I can relate 1000%.!!! Prayers are with you. I'm in this hell few years longer than you, and what an emotional roller coaster. My husband and I did exactly what you are doing. Detaching from friends, family and other kids. I am back on this site for support. My other option is to leave, I am so done!! I am practicing what I am breaching find a meeting alanon. With this site and the meeting they do help. They help us to take care of ourselves and give over to our higher power. Let go let God, is my main stay. (sometimes sooo hard to do). I hear your heartache and anger. We didn't ask for this, didn't cause, and cannot cure it. They have choices, but so do we. My choice is to live. If you have other children at home, you must consider them. They will pick up on everything that is done or not done. If you know what I mean. My heart aches for you....I know exactly what you are going through. Please know you are not alone. Prayers and hugs for you.

Jimmy came home and we had a talk about his 'refusal' to take a drug test, according to him, he is clean and he cannot wait to leave the house because his father and I are the reason he will use drugs again soon.

We took away everything from him, especially his car, so how do we expect him to move forward in his life with nothing? He said "I did nothing wrong"... I went to rehab (3 weeks, walked out), I came back from florida (ran away, scammed a ticket out of a diff rehab center to get there), and I have been home now so you should have not taken my life away from me." is he truly serious?

I may be stupid, but I tried, I tried to talk with him, tried to explain that he's in same position he was when he was 19 and the only way he will "unstick" himself is by changing. He doesn't want to hear it. according to him, it's our fault. We should have given him back his life - the way it was. I took away the one thing he loved the most, his car, and according to him, he will break into the garage where we have it stored one day and drive it away (lots of big talk).... but he's just not "moving", he's got lots of blame for everyone else.

Oh and we should be accepting the disrespectful girlfriend too who treated my house like a hotel and wouldn't go home when we asked, etc. Thank goodness she is not allowed in my home anymore - she had nerve to tell me I was a "mess". that I am punishing my son who did nothing wrong.

Ok, I am done. I saw him, he came home and left again. Who knows when this damn ride will be over.

I am sorry for what your are going through. it is so hard when they just don't get it and we have done all in our power to help them and they are still disrespectful and blaming us for everything. my advice - let him go= as hard as it is. everything he is saying is a desperate addict talking. DO NOT GIVE HIM THE CAR. I so wish we had taken my son's car away sooner if we could. he went from bad to worse with that car.

Too late on the car, it is already on Craigslist
And I may just take it to a dealer and see if they will
Buy from me just to take the $ loss and get it over with. Even tho we have told Jimmy he will never see it again, I want it truly gone. Then he will be even more freaked out and upset, but according to him he never did anything wrong so it will just continue to be my fault anyway.

How move forward?,,, UHm stop trying to controll your son,, by taking all the things away,,, truthfully that is not going to make him stop using, in fact it could make him use,,, setting boundaries does not mean taking over ones life,,, or making life miserable , boundaries are to maintain peace in a chaotic situation, and have balance,,, from what I'm reading your life is in up roar,,, let go,, give back all those things,, right up boundaries,,, must take a random drug test weekly, must be home by certain time,, ect,,,,,, this girlfriend is the most important person in his life,, regardless if you like her or not,, by forcing it upound him to make a choice,, be prepared your not going to like the out come, There comes a time in our young adults that we stop parenting,,,or controlling,,, we have taught them everything thus far,, our job has ended and a new journey has begun,, we are here if they want guidance,, you want him to be responsible well allow him to,,, by taking things away,, it's basically like taking a rug,, throwing it over a hole,,, the hole is still there,, and if you step just right on the rug,, your going to fall through,, instead of focusing just on all the negatives and what jimmy is not,,, refocus on the positives and see jimmy for who he is,,,, you have to rememer the addiction has underlying issues,, the reason they use drugs is to numb the area of their weakness,,, addicts have very low self esteem, they don't Llove themselves,,, when they go into recovery is learning how to cope Znd build their self esteem ,,, it's not just about them not getting high,,,
Your tears of frusruration is not its about jimmy I truly believe you can't control this,,, your use to fixing everything,,, So my love let go,,, and let your son fly on his own,,, be there,, watch and love with all your heart,,,, keep conversation to 15 words,, jimmy we are giving you a random drug test ,, if you choose not to take it,,, then you must leave, your decision, be firm,, do not shout,,,

You can only controll you!!!

Peace momma,,, wipe those tears, put your big girl pants on, some lipstick,,, you are a proud mother, who happens to have a son that is an addict,,, until he is ready to change,,, you cant not make him,, you no longer will allow him to stay,, if he chooses to use,,,

The tears keep coming because it totally SUCKS to have a child that is an addict! I try very hard to be positive, participate in support groups, give our son over to God, etc., but the bottem line is....this does SUCK at times!
OK, with that being said.....It sounds as though you and your husband are standing firm (together), and have made it clear that the drugs are NOT ok and that you are not going to enable him any longer. This is a difficult step! Give yourself some credit:) I think that is the 1st step in healing. Now, hold firm, find a support system, put your lipstick on, and go out to dinner with your honey and don't discuss your son! LOL
Good luck, hang in there, and thoughts and prayers for you and your family!

When I read your words I totally feel your pain and agony.
This evil is not only stealing your son but trying to take your life as well, where as you become as sick as your addicted son.
WE MUST FIGHT BACK!!! We can't allow ourselves and family to be ruined by this ( I say this because I see this in my situation as well)
We didn't make the choice to use drugs so why should we suffer? We suffer because we love, protect and want good things for our kids and to experience what you are going through is absolutely unfair and so very painful. My prayers to you and your family.

Mallen, you are a smart women, but you need to look in the mirror and take control of your life. Re-read your post. The insanity of your sons addiction is brining you down a path of self-destruction. Jimmy is incapable of caring about you or anyone else right now, it's not the girlfriend, it's him. Of course it is painful this is your child, but you are doing the same thing over and over just trying a different to get a result.

I have realized that a lot of times we are very much like our addicts, until we hit rock bottom with no more options, that is when we are force to stop enabling them. This is not an easy decision, but Mallen I will tell you this, only he can make the choice to get to sober, you get let him know that you will support him when he decides he wants to. You love forward one step at a time, that's how you move forward in life as well. You know this my friend, it's time to be the brave, strong women you are.

PS remember your son is not a bad boy trying to get better he is a sick boy that needs help to get well. Read cardinals post from a couple of days ago.