Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

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he called and then nothing

marg6300
marg6300
So my son is in jail and I was told recently that he was gay. When he finally called me from Jail I told him I loved him unconditionaly and that it did not matter one bit to me. He of course denied being gay said he did it to get more drugs and alcohol.... I don't know what to think but I have not talked to him since confronting him over a week ago. He calls me when I'm at work on my cell phone and I keep missing his calls. I have to keep my phone on silent as my boss sits right near me so its driving me crazy because I NEED to talk to my son. Before he was arrested he had been out on the streets using and was near death when he was finally arrested. The one time I did get to speak to him he sounded so good but when I asked him what his plan was for when he was released he said he had no idea. I was like are you kidding? are you not planning on going immediatly into a treatment ??? He was selling his body for ten dollars to get his drug and he doesn't need treatment??? I am glad hes safe in jail (I hope hes safe) but I wish I could talk to him. I know this time is good for him to really clear his head but I have no patience. I am usually able to not spend every waking moment thinking about him but lately its gotten super hard again... I stare at my cell phone constantly wishing it to ring and the minute I look away from it I see that i missed his call....
Pen125
Pen125
It's a very stressful situation.. Does your boss know about what you are going through with your son?

I hope you get to talk to him soon..He must be feeling lost and confused, angry, ashamed, a mess. You'll be there to tell him that you love him and that you have faith in him. Say it even if you don't believe it.

hugs
Pen
dmatt124
dmatt124
Oh, Marg6300 I can't imagine the aniexty, is there anyway you can visit, get a message to him just to let him know you are here to support his recovery? Is there anyway that you can just say to your boss, I have personal family matter and if I get a call, I must excuse myself to take it. If one of my employees said that to me, I would certainly permit them to do so. Try to not question him right now, remember he is in jail with no one to le him know he can do this, just let me know that you love him, and you want him to get well and you will support all his effort toward recovery. I know it's hard but this time is very good for him. Your in my prayers and try to remember he is not getting high that's a good thing. Hugs,Dee
marg6300
marg6300
Dee and Pen thanks for the positive encouragement. I never even thought about telling my boss. She knows I am going through Hell and yet she knows nothing. In fact she told me at my last review how impressed she was with me for never letting on to her what was going on (she does not know nor does she want to know) so I keep it to myself at work but this is an emergancy of sorts so I know if I told her that I HAD to take this call she would be fine with it. Man I feel stupid for not thinking of this myself. (I am very good at pretending everything is fine on the outside) I'm turning my phone on right now.. Cross your fingers that he calls soon, I feel like he thinks I don't WANT to talk to him!!
Thank you guys!
cardinal39
cardinal39
Oh marg,,, I remember those days,,, waiting to hear her voice,,, I would visit her every Monday,, for 6months,, only a half hour,, but it was so worth it,,, writing letters every other day,, when they are in jail,, they look so forward to mail,, it gave them a sense of hope,,, girl everything will be ok,, I would often think,, did I do the right thing,, and then I realized my higher power saved her,,


Hugs to you
blueviolet725
blueviolet725
How about you write to him and ask him to put you on the visitors list...then you can go see him (behind glass, in a uniform, but not shackles) and talk in person...
kimpalmer
kimpalmer
Sweet Marg ~ you say that you "keep missing" his calls. That says he keeps trying... I agree, talk to the boss, let her know how important this is... I know my son only had certain times he could use the phone, and sometimes they were all in use.. Don't give up mama... Praying for you and your son.
katrinka
katrinka
I know this is hard for you and hopefully you get to talk with him soon. Remember he has been keeping his life secret and the lies and just because he is in jail doesn't mean that he is ready to tell the truth. He is most likely confused in his feelings his brain is just starting to clear out and he really has no idea what is best. His reward part of his brain, the part that controls addiction is still trying to figure out ways to get drugs. It takes a long time to quiet that part of the brain down.
As for his being gay wait for him to be ready to say anything. Many addicts trade sex for drugs. To them it is just an act to get to the drugs.
Can't you put your phone on vibrate in a pocket then you will know when it rings and not be staring at it constantly waiting and hoping.
As for your boss there are a lot of bosses that don't care or want your personal business brought into work. Your boss sounds like one of those. Is there a way you can get a message to son he has to call either before or after work.