Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

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Denial IS harmful !!

deehigs
deehigs
Sad story about denial . My sister inlaw has a 23 year old sister who has struggled with addiction for quite sometime. She has totaled 3 cars and had a breath thing installed in her car which I know she has had her own mother blow into it for her in the past anyway the last year she has been really in a tailspin. A few overdoses which her mom refused to recognize as such made up things like she had a virus etc... A couple months back she was found in NY city beaten and unconcious in the street when a Good Samaritan called for help was hospitalized and when she came to called my sister inlaw looking for a ride home. There have been numerous calls to my sister inlaw in the middle of the night by her mom begging for a ride to Brooklyn to go get her in the midst of a new and never ending crisis. I just found out today that she is now in a local hospital after suffering yet another overdose and this time she will probably not come back from it. She was kept home by her mom for 3 days after using God knows what and she was unresponsive that whole time and her mom just though she was sick. Now she can not communicate has involuntary arm and leg movements and can not speak or make any intelligent contact with her surroundings. Her brain has been so abused the doctors are not very optimistic about her chances if recovery. My sis inlaw is devestated . I don't for the life if me understand her moms denial can anyway please explain this to me? Maybe had she gotten help sooner there would be more hope who knows? Prayers for Annie please thanks Dee
kimpalmer
kimpalmer
I'm so sorry Dee.. stories like this just make me so sad...
deehigs
deehigs
Thanks Kim I know it's terribly tragic I just have to say this and I'm sorry if I offend anyone but I fucking HATE drugs!!!!!!
cardinal39
cardinal39
your post really hit home,,,I'm pretty sure all of us at one time, were in denial,, at least I was,,, as I look back, I do see the signs, of course with the knowledge I have today I have a different perception. Denial is kinda of like why the qualifier uses drugs to numb, or escape, I think for me, if I didn't put a stamp on it, perhaps their behavior would just go away,,, like putting a picture on the wall where a hole is,,, if I didn't have to see it,, it was covered, and still look normal,,, Yes guess I can say, I've come along way,,,, fortunately for me, I was able to come to terms with my daughters addicition,, and acknowledge her addicition has not only put me on the road to recovery,, but perhaps her,,, just like denial and enabling sort of go hand in hand,,, when in fact both are so unhealthy,,, I'm so thankfull that I realized this before it was to late...

so sorry for your sister-in-law,,, and your family,,,, and I so agree with you,, I HATE FUCKING drugs too,, but I refuse to allow it to hold me hostage,, and one day,,, the Matts, Justin, Sean Katelins,, and whoever else I missed will break free from the chains of hell,,, because we are no longer in denial,, the devil will not win,,,,

all of us moms,,, stand proud, stand firm,, and put those fighting clothes on ( with a little lipstick,, cause momma always said,, lipstick gives you power)

all of us here,,, stand united, holding each other,,, the wall of strength

love ya!
dmatt124
dmatt124
Amen, sister! Drugs are the devil in disguise. I am so sorry for your sister in law and especially sorry for her Mom, because in reality she always knew what was happening she just did not have the strength, maybe lack of knowledge to admit that her daughter was suffering. She now has to live with that, imagine. I have learned a long time ago when my mom was diagnosed bi-polar that each one of my siblings responded differently, and at first I was appalled that each one was responding positively and pro-actively. It was during that time, that I learned not everyone can accept reality for whatever the reason is. I pray for your sis in-law, and I especially pray for her Mom, because I couldn't imagine living with that guilt.
blueviolet725
blueviolet725
the babysitter for my church was a recovering alcholic. Her husband was an active drinker. I met her a couple of years later, and her husband was with her, walking kind of funny....he had drank so much he went into a coma and suffered serious brain damage...and now she has a zombie living with her. She was happy he was sober....what a mess!
Denial can be before or after the event. Mom may never see things clearly, obviously way to painful for her to face.
I am so very sorry. I will light my cndle tomorrow for Annie.
patnard
patnard
Drug addiction is such an evil disease, I believe your sister in law knew in her heart what was going on but it's the brain that denies. I know in my case it took many years before I would admit my daughter, my baby was a drug addict. With the help of the women in this wonderful group I realized I was loving her to death and had to change my ways and for that I thank you all because I still have my daughter today.
I will keep Annie in my prayers and her mom, she must be so lost right now. God Bless !!
jainlor
jainlor
I am so sorry. I don't know why people are in denial for so long. I know I was also...maybe it's incomprehendable to us that our kids are that far gone. and I hate drugs also. and I hate the lives they destroy. thanks for being here for all of us
deehigs
deehigs
Thank you for making me look at it from a different point of view you're probably right she probably just couldn't accept it. I know her mom loves her very much and I'm sure she would never knowingly hurt her daughter in anyway it's a terrible thing and I'm not sure it would make any difference one way or another I hope she doesn't feel guilty because that would just be terrible for her to carry that burden too thanks everyone for your prayers you are all such special people. Dee
marg6300
marg6300
I think this is a very sad story.. My prayers and thoughts go out to this family who has to maybe live with some guilt for something they did or did not do to their loved one. and I find denial is a very different and weird kind of word. Everyday when I show up for work I am in denial because otherwise how would I perform my job? if I admitted to the absolute horrific feelings and emotions I was going through I would be a blubbering mess so sometimes I deny how things really are. I think we all do. When I was growing up my mom drank one day a week uncontrollably and my dad never once spoke of it in fact no-one ever spoke of my moms drinking problem until after she died. I guess its a coping mechanism. Does it help? Hell no for years i was furious with my dad thinking if we could have just gotten her help maybe she would not have died at age 51.. Every person is different and we all admit to as much as we can on any given day..
deleted_user
deleted_user
I couldn't agree more with what you-all have said. And yes this is such a sad situation. Dee my heart goes out to your sis-in-law and I pitty her mother who enabled her child into such a state - so utterly sad. I'll definitely pray for Annie and if it's His will ask God to bring her back into the lite.

Did you know that the word "denial" was first used by Freud and was translated from his 1914 writings - it means "an unconscious suppression of painful or embarrassing feelings." I don't know about the rest of you but I was sure there during the early stages of Paul's drug use. I can only thank God that He opened my eyes and kicked my ass in gear at the right time...