You may not be able to change him, but you can change how you have to deal with this. Do you have boundaries in place? has he broken them? You have to look after yourself first and foremost.

My son, in the midst of his addiction, told me that people were nothing more than sheep to be shorn. He had no moral compulsion to think of anyone but himself. Not us, not his younger sister who was put into terrible situations because of him...not the people he stole from. I understand the feelings. I did not live with my son the last couple of years of his using. Thank God. Even his crazy friends that he moved in with for a while were overwhelmed by his insanity...finally, alone and sick, he chose to get help. I hope your boy does too.
You are not insane. the situation is. addiction is. I have told people here before that I had to come to terms with the idea that my son would soon be dead...and I had the realization that at least he, and our family would have peace...having visited that place, I know that no matter what a loved one of an addict thinks, one of us here has probably already had that same thought. You are not alone.

Hide or lock up your medications that is too much temptation for a person who is a drug addict. It would be like putting a chocolate cake with chocolate icing on my counter and telling me not to have a piece. The brain will not shut up and will keep nagging you until you give in.

if he continues to live with you, i would lock up valuables and medications. when my son lived with us he stole drugs and also money and valuables....we didn't have a clue..
we know so much more now

I thought it was hidden. He is so sneaky. As far as valuables...I don't have anything left at home. He's already been trough what was at home. The rest I have hidden at my work. The prescription had just been filled and I had not had a chance to hide it yet. I'm so angry, I think as angry as I have ever been. Just ready for it to end, one way or another.

Just wanted to offer some empathy. I spent five years living with someone who stole out from under me every chance he got, and who would like at every turn about it. It does make you start to feel insane, but please know you're not. Our instincts are to hope for the best, and that is not insane. Set boundaries--and keep them. It's truly the only thing that can work, and it's very hard to do, but not keeping them only hurts you both.

I have been in your shoes too many times. I did get a safe and locked up everything and my daughter still nags me about medicine daily. She goes to a program right now and I have asked them to take over giving her her daily medicine's it's just giving me too much anxiety. I hope you find some answers, I wish my daughter would find somewhere else to live too but she's got to many problem's right now to live on her own. Someday soon I hope.

There comes a time when its' time to hand your son over to a higher being. Take your anger and redirect it, because they anger is only going to make you sick. Wish and addiction are not possible. Boundaries, not enabling, do. If you want him to live somewhere else, you have to let him know it is not acceptable that he steals and lives under your roof. I have been in your shoes, and the Anger was becoming toxic not to my son, but to me and the rest of my family. Take your life back, create boundaries and consequences for him and you. Your not insane, drugs and what they do to our loved one is.

Everyone keeps telling me to set boundaries. How do you do that with a 19 yr old? He's stronger than I am and it seems that he is always at least one step ahead of me (manipulating). He is spoiled and always has been. He's never been held accountable for anything he's ever done. I am ashamed of the feelings I am having towards him right now. Before it's over I will love him to death I guess.

i know how hard it is. peoople used to say to me let go and let God. i thought what are you talking about. how do you do that. it is soooooo hard. you are their mom and everything in you wants to help them and do everything in your power to save them. I will pray for you. there will come a time when you are able to give it all to your higher power and have some sense of peace. hugs xoxo

my friend, you hit it right on the head, he is in control and he is spoiled and has never been accountable for anything. It's time. He is in control because you are allowing him to be, if you don't set boundaries now at 19 it will spiral out of control. You are exactly right, addicts are manipulative and calculating and they will do and say whatever they have to so they can get high. Those are the cold hard facts I'm sorry to say. Take control of your life and your feelings, you don't have to say another word, they are normal, and it's not feelings towards your son you have, it's the feelings towards the addict. You need to separate your son from the addict, create the boundaries for the addict, so that you can hopefully get your son back. We are here for support.

Codependent people can enable their loved ones to death. We are good people, but in this disease, we can contribute to the addiction by not making significant changes. We all have our limits. I know I did. I also know that anger was a huge motivator for change for me. What I used to tolerate in my home is no longer the case. I get to control what goes on here and if I am ever uncomfortable with someone's behavior, they are asked to leave, that goes for family members too. I have a set of boundaries and reasonable expectations that I have developed through years of painful experiences and now I can say that while people may have gotten mad at me, they are still alive. I never want it on my conscious that I enabled someone to death because in this disease, it happens. It takes a lot of courage to make changes and we cannot do it alone. I needed lots of support to learn to do things differently and today I feel freer than I ever have. It is your life and it's up to you how you choose to live it. Even when it comes to our children, who we love unconditionally, setting boundaries and sticking to them is loving them, even though they may tell us differently. If your son is in active addiction, he is not the son you once knew. The behavior becomes lying, cheating and stealing. The addiction has taken over until he chooses to get help to save his life. By setting boundaries, you are making it harder for him to be comfortable in his addiction. I wish you the very best and know that you are supported in your journey! You get to have a life!

The number one things parents do is not set rules and boundaries. So by age 19 you have a young adult who thinks he can do whatever and that makes you feel helpless. You forget it is your house. Your house; your rules if he can't follow your rules then tell him he will have to leave and support himself. Example, if not in school he has to get a job. He also has a curfew and help out around the house. Its the small things in the beginning he will try to manipulate you but as times goes by you will get better at sticking to your boundaries.
You are only as helpless as you let yourself be.

Sweet momma,,, know what your going through,, trust me its ok, to have the feelings,,, but direct them at the addict,,, use your anger positively,,,

Visually close your eyes,,,, setting boundaries,, is like when they start building a home,,, boundaries must be set so the foundation of the house has balance,, so it just won't topple over,,and come crashing down,,,, so you plan,, what's best for the foundation,,, it's about reacting to the circumstance, but pro acting,, if you just dwell in the ground,, and don't find a solution then the house never gets built,,,

Don't be afraid of your 19 year old son,,, I have 4 kids,, 23( daughter ,also my addict ) 20 year old son,, he is 6,2 about 260,, big boy,, 17 girl, 16 year old girl,, and I raise my granddaughter 6,,, that would be a day I was afraid of them,,,,, I demand respect,, I don't ask for it,,, but also give it back,,, my kids know now,,, that when I say it I mean it,,, taken awhile to get here,,, you have to practice it,,,, there peace in my home,,, i'v learned that telling and screaming only raises my blood pressure,, they tune you out after 15 words ,,,, when dealing with the addict,,, it's either black or white,,, keep conversation to 15 words , do they are unable to manipulate you,,,, A threat when not followed through,,, is wasted air ,., you now make the addict happy because they have controll !!

I'm here for you,, been where you are,,, I can remember locking up the heart worm medicine for the dog,,, addicts will get high in anything, when they are feining

Peace momma

Don't give up hope,,, just stop giving in

Thanks everyone for the support. I'm still just so very angry. I don't recall ever feeling like this. If I didn't love him I wouldn't care what happened. But, I'm afraid this is going to get worse before it gets better.

Unfortunately your right,,until the addiction becomes worse then the pleasure of the drug,,, they will not stop!!

Blues famous lines,,, if only loving them,, could them stop,

Release the anger, direct it to a solution,

Never give up hope,, stop giving in

Peace momma!