Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

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hosea77 09/19/2013

I haven't posted in a while probably because I feel like such a loser staying with such a raging alcoholic! Husband drinks every day till he passes out and I'm doing almost everything for our 3 kids. My 10 year old boy is pretty much miserable and constantly says his dad is mean and a jerk and hes told me numerous times he doesn't want to be around him while hes drinking. I don't know what to do. We are in the middle of putting an addition on this house and its going to be really nice soon. But a bigger house isn't going to make us a happier family...and I'm so confused. Can hardly stand my husband when hes drunk and barely talk to him anymore...99.99% of the time he is drunk and just off in his own world. I think I need to leave for my kids sake but just stuck and frozen....not sure what I'm supposed to do now. My 7 yr. Old girl is also afraid of her Dad sometimes...and our 3 yr. Old is now growing up like this too. Every time I talk to husband, he just nods and says sorry but gets even drunker the same day 24-7...he wont face the issues at all...and I'm so tired of picking up all the slack. I need a kick in my a**!

blueviolet725 09/19/2013

I am sad that you are in the same situation you were in last time you wrote.
I guess I can only think of a few suggetions...one, visualize yourself in this same place 10 or 15 years from now...how will you be? the kids?
two- write down each bad thing that happens for a week on one page, and good things on a second. what do you see?
three- get help. you are becoming as ill as he is and you need help. stop making excuses about it, it has to happen. some alanon groups allow children...
four- if you want me to be mean and yell at you, I can do it, but just like yelling at the drunk, it really doesn't change things. Things will only change when you want to move past the fear of the unknown into a new life of health. I hope, for your sake and your children's that you can do that.
Five- screw the house. things that we own sometimes own us...and isn't this his parent's house? yeah, it really is like putting real gold on a dead dog...dog is still dead...and it stinks.

GMaWilli 09/19/2013

13 years ago, my kick in the ass came quickly & shockingly when my ex molested, sodomized & attempted to rape the 12 yo neighbor girl. God how I wish it would have been different. He sent me divorce papers shortly after I left him for doing that. He went to prison when my kids were 12 & almost 15. Today they are 23 & almost 26 & are both heroin addicts. Their father's behavior ripped our family to SHREDS. He got out a year ago & guess what? He's right back into his addiction & of absolute NO HELP WHATSOEVER to his now adult addicted children. Don't wait for your "kick".........

cardinal39 09/19/2013

I agree with blue!, insanity is,, continuing to do the same thing over and over and expecting different results,,,girl,, if you want changes don't wait until your so far in the hole,, you can't see the light,,,if not for yourself,, for them little ones!
Gwilll,, awsome testimony,appreciate your words of wisdom!!!

katrinka 09/19/2013

Nothing will change until you face your fears and make a change. If you stay, in five years you will be saying the same things and your son stands a very high chance of repeating his dads behavior of addiction. If you leave, it won't be easy, but in five years you could be living a happy peaceful life and your son has a better chance of not repeating his dads addiction. If you can't leave for yourself do it for your children, so they will hopefully have a happier future. If you are miserable imagine how helpless they feel.

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