I know what you are going through! My husband is addicted to pain meds/vicodin. He has hep c and arthritis. His meds don't last a week, and they should last for 30 days. When he doesn't have them, he is horrible to me and everyone around. My older kids don't live here but my 18 yr old daughter does. She wants out of here so bad as do I. I feel the same as you, this is no marriage, yet I don't know how to make it financially, what about our house??? Lots of mixed emotions, but I know for sure I hate being around him when he is like this. He can't function, says he is in pain, is verbally abusive, the list goes on and on. The only time he seems half normal is when he has a script. I am on antidepressants and try to just cope in this hell. I pray alot and will keep you in my prayers.

Oh yes, I was there! I hit my bottom, and came to the realization that I would rather live in poverty than lose my mind and heart that way. I used to try to pretend everything was fine.

Just as he has not hit his bottom, you have not hit yours.

The fear of him dying without you, well, he might die with you, think about it. My husband did die, and I think that even if I did not leave him, he would have died soon anyways, with the amount of drugs he was ingesting and the risks he was taking.

I done the same, pretended things were fine.
It made me depressed & isolated the same as you, i lost contact with everyone because i did not want anyone to find out my fiance was a cocaine addict, not just to pretect him but because i felt ashamed of myself for staying with him.
I hung on hoping he would stop & go back to being the person i loved but it got worse, we seperated in december 2008 & he went back to an ex girlfriend, now she is probably feeling the same as i did or even worse because he is still using.
I would rather cut my losses than live like that again, your life wont change unless you do something about it. Good luck

Louise

I decided one day, I had had enough! He had not hit his bottom, but I had hit mine. I asked him to leave. He cried and upset the kids, of course, part of his manipulation. He didn't try to see them that much, having one excuse after another, no surprise to me. I found a part-time job that didn't pay much at all, but...was very theraputic. I used food stamps until I made more money. I sold our appliances to the landlord for rent. I borrowed a car for a while from my day. When the school yr was up, I moved us to be nearer to my family for support. I found a better job two wks later, moved out of my sister's place two wks after and yes, we downsized greatly, but...we had a healthy, sane home. That was many yrs ago, and my faith, Al-Anon, counselors and some other people helped me have the courage to change.

I've learned in my own walk in addiction toward clean-living is "in order for one door to open the other has to close." By your refusing to close the door you're presently in, you will get "stuck" and paralysis will keep you from moving and this is all based upon fear. Fear, of this sort, is not healthy. You need to come to grips about who you are and be willing to step out trusting all will be well. If you're concerned about "financial ruin", my only response could be, "so what?" Is this the substance of life? Is it not possible to rise again? As a former addict, who lost a career with IBM, home, family and those shiny things in life. Now 18 years later, I still find myself technically homeless, currently unemployed, I have peace of mind and am enjoying my life. There is this wonderful person in the form of God who continues to provide for my every need and I'm okay with this. Sure, I was afraid to step out on faith, but it's been the best walk I've had. I'd rather be homeless and unemployed and sober than to be homeless and unemployed because of drugs. Since substance abuse is not your issue, but the issue of someone else who is, it's time YOU TAKE CHARGE and make the decisions FOR YOU, and MOVE FORWARD.

Yes, I was there with my ex until I hit my rock bottom where I almost lost myself completely to just plain out insanity and misery. I made the choice that I would rather risk living in poverty with my young son than live like that anymore. It was the BEST thing I ever did for both my son and myself. Unfortunately, my ex is still out there but that's not my problem (never was) and I continue to pray for him to find recovery and through alanon am able to let him go without feeling guilty.

I've been there too. And I too had to take that leap of faith. And it wasn't easy. At 51 I had to move back in with my parents and start from scratch. And today, 2 years later, I have a great job, a nice apartment and am learning to live on my own. My ex...he has continued to go downhill. And is on his second woman he picked up in the gutter. And he has gone to using 24/7. Yes, there are times that it still hurts to think he might die out there. But when we were together, he was dragging me down to his level and I was dying along with him. I have medical issues that are caused by the stress of living with an addict and I'm sorry I didn't wake up a few years earlier and do things very much differently. You can do this, when you are ready.

Amen to your comments Brotherroy! I got to that point yrs ago with my ex. And the kids and I never suffered from getting away from the user while he used. You have to rise above it, and staying in it, was more scary to me.

I am right there with you! I am going thru the same thing so I completely understand your alone helpless feelings. I feel like I can't tell everyone in my life because I am ashamed and scared. I knw my family cannot understand why I wouldnt just leave now but it is hard to explain to people that havent been thru it. I too am scared of the financial ruin as my husband racked up some major credit cards debt. I have recently started to think if I have to, I can do it-if I have to start a new life in debt so be it. I havent done that yet..it is easier said than done. I am still trying to decide if I want him out of my life. So much of me does but this other part that is making me stay is saying your kids need a dad and if he can stay clean he deserves a chance. I dont know if that is the right way of thinking but I dont want to have to tell my kids in 20 years that I didnt give their dad a chance and left him when he needed most. I hope I don't come to regret trying to be supportive. Best of luck in your situation and if you ever want to talk let me know!!