hi there...so sorry that you are going through this with your son. I'm sure it's normal to be frustrated. Have you thought about joining a support group locally for others who have family members who are addicts? Hang in there.

Yes, this is normal. We go through hell when our kids are addicted and the level of frustration can be overwhelming. I've also noticed that my husband tends to lose his temper most when he is afraid for someone's safety. I think that may also be normal. Discovering that your son has Hep C probably triggered that. You are furious because your son is doing things that threaten his life and you feel like there's nothing you can do to stop him. You're human.

I've said similar things, especially by text. I'm not proud of them, in retrospect, but I'm sure that my son is also not proud of the things that he has done and said to me either. We always do find our way back to each other and make it clear that we love each other. It really is a very good sign that he told you that he has Hep C. He trusts you with this information and looks for you to help.

I agree that when you are feeling this frustrated and helpless, it does help to get support from others. Learning about this horrible disease also helps. When I understood that it's nothing personal when he steals from me, I began to look at it less with anger and more with practical solutions, like not letting him in the house unless he's closely watched and all valuables are locked down.

It also helps to take a time out from dealing with your son when you get to this level of frustration and anger. Re-charge your batteries, Take care of yourself.

My son is 25. Learned he had hep c a year ago. I thought I was going to die hearing that. He's my son and I want him well. I've been thru the texts and everything you can imagine. It's been a nightmare for years. I had to get a court protective order against him so I could have him out of my home. I just couldn't take it anymore. Can you do that? It worked in a positive way. Being a victim of their insanity allows you to speak up in court. I begged the DA and judge to give him long term rehab. Well as true to him...he stole from a store and was caught. I'm jail for two weeks the DA told him rehab or trial. I told him I would appear and push it if he didn't go. He chose rehab. He seems happy. I'm still really worried because he hasn't addressed the hep c yet. They are working with him to find out the genotype. Hep
C isn't the life sentence it used to be.
I relate to your situation. I pray he has the type that can be easily cured.
My advice is to slow down. Take care of you. Let
Your son know you love him and would like to sit calmly whe he feels ready and you will help him by getting him rehab. Fighting with my son only made things worse. He was defensive and I only ended up upset. Don't give up hope. They can change if they want. Don't enable. Just try to tell him how scared you are and how much you know he hates himself for what he is doing. It opened me and my son up to at least taking some steps in the right direction. Mine has a long road ahead. But just like him im taking it one day at a time. But please don't give up on him.

One more thing...mine stole from me a lot. Did he tell you he stole from you?

Yes its all completely normal. But, speaking from a addicts point of view (me), it's not your son. I've said in these messages boards before. He's not who he once was. Right now his soul has left. And until he gets clean, then he will get his soul back. Any sane and normal son would never want to cause his mom pain. Nor be a burden to his mother and hear her say " she wished she had never had him and she was dead." his body is now under new guardianship, The piece of shit devil has his soul. so next time your hurt and frustrated and wanna express your emotions to him, just know that it hurts him to hear that and trust me, ! It hurts him too, to do those things !!!!!! And one more thing, what's one thing an addict does when they're hurt, sad, mad or depressed ??? We use. When our emotions are putting us down and has us walking with our head facing the floor, we use. And when we're that much hurt we use a little more at one time then normal. And he'll , even as a celebration, us being happy we still use. So even though we caused our family member to be mad at us, still the remembrance of what that person told us out of anger makes us feel like shit and we wish we were dead to end our path of destruction that we are making.
I'm not saying these things to make you feel down or to make you feel as if your doing something wrong, cause your not. I'm sorry if I'm making you more upset , these are not my intentions. So I do apologize.
I don't know if you have ever been to a NA meeting but maybe go so you can get a feel of what other addicts feel and think inside and maybe you'll have a better understanding of this poison that addicts like us consume. Once again I'm sorry and good luck to u. If you ever need anything or any advice or helpful tips please let me know.
I'm sorry.... But one more thing,.... "it only gets worse before it gets better". I'm sorry.

Macho. Those were the words of my son talking. Thanks for sharing that. I'm learning about my son and his addiction. I know under all of it is shame and feeling like he hates himself.

The one thing I know is I will never give up on him. I won't enable him but I will always be there telling him he can do this. That I will always be there for him as long as he's trying and doing what he has to do.

I said some mean stuff to my son at times. I was scared mostly to lose him. I was angry. But I never stopped loving him or caring about him. I'm learning to understand this disease. He's trying and so am I. We can't ever give up. They are worth fighting for.

Thank you so much for this post.
I completely understand your feelings and completely normal!
Addicts put us through hell. Thank you macho for your honesty as an addict.
From what I have seen--the best thing for any family member to do is refuse to have any part of the craziness. Addicts have to fight this battle themselves. They can take us down with them if we allow it. Refuse!
What does it take for an addict to be ready to stop!
1 addict is my family stopped drinking, went to AA, knows about the steps, just switched to pills instead. Is functioning for now and tries to appear sober(not drunk)!!! Do addicts think it is impossible to stop?
Is it the withdrawals that probably need to be under medical supervision? Time out of work & others may find out???

Yes, this is as normal as it gets. But, as others have said, this is not your son. It's so cruel to hear that.. Unfair and crazy. But true. It's like they are possesed. So, feel free to feel the anger (which in reality is profound pain) and find ways to take care of YOU, no matter how "fake" it feels. An addict lives in your son's body and there's not much you can do about it.. I mean, you can't get him clean. He, himself, can do that.

Thanks for all the replies. I am not quite as angry as I was yesterday but still don't want to see or talk to him. A part of me wants to apologize for some of the things I said to him but I just can't bring myself to do it. I just want it all to go away but I know that it won't. I know that it is only going to get worse. Maybe that's why I'm so angry. Maybe I've realized that with him there is no hope.

Can't....don't say there is no hope. there is always hope. I get the anger and stuff. But please don't give up on him...detach yes...love him. You won't forgive yourself if you give up.

I feel like if I gave up on mine...why wouldn't he. And please don't confuse what I am saying as to enabling or apologizing. That's a whole different story.

All I'm saying is keep talking to him without yelling without anger...I know its hard. I did it for years. Then I realized that wasn't working...try something different. We talked and we talked....and I took extreme measures....a protective order.

They say you can't lead a horse to water and make him drink...but you can make him thirsty. Go to groups...learn how to detach but not give up.

Your feelings are normal. But I never believe on giving up on our kids...Ive been going thru this for 20 years so I know the feeling.

@givenup107 - Yes! Never give up on them. I've seen people turn around after hitting rock bottom. Hang in there, I hope you find support through this group and through people nearby.

Blessings

Thank you dancing. It's been a great help so far. Blessed