welcome,,, first off,,, glad you found us,, sorry you going through this,,,, second,,,, my love,,, no need to threat,,, actually it's meaningless,,, you going to call 911,, do it,,, the addict is very smart,, empty threats,, they actually laugh,, cause we don't follow through,,, third educated yourself,, learn everything and anything you can on addiction,,, the traits of an addict,, they lie, steal, cheat, manipulate,,(oh that is their biggest assest.. manipulation),, well why would he go to a facility?,, stand firm,,, put his clothes in a bag on the front porch,, and give him no choice,,, until the addiction becomes worse then the pleasure of the drug,, they have no reason to quit,,, You feel lost and helpless,, because your addicted son has control over you,,,, detach,,, love your son,,, with all your heart,,, but hate the addiction,,,, set boundaries,,, read post,,, if you need help,,, we are here to help you,,,, your not hopeless,,, you need to regain the hope,,, learn the diffiernece between helping and enabling,,, enabling kills,,, helping saves,,,, what has to change is you,,,,,, he is 24,, if he does not go to rehap,,, but his things in a bag, on your front porch,, change the locks,,,, tell him you love him with all your heart,,, but you no longer will feed his addicition,,, you can not control him,,, make him get help,, nor can you fix this,,,, but you can control you,,,, take care of you,,, you do not own,,, this,,, He owns this,,, this is his problem,, until he has consquences,,, he will not be help accountable,,

never give up,,, has long as their is life there is hope,,, just stop giving in,,,,,, or you will become addicited to your addict,,,

read old post,,, ask questios, vent,,, we know


peace

my son went to a homeless facility...I saved his record collection for him...that was about it. Best thing and hardest thing that we ever went through.
He won't get well unless he wants to...and you providing any comfort takes away any modivation for him to change. Be strong...figure out what you are willing to do...Know that you are not alone and each of us appreciates how much this situation sucks.
Give him a deadline and follow through is the only advice I can give. Save yourself and it will help to save him. So sorry you are going through this.

Addicts very seldom just stop using drugs or drinking. It is a slow progressive process with many ups and downs. Calling 911 is useless the police cannot do much and will only force someone into a mental facility if they are endanger to themselves and others.
Practice setting boundaries and understand that there are many bumps in the road. Never threaten unless you are prepared to follow through and also I would let him continue seeing the counselor. I hope it is an addictions counselor as they know what are lies and what aren't, but they also know it is a long hard road and many are not ready to seek help yet. Here is some helpful reading for you that might help you. On mondays there is an online meeting in the evenings.
http://www.smartrecovery.org/resources/family.htmhttp://www.smartrecovery.org/resources/library/For_Family_Volunteers_Professionals/those_who_care.htm

Welcome! we were all in the same place your were, feeling hopeless and desperate. Don't give up hope, and from the mouth of my son ( recovery 23 months) said I decided to get help, when I knew you and Dad were no longer going to accept my drug use. after 2 rehabs, countless threats, my life unraveling, and me becoming addicted to my sons addiction, I Finally did the hardest thing that many of us had to do, an that was stick to our guns, and give our addicts the choice, drugs, or living in our home. Your son can get well, if HE wants too. you can love and support him, but it is his journey and it is the hardest thing to understand. Our stories are the same, the endings different, but the one thing that remains true, is they have to want this. hugs to you

I am sorry for what you are going through, but welcome to our group! Please know, you are not alone! We are ALL traveling this horrible path....together.
I am not as wise as some of the other women in this support group; however, I would offer a couple of suggestions / insights:
Find support, take care of yourself, set limits / boundaries with your son (and stick to them), remain hopeful, and say the Serenity Prayer often!!!!
My son is a 22 yo Herroin addict, and has been clean / sober 10 1/2 months (but whos counting!). He is good, and working his program:) With that said....I know relapse is a very real part of our addicts lives. I remain supportive (but stick to our boundaries), hopeful, and at peace.
Stay strong and hopeful! He will get clean....when he is ready ;(

I want to thank all of you for your words of WISDOM and support. I will read and inform myself because the problem is I am not willing to accept the fact that my son is not who he use to be and is now the master of manipulation. Last night my husband came home and found him unresponsive and called 911. He stopped breathing but the fine EMS crew SAVED HIS LIFE! He was under the care of a psychiatrist for drug counseling and abusing his other street drugs as well and the combination could have been deadly. Thank god my husband was home! I guess I shouldn't have been so surprised to learn that he was lying to the counselor about being anxious while going through withdrawal just to get more drugs, all the while, still using! He is currently in the hospital and is suffering from pneumnonia due to the fact he aspirated and water filled his lungs while they were reviving him. I am nervous but hopeful that this might be a turning point. I will stand firm and tell him I don't want him to come home unless he gets help. I need to be strong and your posts are so very helpful. I appreciate the advice an knowledge that I am getting from all of you. I will keep you all and my son in my prayers. Thank you so much for giving me strength.

I am so grateful that you and your husband were able to get your son to the hospital....and for the EMS team that saved him.
I too hope that this is enough for him to stop. Never stop hoping. I couldn't believe that 6 months in Jail wouldn't get my son to stop drinking....I don't even know how he finally got ready to get help.
It sounds terrible to say, but I hope he has to stay in there a while...the longer he is sober the better...and then? I hope they can offer him a treatment center to go to.
I am so sorry your family has to go through all this.
He has a second chance. I am happy for that.
Be strong. This is a great opportunity to set your boundaries. Take care of the rest of you.

