This addict is a total jackass! The day he packed his bags and left, he thought i was being so unfair to him and treating him like a child. He said I wanted to control him. I didn't want to control him. I wanted to be able to trust him again and all of his actions were quite suspicious. I told him that I had to set boundaries for my own sanity. And I had to stick by those boundaries. And that he could either accept and respect that or he could sit there and resent me for my decisions. He chose to resent me. He left. Did it hurt? HELL YEAH IT HURT. But that is a decision he made. Absolutely nothing I can do about it.

Yesterday, I sent him the co-dependency poem. I was hoping he would find some meaning in it. I look at everything over the past years and a lot of that poem directly relates to him. He lost his identity trying to take care of everyone else around him. I found solace in verses of that poem. I was hoping he would do the same. Instead, he told me that he was sorry that he made me feel co-dependent. Ummm... Hate to tell you this, Mack, but that was more for you than for me. I am not co-dependent on you. My happiness does not revolve around you. Yes, I mourn. Yes I am sad. And yes, it's going to take some time for me to get over this. But I mourn what we had. I mourn that happy family. I mourn the man you were. Not what you have become.

I was willing to offer my support to the addict because of the love I had for the man that he was. I had hope. That hope is gone. The man I loved is long gone.

The whole interaction pissed me off. And I'm kinda glad it did. I didn't wake up crying this morning.

I still hurt. But I know that I will get through this. Without him.