Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

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detoxed but back at it again

cantdoitaloneanymore
cantdoitaloneanymore
Ok, so the home detox worked or at least I thought it did. Now I think he just used that time to rest or hide out. It's been 7 days and he's back at it. I don't think he ever stopped using. His withdrawal symptoms were never that bad. I came home from work today he wasn't home. Then a strange vehicle pulls in our drive. When I got out of my car the strange vehicle left. Later I find out that it's the boyfriend of the girl my son is with. This girl is the only one of his friends I trusted. Boy she had me fooled. I'm so pissed right now.....I wish I was dead instead of his Daddy...he got out easy. Cant get him inpatient rehab, was supposed to go to a NA meeting tonight, intensive outpatient isn't available locally ( he doesn';t have a car and I work out of town), he doesn't qualify for Medicaid because, thank God, he doesn't have kids. Got him enrolled in healthcare for $187 a month, that I will have to pay, but it doesn't go into effect until August 1. Right now I think it would just be a waste of money that I really don't have extra. So frustrated and confused. I don't even feel safe in my own home.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm fairly new to this group so I'm not sure I know the entire story. I think it is time to invite him to live elsewhere and set those boundaries. I know it is difficult to set and stick with boundaries when it comes to our children but, for your health and well being, it is a must. You didn't make him an addict and you can't cure him. He has to want it. They all talk such a good game sometimes. I want to believe my son when he tells me things I want to hear but, in my head, I know it isn't true. Hang in there and take care of yourself.
cantdoitaloneanymore
cantdoitaloneanymore
Thanks Jaber. I'm better today that yesterday...not as much drama going on. But, I do know that he isn't clean. I'm trying to get him to do to a detox facility. Even if he does that, I'm not sure what to do next. I'm frustrated and mentally and physically exhausted yet I refuse to give up on him.
kimpalmer
kimpalmer
sorry to say, but letting go and giving up are two different things... I had to "let my son go"... nothing I did could make him stop using... but I will never give up on him.. as long as he is breathing, there is hope that he will one day recover... but he has to do it on his own.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm a queen of letting go and as such I'm going to give you my advice again. It's the same advice I was given over 2-years ago when I joined up here - Let him go and here's my suggestion on how you can do it...

Pack up all his stuff, leave it and any kind of last communication (dear John note, list of treatment and housing facilities, address of nearest Salvation Army, etc) outside the door and have all your locks changed ASAP. Once done and if you're at all fearful of the situation call your local police and ask that they send a patrol car or community service vehicle by frequently (maybe communicate this action in the note as well) and start detaching from HIS drama and the entire situation. Remember you can't control it, you didn't 't cause it and you can't fix or cure it; he has to do it.

Start taking care of yourself. Find a support group, educate yourself on this disease; maybe you could plan a trip, or connect with an old friend, take up reading - whatever ??? just do it so you can start to heal and become a stronger, better you.

Peace...