Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
A little background . . .
Last summer when our 29-year-old addict ended up in jail and finally decided to enter rehab, we had our first glimmer of hope in 10 years. He entered a 14-month, residential, Christ-based program. After 2 months, he was sent back to jail for 30 days on a different charge, then returned to rehab. Then, after another month in rehab, he was released due to a serious back injury. At that point, he moved in with us. He applied for Medicaid so he could get medical help for his back and just received his approval letter & Medicaid card last week.
He went to our local ER last week & was prescribed an NSAID to help reduce the inflammation but refused any narcotics. He was given a referral to see a specialist but before he can make an appointment, he's waiting on his Medicaid Packet which requires him to choose a health care package. In the meantime, he is not employed.
In the now 2 months that he's been here with us, his back has improved greatly since all he's had to do is rest. Our concern is that he is showing absolutely no interest or effort in getting back to work. He insists that it doesn't make sense to go back to work with his back not 100%, only to have to end up losing or quitting the job.
Although he is no longer drinking or using drugs, he has gone back to smoking cigarettes and I just discovered that he's taking Hydroxycut for weight loss {he has always struggled with being overweight}.
He does continue to do his daily devotionals & Bible reading, attends a weekly men's Bible study, attends a weekly Celebrate Recovery support group, and attends church every Sunday. But his lack of motivation is greatly distressing. It appears to us to be the 1 remaining major issue that we always assumed was connected to his addictions.
Have any of you had a similar experience with your recovering addict? For all intents and purposes, we are supporting him right now {even though he does get food stamps & is now on Medicaid}. He helps out around the house a little by helping with cooking & clean-up, etc., he makes his bed every morning and does his laundry, etc., but nevertheless, we are VERY concerned.
Any wise words would be greatly appreciated.
Last summer when our 29-year-old addict ended up in jail and finally decided to enter rehab, we had our first glimmer of hope in 10 years. He entered a 14-month, residential, Christ-based program. After 2 months, he was sent back to jail for 30 days on a different charge, then returned to rehab. Then, after another month in rehab, he was released due to a serious back injury. At that point, he moved in with us. He applied for Medicaid so he could get medical help for his back and just received his approval letter & Medicaid card last week.
He went to our local ER last week & was prescribed an NSAID to help reduce the inflammation but refused any narcotics. He was given a referral to see a specialist but before he can make an appointment, he's waiting on his Medicaid Packet which requires him to choose a health care package. In the meantime, he is not employed.
In the now 2 months that he's been here with us, his back has improved greatly since all he's had to do is rest. Our concern is that he is showing absolutely no interest or effort in getting back to work. He insists that it doesn't make sense to go back to work with his back not 100%, only to have to end up losing or quitting the job.
Although he is no longer drinking or using drugs, he has gone back to smoking cigarettes and I just discovered that he's taking Hydroxycut for weight loss {he has always struggled with being overweight}.
He does continue to do his daily devotionals & Bible reading, attends a weekly men's Bible study, attends a weekly Celebrate Recovery support group, and attends church every Sunday. But his lack of motivation is greatly distressing. It appears to us to be the 1 remaining major issue that we always assumed was connected to his addictions.
Have any of you had a similar experience with your recovering addict? For all intents and purposes, we are supporting him right now {even though he does get food stamps & is now on Medicaid}. He helps out around the house a little by helping with cooking & clean-up, etc., he makes his bed every morning and does his laundry, etc., but nevertheless, we are VERY concerned.
Any wise words would be greatly appreciated.
We eventually worked with him on removing the barriers. We found an apartment near lots of businesses and worked with him on applying for jobs. He needed lots of help. He is now finally working and living on his own. The pride in having a job provided motivation for him. We still have lots of hand-holding to do, but he has made tremendous progress toward independence.
While he was at home, there is one thing that he was able to do. We signed him up for an online class. Has your son gone to school, or does he have plans to eventually go? My son has an interest in going to culinary school at some point, but his high school GPA isn't quite high enough to get in. I found a cooking class through BYU independent study that is completely online. It counts as college credit, so it will help him if he wants to go to school. It's self-paced, with a year limit to complete, with the chance to extend it for another 3 months. Even if he doesn't go to school, he is learning to cook. I think the cost was $300.
While there may be an excuse not to work because of his back, there's probably no reason why he can't take an online class, which can help him move toward building a future.
Volunteer work is another excellent idea. Both volunteer work and online schooling provide something to eventually go on a resume and can fit into a person's schedule if they might not feel well.
So does that mean he isn't being honest with them? that would be a big red flag as well.
BUT- concern about his appearance might be a good thing...and walking a track at a school. or a park could help him raise endorphins and boost self esteem.
A family meeting may be in order. set the boundaries and expectations.
He is a trained auto mechanic [which is how he injured his back] and has expressed a desire NOT to return to that type of work. We're encouraging him to [immediately] explore other options, including school. He's not interested in school, however, even online. His back injury is severe enough that walking a track or going to the gym isn't possible right now. I injured my back 3 years ago {3 herniated & perforated discs} and wasn't permitted ANY physical activity for several months as the doctor feared the perforations would tear completely which would mean surgery. I wasn't even permitted physical therapy until my discs healed.
He has gotten involved with a good local church where he attends Celebrate Recovery meetings every Friday, Sunday services, and Tuesday night men's Bible study. He has volunteered to do what he's physically able to do for a couple of church events {like clean-up after the New Year's Eve family night}. He's also made several new friends through the C.R. program and now has his girlfriend attending C.R. and church services with him.
Blue Violet . . . if there's one thing our son does NOT have, it's low self-esteem! LOL! He'll even tell you, "I'm fabulous!" In all seriousness, self-esteem issues are addressed in rehab and he had to convince them that he absolutely loves himself! If he's joking, he's convincing. Our younger son, definitely self-esteem issues . . . refers to himself as a "piece of s***". *heartbreaking"
Another issue often associated with addiction is childhood abuse of some kind. Our son often says that a lot of guys in the program had or have "mommy issues" or "daddy issues", or past abuse, etc., but he never did. He says, "I just started experimenting and I really liked it, and eventually, it had control over me." A close friend of mine is an addiction counselor {social worker} and verifies that this is actually much more common than people think. Many addicts become addicts not by trying to hide pain, but by enjoying being high and getting trapped by it.
My husband and I have spoken to him about what his plans are, etc. He said the other day that he can now "get the ball rolling". His Medicaid has been approved and he can see a doctor. He said he plans on getting a job as soon as he has a diagnosis so he knows exactly what's wrong. We're willing to give him a little leeway, but not too much. We've made it clear that he can't stay here too much longer - and he says he doesn't intend to or want to {not that we don't get along because we do, he just wants to be out on his own where he belongs}. Unfortunately, there really isn't anywhere else he can stay.
Thank you all for your honesty and your advice! *hugs*