I'm so very sad you and your family are suffering so terribly. I pray this latest incident will be a turning point for your son. My heart goes out to you. My son is 23 and has serious issues with drinking. While we love our sons so very much, they are in dire need of change. A change in lifestyle, a change of attitude, a positive change in their lives.

I've only recently joined this group, and I have so much to learn. But it is comforting to know we have each other to lean on. To share our concerns and worries. God bless you and saying prayers for you and your son. (((Hugs)))

Hi and welcome but am so sorry it's due to such a sad but familiar set of circumstances - I'd like to first assure you that you're not alone on this journey. Most of us have been or are there now with the goal of surviving and conquering this horrible disease. I want to encourage you to take the advice already given; educate yourself to start learning the difference between enabling vs helping your addict because the later can be the difference between life & death. I hope your son is doing better and my prayers to you and your family.

Well just updating my son's situation after his potential overdose on Friday. Where I thought it would be a turning point for him to get help, he is actually pissed off at me and my husband for calling 911. He is now in the hospital and keeps asking when he is getting out. He is actually threatening that if we thought he was bad before, see what happens when he gets out. That is it......he cannot come home! We are trying to have the doctors give up parental consent to be in charge of his decisions, because we are fearful that he will hurt himself. The only problem is that they are talking psychiatric facility rather than rehab. I am so torn, I don't know if he would mentally survive a place like that. I don't want to put him over the edge. This is such a terrible situation. I thought this would have been a turning point for him, but it has made him more angry.

Hi I just wanted to let you know I went through a very similar situation a little more than a year and a half ago with my son who was 18 at the time. My son too almost died from a heroin overdose and thankfully the paramedics ( who will always be considered angels to me) saved my son as well. I too thought well this has to be it he must now realize what he is doing to himself but sadly he continued using albeit different drugs but on and off for awhile after that incident. I believe it scarred me more than it did him because I was the one who found him and he didn't recall mist if it because he was so out if it. I just want to let you know that my son did have to be put in a psych unit and quite frankly as horrible as it was to see him there I knew it was where he needed to be at that point. Fast forward it has now been over 15 months since my son has used heroin or any other opiates . He has had a couple of slip ups with other substances but they have become fewer and further and further apart. I know he is trying and has become a much more stable person. He is not perfect and every now and then he does drink but he is almost a completely different person than he was a year and a half ago. In my version of his recovery he would never do drugs again or drink for that matter but unfortunately I have no control over it and now know I never really did. I did set boundaries no giving him money and making him take drug tests randomly while living at home NO DRUGS EVER in my house ( I have two younger children ) and that is not acceptable. Long story short I ALWAYS ALWAYS. Let him know how much I loved him no matter what . I encouraged sobriety and let him know I would help him in anyway to achieve that goal. Again his recovery is still a work in progress and probably always will be even though he does it his way not my way but the progress is being made. So I just want you to know there is always hope ! I'm sorry for what you are going through because I know how draining and upsetting it really is . I will say a prayer for your son and your whole family and know you are never alone on this heartbreaking journey. Dee

I'm so sorry I am so glad my friend Dee shared with I you because her situation was so similar. Never give up hope and set your boundaries . Right now his anger is from not having the drugs couple with his emotions being all over the place, he is in a safe place right now. I will say a prayer for your son and know we are all here.

Dee I want to thank you for sharing your post with me. I am truly starting to feel a little more hope, especially after reading how many people have or are going through what we are going through. Draining is not the word. Can't function at home, work or anywhere and the holidays do not help! We don't know what is going to happen because as of now he is in the hospital completely agitated saying crazy things. He gets evaluated by the psych doctor today and they may feel he needs to be transferred to a psych hospital. I hope that doesn't throw him over the edge. Our options to him last night were do it their way and go to a psych hospital or do it our way and go directly to rehab. He refused and threw us out of his hospital room telling us how much he hates us. I know this is the withdrawal talking and not my beautiful son. We told him he is absolutely not coming home to continue his life of lying and using. The best Christmas gift I could get if for him to go to rehab. The friends that he hung out with are no longer around, probably out of fear that they were all doing the same thing. It is a long road and I am so scared but I am so glad to have found this wonderful group of new friends.

Joenick were glad you found us too! I have learned so much from my friends on here and I have no doubt it has helped me considerably with dealing with my sons situation. You are 100% correct about your sons hateful words to you it is the drug withdrawal talking not your real son. Keep staying strong and stick to your convictions about him going to rehab the thing is it may work or it may not but there is a greater chance if him recovering by going through rehab than there is by letting him come home and going right back to what he was doing. Every day he is not using drugs is one more day for his head to clear and start thinking about the things he was doing a little bit more clearly. It is not an easy road to travel but know we are here for you. Hugs Dee

I feel your pain I really do. I was in your. Shoes a little over 2 years ago. My son was about that age when we realized how. Bad his addiction was. After a year of trying to help him and really just enabling him we let him fall. He fell hard, almost died. But that's what it took for him to ask for help.
Looking back there are many things I would have done different. But everyone's path must be done in their own way and their own time.
Trust your instincts. Do your research on recovery programs-there are many free or low cost that are excellent. It really comes down to how bad they want to get over their addiction and on with a happy, healthy and productive life.
Big hugs to you!