Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
My husband has been clean for almost a year....again. He has been making great progress but i've also been his means of transportation because of the broken trust when he was using and driving my vehicle.
Problem is having one vehicle between the two of us is very taxing and we have to get the kids up at 5am to take him to work. So we do need a second car. But i'm so anxious and worried he's going to take advantage of that and resort to his old ways.Without me always being the one to pick him up and drop him off he will have the opportunity to do things behind my back again...see old friends who use, use himself, not come home for hours without an explanation that makes sense...
I know I shouldn't assume he will do this, that he's earned some props for being clean. But I can't help but worry since he's already burned that bridge. I feel if I make "rules" for him to have a car it will just drive him to do these things even more. I've already told him i'm worried and all I get is "I won't do anything". That does not comfort me whatsoever.
Problem is having one vehicle between the two of us is very taxing and we have to get the kids up at 5am to take him to work. So we do need a second car. But i'm so anxious and worried he's going to take advantage of that and resort to his old ways.Without me always being the one to pick him up and drop him off he will have the opportunity to do things behind my back again...see old friends who use, use himself, not come home for hours without an explanation that makes sense...
I know I shouldn't assume he will do this, that he's earned some props for being clean. But I can't help but worry since he's already burned that bridge. I feel if I make "rules" for him to have a car it will just drive him to do these things even more. I've already told him i'm worried and all I get is "I won't do anything". That does not comfort me whatsoever.
Do you feel like he is working on healthy living? doing a program, or seeing a councelor?
If so, then at some point you have to trust him. you are not trusting him, and although it is understandable, at some point, you have to let go.
I am not saying to give him a brand new credit card, the debit for the bank accounts and everything else, but it may be time to let him be a big boy and show you and himself that he can do this.
That is all assuming 1 year, no slips...and there are still no guarantees...but you know addicts, they can get the stuff no matter what...
put it in God's hands, make your life easier, and promise yourself not to obsess about where he is every minute. Time will tell...so let it go. Set those boundaries, and if he uses? the car gets put in storage, or sold. What do you think?