Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

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/ Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

he can't

jms7229
jms7229
it hit me! in a sudden moment of clarity it hit me...... he cannot fix himself. it is all smoke and mirrors,the saddest part is he is only deceiving himself. ALL he thinks about is the next dose, how to make sure he has pills and how to manipulate everyone around him so conflict is kept at a minimum to keep his guilt levels down. he is emotionally unavailable and completely adolescently self centered. the biggest victim mindset. ya know what, i have NO desire to wait for him any longer. in fact i can't even find sympathy for his medical/surgical situation.it is time for me to have my own lifeand the good thing is I AM OK
deleted_user
deleted_user
It must feel very empowering seeing this clearly. I'm very happy for you that it hit you and that you are OK with moving on with yourself. It's so hard the longer you've been with someone to leave and be OK.. i'm approaching my 4th year of being with my boyfriend. He's only been in recovery for 10 months and buried lies from his past surfaced, pissed me off and I kicked him out 3 days ago. This is the first bad thing that has happened bt us since he started recovery.. so I may give him another chance. Still not seeing totally clear though and I hope I'm not making a mistake.

I'm VERY glad for you that there's no doubt in your mind. Must be an amazing feeling. All the best to you.
katrinka
katrinka
Chronic addicts can't fix themselves. Their brains are chemically unbalanced, the person you know is not the same person. The drugs or alcohol control the person. All they can think about is their next fix or drink. In psychology they say this person is mentally ill and chemically imbalance. So expecting someone who is chemically imbalance to make rational decisions is irrational.
blueviolet725
blueviolet725
Yup. you got it!
but I would remind you to also have some compassion for the suffering this person is going through, and will continue to go through. You see it very clearly, and it is wonderful that you have got the ability to detach from the fact that what he does is not literally happening to you. I am just saying that we need to keep our humanity in all of this as well. I think it is wonderful that you are going to take care of yourself. I know this opinion may be unpopular, but I think it may be a prevention against becoming hard or bitter.
now if he would only have a moment of clarity.