Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
I've had a fairly decent week with my addict. Today is his day 7 of being clean. Withdrawal wasn't nearly as bad as the last time he detoxed. He is very irritable though. And I have very little patience for his pissiness. One of the things that is bothering him is the questions that I ask. I do question everything right now. For good reason. He started using heroin last December. But he's been abusing prescription opiates for years. Since December, there has been lie on top of lie of top of more lies on top of even more lies to where they all got jumbled together and so out of control I was starting to doubt my own sanity. Right now, he's in the early stages of recovery. I would love to be able to trust him again, like I did before, wholeheartedly. Right now, I can't. Right now, he's still a drug addict that vaguely resembles the man I fell in love with. It's going to take more than a good week to prove to me that Mack the man, is once again his dominant personality. I love that man. I would do anything for that man. The addict, well... The addict gets nothing. He needs to prove to me that I can trust him again. And it's going to take time. Everything is still very fresh and very raw right now. The way I see it, he's guilty until he proves himself innocent.
deleted_user
Sometimes I feel like the doubt is making me insane, too. My boyfriend of six years has tried to get clean but always fails, and the heaps of lies upon lies are just overwhelming. I like what you've said: the man you love deserves your love in return, but the addict gets nothing. I am trying to divide the two in my mind. Thank you for saying what you did.
katrinka
I know we question everything, but actually that doesn't do any good. If they want to use drugs they will, they will try and hide it and make you believe your the one who is imagining things. 7 days is nothing it is going to take a whole lot longer for him to be the person he is without drugs. Viewing someone guilty all the time will make them feel why bother plus drives a bigger wedge between you. Instead dwell on yourself, learn how to make yourself healthier in this relationship.
deleted_user
I think it IS healthy to ask questions and be suspicious for a while. Part of recovery is honesty. In my case, I had a person who was really dug in to 'I don't want to talk about it...we'll talk later in recovery' and later never came. When we've been confronted with months or years of lies and hidden behavior, I do think it's like us waking up from amnesia - part of OUR recovery is to know what happened to us. I don't think we should be mean or treat someone like a prisoner, but I think asking for honesty and questioning suspicious things ought to be ok. And obviously we shouldn't let it distract us from ourselves and our own happiness, but I think this idea that we learn about the addiction and know there were lies and "it's all in the past" immediately leaves us with no closure on the addiction and leaves our addicts with hidden stuff to feel ashamed and embarrassed about. Talking and being willing to call their bluff on suspicious behavior is part of both people changing into something healthier if done right.
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