Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

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He turned himself in

marg6300
marg6300
He called me as soon as he was released, and said "so I take it I'm out on my own from now on". I said oh no son God is with you.and he said he was in SHOCK that he had been released. I told him God had a different plan for him and that with the help of God he could get better but he had to either turn him self in or go to the treatment center. He agreed and we hung up. My daughter warned me to not expect him to do what he said he was going to do and she was right. It was not until today when he called me again from a hotel and asked me what he should do and again I told him the same thing I told him yesterday. He also asked for his sisters number. He called her and asked her to bring him and she drove him to turn himself in. I told her he could do it himself but she wanted to. Anyway for 100 days he is locked up. He told his sister he would go anywhere we wanted him to and ould she please start calling places. I am not feeling like calling anybody at this moment. If he wants treatment he is going to have to put forth the effort I'm kind of done.... I plan on going to meetings and getting stronger these next 100 days and if he wants to go to treatment great but I'm not doing for him any longer what he can do for himself!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm kinda done too. If my son's test comes up positive for ANY type of drug, I AM DONE after 18 years of dealing with this.

Please God, help me be strong.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Marg where you are right now emotionally over this entire affair took me about 3 - 4 months to reach after my son's arrest. For me it was the starting point of my recovery from trying in vain to help my son. A huge lightbulb came on that made me realize I can't keep fighting an up-hill battle and that any possibility of recovery was totally something he had to do - something he had to fight for in order to survive. It was also my recovery and one of the first things I did was to plan a major trip / vacation for me and hubby. We're scheduled to leave this coming February. For now you need to create lots of space so you can heal - my advice, plan or do something extremely fun & exciting for yourself. Hugs - Cyndee
blueviolet725
blueviolet725
You know, you have to be pleased and proud that he made the right choice...that he stood up like a man. We know so many who just run and run until they are caught.
I think this is a good sign. And, I would suggest writing him in jail and telling him to ask them there about him getting into treatment.
Being detached, and not enabling has nothing to do with not giving positive feedback for every single good thing he does. It builds their self esteem and helps them get better. I think he is on a good path.
I will light a candle for him, thanking God that he is safe and doing well.
kimpalmer
kimpalmer
Will be thinking about you sweetie. Take some wonderful Marg time.. Nurture your soul! Grace& Peace
deleted_user
deleted_user
In follow-up I agree with Blue's suggestion. It was the same advice she gave me and since that time I have been writing, sending books and giving him small amounts of $$ to support and encourage him in his recovery. Since this began I'm seeing small steps & signs of him taking charge of his recovery - which is much better than it was a year ago...
dmatt124
dmatt124
Marg, my prayers are with you and Justin. I am so sad because when reading this, it is so clear Justin is sick and he is struggling, but you have made a brave and very smart decision in helping your son. Keep strong, and know my heart and prayer are with you. Lots of hugs.
bambusue
bambusue
In last week's AlAnon meeting we had some readings about not volunteering to be a victim any more. It was a lightbulb moment for me, as I realized that was what I did when I finally told my son to leave--I refused to be his victim any more. Even though he wasn't, according to the law, abusing me, his addiction was. i think you all get what I mean.
I'm still getting over the effects of that, and he's been out for 4 years now. It sort of put me over the edge to PTSD, and climbing down has been a long slow process.
Believe me when I say it's important to see to your own recovery. I was one sick puppy by the time I said 'enough'.....
cardinal39
cardinal39
It comes a time, when helping one with addition, means stepping a side,and letting go,,vowing to support sobriety is important,interfering with their recovery is only feeding the addiction,, we no longer have the control, nor do we own this anymore,, you make a stand and love them unconditionally, and never give up hope, but giving in,, no longer works,,
Marge, Justine descion to turn himself in, Is a major break through, he is thinking rationally,, one day at a time
So for the next 100 days,, keep your head up, big girl pants on, little lipstick,,, and stand proud,,, your awsome mom, of beautiful children, one that is an addict,,,, can't change the past, but you can shine in the future,,

Peace momma!
beantown
beantown
I'm with Blue. It is a big step for Justin to turn himself in and not hide or run. The fact that he asked for your and his sister's opinion is also a very good sign. Is he where he should be or where you want him to be? Of course not. But...he did take a step in the right direction and although it may be a small step for mankind, it is giant leap for an addict. I'll be keeping him and you in my prayers. May God heal our broken, angry hearts!