mind "doormat." I'm sorry if this isn't what you want to hear but in reality you have become a convienience to him - nothing more & nothing less. Like all "confirmed" addicts who only go through the motions without the follow through or commitment he only used you to make his life easier. In his state he only cares about one thing HIMSELF and nothing you do or say will make any difference.

Please know that I am saying this because I was there myself (via my addict son) and wish that someone would have had the brass to have told me. You do not deserve to be treated like this and if it were me in you're shoes, I'd cut my losses (and all ties) with this poor excuse of a human being and get as far away as possible. Give yourself a chance to find peace and happiness because the road you're on will only lead to chaos, heartbreak and sadness.