Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

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different day same story

marg6300
marg6300
I'm sick of the repetitive nature of this addiction my son has. He went into treatment and only lasted 2 days. I thought he was there for over two weeks before he contacted me. He said I don't like it its too hard and I want to come home and do intensive outpatient treatment like I did last year. It really was helping. Yeah he relapsed almost every month right before every family event we had and the day his sister left for college he took off with a backpack to go get high but not before stealing my emerald and diamond ring my husband gave to me on our wedding day. What did he do while living with us? Nothing too productive, no work no school, no AA meetings no NA meetings no sponsor! so you know what? I bet he did like it better at home last year but I am finally not going to let him manipulate me. He hates the healing place because they walk all over the city to their various classes and eat lunch with the homeless at the soup kitchen. They break them down to try and teach them humilty, something my son is surely in need of but anyway I'm NOT letting him come back. I have done EVERYTHING a loving parent can do only to find out that those are not the things that are going to help him. He has got to start helping himself.... I tell him I love him each and everytime he asks for my help, when he says I'm cold and hungary I tell him to go back to The Healing place, they will never turn you away and I tell him to look for Gods hand, that he will never desert him. I know I have to be tough and we are all prepared to stay strong as a family now its Justin's turn to accept that we mean it when we say we can't do it for you anymore...
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am in a similar situation with my husband. i asked him to leave the house after he relasped a few months ago. He became very angry with me, told me I needed to save him, that he couldn't do it without me, that we needed to be a team etc.... Well, I stood my ground and kept him out of the house. Someone else posted the addicts plea and I think one of the parts said, "you have to get out of the way so I can hit my bottom" or something similar. We have to do this for our loved ones and we have to stay strong in our convictions because they can only get sober on their own. The thing that you can do as a loving parent now is to allow him to get sober on his own. I'll tell you what others told me recently, stay strong you are doing the right thing :)
jainlor
jainlor
oh marg. again I am sorry that he didn't stay. I so hoped he would. But I am proud of you for not taking him back. as harsh as that sounds wishing you strength. my prayers are with you and also with justin
deehigs
deehigs
Marg I really truly believe that you have tryed everything else to help Justin and sadly none if it worked. I think at this point there really is nothing more you can do. I know these are only words and it is easy to say for me because it is not my son and I am not the one who has to stay strong and say no when he comes asking for help when your heart is screaming yes help him and your head us saying no don't do it. I know that you wanted nothing less than for Justin to get it before this had to come to this but sadly that is not the case. I have been there with Matt and know how heartbreaking it really is . I know at any point in time I could be right back where we were and I pray numerous times of day to never go back there. I'm so very sorry Marg that he has not found his way YET but I will continue to pray for Justin and all of our loved ones on here it is a heartbreaking journey but the reward is so worth it when they do decide to change and fight for it. I think you're a GREAT mom and I wish you peace! Here for you always Dee
dmatt124
dmatt124
Marg, you have done everything not only a loving mother can do, but also you have done everything you believed would help Justin to make the right choices. You are doing the right thing Marg, and I can't imagine the pain but you are stronger than you know, and you are an awesome Mother, wife and friend. I will pray that Justin will reach for the hand that will guide him.
blueviolet725
blueviolet725
Bless you and prayers for your rest and healing. He has every opportunity to still get well. Meanwhile, you have managed to be a powerful leader, and i hope that reaches him soon.
kimpalmer
kimpalmer
Aww sweetie, these were hard words to read... I am so sorry.. You are a wonderful mom... And I know what you mean about having them in your home... Sam was the same.. No job, no applications, no meetings, etc. I pray everyday for all of our kids, I will pray specifically that Justin reach out for the hand that God extends. Love you
jen50
jen50
Marg, I am sorry to hear this as well. I believe you are making the most difficult, heart wrenching, but RIGHT decision by NOT letting him come back home. Why are the right decisions the hardest ones?? By saying "no", and not enabling him it surely demonstrates that YOU are on the right track of healing.
Maybe Justin hasn't hit his "bottom" yet? Maybe being cold and hungry is what he needs right now. When he is ready, he will seek healing....
I will continue to pray for him (and you and your family)!!! This is such a difficult road we are all on!
deleted_user
deleted_user
As difficult as it may be to do, you're doing the right thing. Being at home apparently ISN'T helping him recover. It didn't help my daughter either. She went from program to program and even left the state but eventually she got clean without my help. I told her "I'm a terrible resource for you because what I can offer isn't nearly enough" She understood that. Whether she did or not, I wasn't going to let her back in my house and I didn't.

As long as us parents keep softening the blows, our children don't get the full impact of the consequences they are bringing upon themselves. I prayed and cried a lot and God answered my prayers but He had to do His thing in His time. The word says "Teach a child in the way they should go, and when they are older, they will not depart from it." Unfortunately, it doesn't say how much older lol

I'm adding my prayers to yours.
jms7229
jms7229
I also, am in a similar state of mind with my AH. It seems he just cannot get out of his own way. It always comes down to the same basic truth. That we have no control over their actions, and must struggle every day to detach and remain sane, so addiction does not infect our soul's as well. ( while recognizing with compassion the addict's struggle). My heartfelt sympathy to us all and many many unceasing prayers.