hand it to him as he walks out your door permanently?
I don't know. It all depends on how sick he will get without it...and if he wants to stop. And how dangerous he will be if you have gotten rid of it..will you be safe?
terrible.
please let us know what you did and that you are ok.
so very sorry.

My heart goes out to you being a mother who has gone thru this twice With two sons.

I erased my first message to you because it was from my perspective. I think the best advice is from someone who used. So I'm sitting with my son and asked him...

What would you say to a Mom who found heroin in her sons room and didn't know what to do? (He's just finished his rehab and is living in a sober environment). He said remember Mom when you found I was using? You sat me down and said I love you and if you need help I will help you. You didn't yell or scream you talked to me. You told me this isn't a way to live. Off we went that day and started the process of Suboxone.

So as a Mom I say throw it out. Expect denial. It's someone else's or he did use and quit. All kinds of BS excuses.

It took us a long time for him to finally have enough. I took a court order keeping him out of my house. His Dad threw him out. We cut off money. Yes he stole from stores and got into trouble. We have been thru hell and back for a long time. Only thing I can't say is yelling won't do a thing. An addict feels bad enough about themselves. Yelling at them will let them use you as an excuse to use again.

You need to be strong. You need to be tough and you need to learn the balance of love at the same time.

It's not easy. It's the worse thing I had to live thru. I think my body shook everyday from stress for 7 years.

Just because I took a court order didn't mean I didn't love him. Taking it was because I did. He hated me then...never been closer now.

Your son is worth fighting for. Educate yourself on heroin. Read and go to naranon or alanon. You need support.

But please talk to him. Don't stop telling him you know he hates himself for using and you love him enough to help. That meant the difference for my son.

Good luck. Sending prayers and if you need to chat you can message me anytime.

Thank you so much for responding!!! I did not yell at him. We talked calmly. I have told him before that he has food and shelter here as long as he isn't using and he plans on going to treatment in Dec when it won't interfere with his job (taking 2 months off) but cannot promise me he will be clean until then. He has suboxone so he won't have bad withdrawals. I did flush it down the toilet. He has never raised his voice or become violent with me, thank goodness. He apologized for putting me through this. I know he is sick and needs professional help NOW! But as you know I cannot force him to quit everything else and just focus on recovery. He was at a NA meeting when I went through his room, oddly enough! I told him he cannot live here and do heroin so he left and I fell to pieces! That is the hardest thing I have ever done! He has no money for food or gas. From what I have learned it's the right thing but it doesn't feel good to me! I am in counseling now and will go back to the NA Family meetings that I used to attend. My ex doesn't live here and we are in contact but I am essentially dealing with this on my own and it's really hard trying to function/work while dealing with this. I really appreciate your support!! I cannot talk about this to people. Such a stigma. He had a great childhood and he says so himself! But you can't help but wonder if you had done something differently, would it have made a difference. This is too much to bear but I have no choice and must try/learn how to live.....

Nduca
First and foremost you did nothing to make your son stick a needle in his arm. We got the most part have all done our best raising our kids. I have been a single parent to three sons for so many years. Stop blaming yourself. This was a choice he made.

I know making his leave is a very hard thing to do. When does making hard right decisions ever feel good? Change
In itself is difficult for everyone. Changing how you do things can make the difference between him being clean or continue to be an addict.

His job is an excuse. Heard that a million times. They say that because they are not ready to quit. It's their money supply for the fix they need.

One word about suboxone. My son used it Inbetween being broke so to avoid the withdrawals. He also sold them to his dealer who gave him heroin in exchange. The same SOB would sell them back to him if he needed them.

Stand your ground. Scream and cry when you are alone but don't weaken in front of him. He will use it
To manipulate you. They are masters at that.

I know how hard this is. I had two at the same time. One spent 5 years in jail from his addiction. He is now one week back into a program. The other is working on almost four months clean. I realize when they were both away and the house was quiet how much this turned my life upside down. I needed to do a lot of changing too. No more enabling no more dysfunctional stuff in my home.

Again sending prayers your way and strength. Always here if you need a shoulder or advice.

Sorry typing on my phone.

Thank you so much for your advise and support!!! I have a lot to learn and do! I've been so naive and enabling. Never thought this would happen to me. What a game changer.... Can't thank you enough. Will continue to use this resource, it's a life saver!

you did the right thing. You TOLD him the boundaries, he crossed them, you stuck to your guns. It SUCKS! I know, been there done that as well. BUT do NOT beat YOURSELF UP! Our son had a wonderful childhood, I ALWAYS wonder where I went wrong...NOWHERE! That's where! So stay strong, be GOOD TO YOU! YOU did not do this, he has!

Say what you mean and mean what you say. You're a great Mom....stick with your counseling....and do something nice for yourself everyday....take a bubble bath, do a facial....have a cup of hot cocoa and get lost in a Hallmark Movie....but do it everyday to remind yourself that YOU are good. YOU'VE made the RIGHT choices. YOU are not the cause of your sons' addiction...he is responsible for his own choices. We can only guide them, if they don't listen, they need to learn the consequences.

Hugs to you! Prayers and thoughts too!

Thank you sooo much! All the kind and supportive words touch me deeply.

Someone once told me that if I gave my son the choice, you live here so long as no drugs, if you choose to use, then you no longer can live in our home. You did not throw him out, he chose drugs. I too, did the same thing, It was the hardest thing I ever did in my life, but it was also the turning point, 4 days later our son boarded a plane to Florida, he is clean almost 4 years. I wish I had taken the stance sooner than I did, enabling paralyzes any hope for recovery. Hugs to you and sending prayers for your son.

I believe that what we need to do for our children breaks the laws of maternal behavior. If it breaks your heart and feels wrong, chances are you did the right thing.

I know this story and your path too well. My Son is a heroin addict and is now a poly-substance user. What we endure as parents is devastating and a daily nightmare. There are now words to truly describe the range of emotions we endure and can only pray that a greater power can save our children as I've tried EVERYTHING with mine! All we can do is focus on our own recovery because the trauma we've endured isn't easy for anyone to handle alone. I'm in therapy myself now with a great doctor who has treated addiction for 30+ years as well as other psychological issues. I'd figure I'd go to him to gain a greater perspective of my Son's disease and help me navigate thru it.

It's made me stronger and focused on my own well being and health. My therapist has me reading "You can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hayes and it's helping me manage the stress and work on my thought patterns. Highly recommend it.

My prayers and well wishes for strength and peace. You did the right thing by drawing boundaries, it's the best option we have to no longer continue with the enabling and protecting our own health and life from this dark/evil disease that has consumed our children.

God Bless.