Im so sorry for your pain over ur daughter. I believe that if your daughter is serious this time and gets help and 100% changes, that then she is NOT forever gone. I believe you can and will love her the same. She is still your child and so no matter what she has done, the bond and love between mother and child is absolutely like no other. I do not blame you for feeling that you can not wait for her to get out. It is not fair that you have to live this way and you should not have to. Those are all normal feelings. I hope for your sake but especially for your daughter's sake that she is going to make a new beginning. With God all things ARE possible.

I wish you peace xo

Hushpuppy, I can understand exactly where you are coming from, and as Tanya said they are all normal feelings. The ups and downs of being hopeful do leave us scared. Afraid to trust the addict and our own judgement of them. We want so much to believe, but have been let down so much, we put up a protective shield. I would like to think for you and all of us, that if they do get clean that time will heal all wounds. But, not to sure about the trust issues. For me I think it would always be in the back of my mind. My (a) is my x husband though so maybe there is a difference. For the longest time when he was coming around I would do as you said, hiding my purse etc. It is a terrible thing to have to hide things in your own home isn't it?? I believe that is what causes alot of the torment that we have. Our homes are our safe havens, and even that is taken away. I will pray for you and your daughter.

It is normal to be scared and suspicious when they come home, hiding the purse and everything else.
But it is not good for you to be timing the bathroom visits, checking her phone calls, text messages. When AH was in rehab and after we went to family counseling I told her about me checking up on AH. She said that was a bad habit to get into, and it can become a obsession, it puts alot of stress on you and its not letting addict handle his or her problems.
I know it will be a relief when shes in the sober living facility for you. Until then keep telling yourself this is out of my control, it is my daughters responsiblity to stay clean, My checking up on everything will do me no good or her. Yes you can still love your daughter. I still love my adult children but it is not the same type of love. We are close but more like freinds. I know its hard but keep telling yourself you have no control over her.

omg, I can relate so much. My son just came to me today and told me he wanted to quit drinking. This is the first time he has said it to me and has admitted to me some of the things he did we had a good cry and I told him I can't do this for him he has to do it for himself and that i would be there to support him through it but he has to be the one to do it. He is not a full blown alcoholic yet, he don't need it all day everyday but it is getting there. He uses alcohol to help him go to sleep thats his excuse but I do believe him he has never been the one that liked alcohol and he will go to his cousins house and not drink or just have a couple then when he gets home he drinks vodka to help him go to sleep cause he has insomnia. He has told me he was going to quit one other time before but never to the extent he did today. he cried we cried and I told him that I was going to talk to him about it and that if he didnt decide to quit I was done I could not go on worrying when he would not come in or how much he dranked. When he did go out with friends and drink he would not just drink a little he would drink till he could not remember anything but he did not do that often but that scared me when he did go out cuz I was afraid of him overdosing. It is so hard to go through this. I never thought in a million yrs I would go through this with my kids. I have talked with them from the time they were able to understand about alcohol cuz their dad is an alcoholic and they seen him the way he was when he was drunk. Yp till a yr ago my son would not even drink. He went through a divorce and turned to it to help him numb his feelings and he would pass out and not have to stay awake cause he told me the night time was when he would lay awake thinking about things. I really hope he is for real also. I hope he has the will power to want his life back. He is such an amazing young man and I know he can be again if just tried. I am the same way I hide my purse also and feel so bad doing that also, I just don't trust him cause he has lied to many times and would sneek around so I hope someday I can trust him again also. I am sorry your having to go through this. I understand about how you were relieved when your daughter was in jail. I would have been also just to be able to sleep at night knowing she was safe. My thoughts and prayers goes out to you and your family and to your daughter , many prayers for her to kick this addiction. Hugs

You are in my prayers both you and your daughter. I have a husband and as many times as they promise they want to stop and do for a very short time you can't help but feel scared. My husband has been using my entire marriage (and before that I did not know about). Infact I knew nothing about drugs until a couple years into our marriage and was devastated how much of an addict he really was. He has been clean maybe for a month here and there but goes back. SO this time I"m Scared just like you as he has been clean almost 60 days and got a key chain that says "Clean and Serene", and I'm proud of him but yet all those years of pain and him going back makes me scared too. I try to foucs on today but we can't help but on occassion remember what they did before and having our guard up is normal I think. My adivce I do is live for today, focus on today, and focus on GOD. I give my probelems and fears to him. He is our guide and light so please lean on HIM, and any support groups. Take care!

My son went away to rehab for seven months.I was so affraid when I knew he was comming home.I started attending narnon groups to get some advice on what to do when he comes home.I was surprized and relieved at the same time to here there was nothing for me to do.I didn't cause it and I can't cure it.Do nothing have faith let go and let God.I did not search my sons room anymore .I didn't question my son when he made his choise to see his friends whom still used .I just told him I trust you know what you are doing and what you need to do when you feel any triggers come your way.My son told all his friends that if you plan on spending time with me come without drugs on your person.My son maybe see's these friends onces in a blue moon now.He is 15 months clean and goes to N.A. meetings 4 times a week.My son will never be the same person he was before he used the drugs but a new much better person is comming out on the other side.The main thing is to trust no matter if she falls.She needs to know you believe she can do it .How can she believe in her self if her own mother can't.Love your daughter well!!!!!!!!