Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
Hi there. Its been sometime since I last posted in the group. My brother is still on methadone (thats what he says, at least, we dont have access to info due to doctor-patient confidentiality) and he is still staying at the family house.
The child is with the mother, who is also supposed to be on methadone but from what my brother tells us and judging from the way she speaks (Ive heard her over the phone) she is on pills too, big time. She can barely speak.
The past few days have been a living nightmare for my parents. Every time my brother speaks with her he is either furious at her or furious at my parents. (background story: she insists my father should pay her rent and utilities, food etc). The more she pushes my brother, the more furious he gets.
There have been 4 incidents where he exploded accusing my parents of terrible things, saying things I am embarrassed to write. The last time this happened, my mother tried to avoid him ending up running from one room to the other to hide. There have been times where he exposes his chest to my parents, showing deep cuts, shouting that he is going to kill himself, that he is a loser and a nobody and that he has buried his child (in our language it means that one has done great harm). He has also come back home with wounds from a fight.
After the incidents he looks calm and acts as if nothing has happened. He turns from a crazy person to this calm, baby-like person. I dont know how to describe it. He doesnt apologize, doesnt talk about it. On the outside, he looks composed and deeply sad.
He says hes not using pills. He admits to smocking joints.
My question goes to the ones who have had their loved ones on methadone: have you lived through the same ups and downs?
I dont even know what Im trying to do here.. His behavior is erratic and I totally understand that now that he is free of heroin he sees things more clearly. His reality is a nasty one. The other day he was extremely upset with the mother for locking up the child all alone in her house while shes out doing whatever she does. Then, he proceeds with saying my little girl is big girl now, she can take care of herself. The child is almost 3 years old.
Could it be that my brother is, well, basically, crazy????
I am sorry if this post is confusing. I am confused and very worried for both my brother and the child. Any comment whatsoever will be very welcomed. I'm trying to keep it together..
The child is with the mother, who is also supposed to be on methadone but from what my brother tells us and judging from the way she speaks (Ive heard her over the phone) she is on pills too, big time. She can barely speak.
The past few days have been a living nightmare for my parents. Every time my brother speaks with her he is either furious at her or furious at my parents. (background story: she insists my father should pay her rent and utilities, food etc). The more she pushes my brother, the more furious he gets.
There have been 4 incidents where he exploded accusing my parents of terrible things, saying things I am embarrassed to write. The last time this happened, my mother tried to avoid him ending up running from one room to the other to hide. There have been times where he exposes his chest to my parents, showing deep cuts, shouting that he is going to kill himself, that he is a loser and a nobody and that he has buried his child (in our language it means that one has done great harm). He has also come back home with wounds from a fight.
After the incidents he looks calm and acts as if nothing has happened. He turns from a crazy person to this calm, baby-like person. I dont know how to describe it. He doesnt apologize, doesnt talk about it. On the outside, he looks composed and deeply sad.
He says hes not using pills. He admits to smocking joints.
My question goes to the ones who have had their loved ones on methadone: have you lived through the same ups and downs?
I dont even know what Im trying to do here.. His behavior is erratic and I totally understand that now that he is free of heroin he sees things more clearly. His reality is a nasty one. The other day he was extremely upset with the mother for locking up the child all alone in her house while shes out doing whatever she does. Then, he proceeds with saying my little girl is big girl now, she can take care of herself. The child is almost 3 years old.
Could it be that my brother is, well, basically, crazy????
I am sorry if this post is confusing. I am confused and very worried for both my brother and the child. Any comment whatsoever will be very welcomed. I'm trying to keep it together..
To make a long story short, my parents left for the country house, leaving him on his own at the family house. He called my father and said that he had not received methadone for two days in a row. That could be the reason of his erratic behaviour, right? On top of that, due to budget cuts - all official rehab programmes here are state funded- they lowered his dose. Yet another reason for the swings?
About the child: we have done everything we can. The firts two years we went from one office to the other, from the social worker on the case to the D.A. and all middle offices inbetween, NGOs included, with no results. To remove the child from her we need a court order, but the D.A. considers the case closed. She is not willing to let us have the child over; she just keeps pushing for money.
From what I know, there have been no visitation form the social services for two years now. Besides, they make a call before the visitation. The addict has plenty of time to prepare.
I feel responsible for this little girl but there is absolutely nothing I can do, which is driving me crazy. There are moments I can barely breathe.
I know that it's up to my brother to file a [I don't know the term in english] since he is the only one who has had first hand experience of her neglecting the child. Then again, he was a high flying addict himself until he left that place, plus he does not want to "harm" that woman.
Sorry for the long post.
I would deffinetly put your parents in a safe place,,, sorry to say,,,,, your brother, could be postal,,, at anytime,,,,,,
hugs,, girl,,
I can't remember the last time I had a panic attack. I think, a couple of years ago, until yesterday.
My mother and my husband are adamant that this child is not our responsibility. I can't get her out of my mind, though. Yesterday, I felt like a crazy person for worrying so much. Once more, I can't tell right from wrong, which is a terrible feeling.
I have no idea whether my brother is mixing methadone with other drugs. Testing him is, ofcourse, futile since methadone is opiate based. He says he only smokes weed. We all know we can't trust him.
Again, thank you ladies.
I'm sorry I'm going on and on. This is a new thing for me.
About making anonymous calls: it hasn't worked. Even filing official complaints didn't work. I know how weird it sounds, but here no one, I mean NO ONE really cares. Since the D.A. said she's fit to take care of the child (newborn back then), our hands are tied. But we tried, again and again and again. And again. Even hired a detective, who ended up robbing us blind with nothing to show, not even one photo, one piece of information. The only way out, IF EVER, for that child is if my brother speaks against that woman, officially. He turned to a demon when my father asked him to just consider it. He is a mess. Self hate, fear, pain, you name it.
Going to the social services is a complete, and I mean COMPLETE nightmare. It takes months before they even accept to have a meeting with the concerned person. And then, they don't show up. So, you have to make another appointment and so on and so forth. The obundsman for children doesn't have the authority to do anything really. Same holds for the NGOs. We tried everything for two years..
Calling the police on my brother.. Well, it won't happen. My parents won't do it.
I feel worn out. It's like all this is a dead end. Today I wished I stopped being. I cannot accept in my heart that there is nothing we can do for him and the child.
Thank you for listening.. Most of the times when I post here, I feel very embarrased of myself. I am all words and no actions. At least, what I consider actions. So, thank you for being here.