dee, of course he is not going to be the same,,,, why it's so important to detach from the addict,, and connect with your son,,,,,yes be proud that he is drug free for 83 days,,, but remember he is not clean, you said so yourself, he has not used because of having to take drug test,,, but you never mention what is recovery is? has he done the 90/90 ,, where he goes to 90 meetings in 90 days,,,, recovery is not just about "not using" that does not make them clean,,, being clean, is learning how to cope and live day to day,, without the "want" of the drugs..... I've recenty attended a meeting for addicits,, just so I could get a better understanding, and it was so amazing these people work so hard in their recovery, because they want to,, not because they are under court order,,

don't become obsessed with his recovery,,, don't expect him to just ask if you need help,, remember when we except of others,, we set ourselves up for let downs,,,, say what you mean, mean what you say,,,, if you want him to do a list of chores,,, simply write it down on a paper, and say,,, these things need to be done, before you do this.....

yes of course your son,, is not going to be "who" he was before all this,, shoot I don't even think they know who they are now,,, but you need to change how your going to approach him,,,, keep in mind,,, do not enable him,,,, do not look for a "argument",,, demand respect,, don't just assume they are going to respect,,,,

Thanks cardinal I appreciate your insight. As far as what his recovery is he goes to outpatient 3x a week It is not court ordered he has never been arrested. He also attends counseling 1x a week with a private therapist. When he had his near fatal o/d in January he asked us for help and we got him into this rehab he is currently in. My son is 18 and lives at home works w/ his dad and pretty much has had a "normal " life. My husband and I do not drink or take drugs we love all 3 of our kids and have always tried our best to do whatever we could for all of them. My son has always been a good kid never back talked to us or got in trouble in school or anything like that. The one thing i do feel somewhat guilty about is that he moved alot growing up for different reasons needed a bigger house , my husband got sick so we relocated to make it easier on him financially, etc etc so I kind of think my son felt like he didn't fit in because of all the moving I don't know but thats all I can think of what may have contributed to his problem or maybe it had nothing to do with it who knows anyway as far as the 90 meetings in 90 days no he does not adhere to that rule and to be quite honest with you I'm not so sure about that either I think different things work for different people and if it works for some or even just 1 that is great but he tells me he does not want to do drugs because he sees where it took him physically mentally and financially and he is glad that he is recovering. I have my doubts sometimes and at other times I do believe he has learned from it . So I do agree with you about it being a mindset to be clean but its the different ways of attaining that goal that we may differ opinions on. I will say that when he was in the hospital i found his cell and went through his messages and he was telling all his friends that he wanted to change and come clean to us so he could get help ( and this was all b4 the s@#$ hit the fan) so I hope that he meant what he said about getting clean to his friends It is really hard for me not to get addicted to his recovery I do struggle with that alot but it's only because I love him so much and can not imagine my life without him. Thanks Dee

He is 18,,, I can remember when my son turned 18, he is not my addict, swear they do become a different person, they get this attitude that they think they are an adult ,, before he turned 18,, him and his dad did everything together, when he turned 18, it bothered dad so much,, I can remember him saying what is wrong with him,, well just those hormones he is turning 20, and he is back to normal,, think it's a stage they go through ,, again he is not an addict,, so from this stand point it was just those raging hormones,,,,

I agree we do love our kids so much,,, that I know it can smother them,,, just let your son go,,, never turn your back,, but let go of the cord,,,, your so right each person has their
own recovery ,, I Personally so important to work on it everyday,,, but have to remember that it's their recovery,,


Hugs my friend,,, having teenagers are such a joy !

Hi Dee.. I have noticed that my son is quite apathetic also... The one piece of info I read is this... "when a person starts using... Their brain stops maturing"... For my son (20) that means he is about 17... I have also heard that the brain of young men does not fully develop until age 23 or so... I feel like I have to tell him everything!... I even kinda joke... Ok, you need to take a breath now...I think their brains get short circuited or something... I know it is frustrating... Keep loving him girl...
Hugs, Kim

Reading about Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome [PAWS] will help you a lot in understanding what your son is going through.

Here's a starter.

http://www.addictionsandrecovery.org/post-acute-withdrawal.htm

http://www.tlctx.com/ar_pages/paw_part1.htm

I am sure you'll all find this information helpful. You might even share some of this info with your son. It DOES go away, the apathy, the depression, the insomnia, the restlesness.. It takes time and determination, but it does go away.

Cardinal,Kim and Pen I thank you for your advice and value your opinions very much. I have learned so much from so many on this board .Thanks for the links as well, very informative. Kim I know exactly what you mean about having to tell them everything it drives me crazy sometimes! Hugs to you all dear friends, Dee