I don't know if I'm over-reacting to a situation that just happened tonight. I'm in a long-term relationship with an alcoholic. At one point, he was sober for over a year, but then he fell off the wagon, about 3 months ago, because he went into a bar that is located on the grounds of where he works, got drunk, blacked out, passed out, and has no memory of that night.

So, naturally, after that, I was a little nervous about the fact that there is a bar on the grounds of where he works. But he always made it sound like this bar was way, way on the outskirts of the grounds, not near him. He also never mentioned any other alcohol on the grounds of where he works. He also told me that he told his boss/co-workers about his problem, so that they wouldn't ask him to join him after work anymore for a beer.

Well. Tonight I was at his workplace, and I thought I'd drop by and say hello to him while I was there. He knew that I was maybe going to do this, and seemed totally fine with it.

So I got there, and the first thing I noticed is that this bar is right practically beside where he works. Okay, nothing to over-react about. Then, as I'm walking to his building, I notice a beer garden set up, which he never told me about. I stuipidly assume that his work has nothing to do with beer gardens, and don't over-react, and just continue to walk and go look for him.

So I finally get to his building, and, in the ten minutes I'm there, 4 people in a row either invite him to the beer garden, offer to buy him a drink, or something similar. I'm not exaggerating at all - 4 people, in 10 minutes. One of the people wants him to do some work in the beer garden, a couple offer to buy him a drink, etc.

And guess what happens next? Somehow, in the course of conversation, he mentions that he has drink tickets (you know, tickets that you can exchange for drinks). I ask him why, and he said that they gave them to him, and he was hanging onto them, because he was going to give them to someone else. Okay, he was totally honest about these, I'll give him credit for that. But last time he fell of the wagon it was because he had drink tickets that he was going to give to someone else, but, instead, went to the bar on that's on the grounds!!!!!

So by then I'm confused, angry, mixed up. But I don't want to be unfair and yell or anything, until I've had a chance to think. Plus he's at work, and I don't want to embarass him at work, in front of co-workers, etc.

So I talk to him after work, and he's a little on the defensive side. Not super-defensive, not angry, just a little bit defensive. He was actually pretty calm and reasonable. But I'm just still mixed up and confused...

...he said that he didn't mean to mis-lead me, and that he thought he explained where the bar was, like how close to him it was. Okay, I believe that. But obviously he didn't really tell his co-workers about his problem...he had some sort of lame-sounding excuse about how the people asking him for beer weren't technically his co-workers, because they weren't in his department, but, I don't know, sounds kinda flimsy.

And the co-worker thing is not my main problem, anyway. My main problem is that, here he is, working on these grounds that reguarley have Beer Gardens and Cabarets and stuff set up, and he's in those environments, working in them, getting invited into them, etc., and he never told me about that.

I just think it's weird that he never told me. I mean, he has promised me never, ever to go into a bar, yet here here he is, working in beer gardens and other places with alcohol, and he never thinks to tell me???

He kept saying things that just sounded lame to me, in terms of excusing it. He said that if he's in the beer gardens, it's for work, and employees aren't allowed to drink when working. Well, okay, fine, but there's obviously about a zillion chances to go into the beer garden, or bar, or cabaret after work or on his lunch hour or something, and, from the way all the other people were acting, it seems that going to the beer gardens is something all the employees do there...

...I mean, this is a physical labour job, and we're talking about a bunch of guys who work there and seem to regularly hang out at the beer gardens, etc. So it seems it's really a part of the work culture. I just think he should have told me this. Why keep it secret?

And, also, why is he okay with working in a place where he will be constantly tempted???

I mean, I realize it's his life, and not mine, and if he wants to work in a place where he's always tempted, I can't tell him not to, but, why would he choose that???

And what is the point in promising me he'll never go into a bar, when he practically works in one??

I don't know what to think. I feel like I've been misled by him. I thought he worked on these huge grounds, and there was one bar, far far from his building, and now I find out that there's a bar right there beside him, plus events constantly being set up that involve Beer Gardens and Cabarets, plus I find out that all his buddies drink after work, and seem to constantly invite him for beers, plus I find out he actually works in these Beer Gardens and other places, plus it doesn't seem like anyone there knows about his drinking problem at all.

I'm confused.

I don't know what to do. I obviously can't tell him where to work, yet knowing he's around all that temptation makes me worry. Plus I'm worried and mad about why he wasn't honest.