I think he does not believe you will really leave. Good luck Dee

Even though he doesn't believe me I did say it and warn him...he chose to be this way and manipulate me at every corner..he minimizes everything and acts like I'm crazy for feeling the way I do about anything and he would even argue that's not true.

It took me literally packing every belonging (including toothbrush and deodorant) into his bag and setting it by the door the day after Xmas for him to get it. He almost tripped over the bag! He stopped with the Xanax and whatever else he was taking right then. I told him that 8 months (that's how long we were together but he's been an addict for a few years since his last surgery) was enough drama and stress for a lifetime and it's now or never. Granted, it was my condo and we don't have kids (obviously) but nevertheless, it worked.

I told him that I only give ultimatums when I mean them and he saw that I meant it. However, I have endured quite a bit of stress from his sober life that we are dealing with currently but at least he's not using.

I wish you luck, lack of trust is a b!tch...

I'm not sure if I would take kids and leave or kick him out!

Do you have a safe place to go?

well, don't set boundaries or give ultimatums if you aren't going to be able to follow thru...you will only make yourself crazy.
You better decide...does he go, or do you....and what is going to make that happen. Could be using...or you could decide you are staying together no matter what forever...that is your choice.
Meanwhile, addicts manipulate. they twist things and are good at it.
so have things clear in your mind
have a plan
hope for the best
prepare for the worst
do what you say you will do
don't say it if you won't do it.

I have no plan and no idea where I would go besides a shelter...but he scares me after hes Bern drinking so much...he doesn't abuse me physically but hes careless with so many things...arghhh!

Then make him leave. You're not doing anything wrong.

I agree with blueviolet, if you say it you have to stick to it, otherwise its becomes empty words. He then knows you do not really mean it. Every state is different, but in my state you cannot make another person leave. I was told this is his house as much as yours and he has as much right to the live here as me. It also didn't matter if home was in my name, if a person has been living with you at the same residence you can't make them leave without a going through a bunch of crap. It can be very hard if they decide they are not leaving. This is why with first husband I finally was the one to leave.

Let me share something with you. I was the queen of empty threats, I was so afraid of my son being in the streets, no food, winter months, what would people say? But not to long ago my Son and I were having a conversation and he told me it wasn't until we made him leave our home that he knew we were no longer going to enable him, he never stop using because he knew we were not going to do anything.... Shortylt after we said he could no longer stay in our home he went to rehab and has been sober 7 months. It could change tommorrow but the difference today I will say what I mean. I have never shared that with anyone. I hope It will help you, blue, katrinka and the others are mark on. Good luck.

thanks for sharing that story dmatt. It's really starting to hit me that he is not going to quit drinking unless he dies or possibly if I leave him. He came home this afternoon and drank the rest of the day. He was rude to me about the book I was reading after he asked me about it. And then tries to folllow me in the bedroom and asks me if I wanted to do something naughty. I said no u are an asshole jeez....and took the baby for a walk...Then he almost humiliated me in front of the neighbors because he was yelling at them because they had left their kid over here for a few minutes and he wanted her to go home and now he's asleep and I'm happy about that because I can't look at him drunk anymore. He also kicked the train set that I had made with my 2 yr. old and told the older kids to pick them up! when the house was very clean except that one train set...welcome home honey and you told me I needed to be more positive when u came home...

Dear Hosea77, take a moment and read back the post you just wrote and tell me what you advice you would offer if is was me? Kicking a train, verbal abuse to you and your young children and acting beligerant around neighbors is not acceptable behavior. This is a sick man that needs to get help and until you draw the line in the sand he has no reason to stop. You cannot save him but you can save yourself and your children. I'm so sorry you are going through this, but you have the power to change you. Good luck.

if you were my friend and you are i would tell you to leave him. tell him to go in touch with you when he is ready to quit drinking...tell him you love him but you cannot live this way anymore.