I feel your pain and I've often said. We live in one world and the addict lives in a parallel universe. They don't see things as you and I do and often times do not bond with anyone. Emotions and feelings don't register. For Some it is because they have serious mental and emotional problems. Generally a lot of anger. For others, it is their character.
We can only control ourselves and our actions.
Does it get better with time? Only when we learn new coping methods.
Stay strong, God Bless.

you are not naive. You are eternally hopeful that things will be better, different, you want your daughter back. I have walked in your shoes, many of us has, and it hurts like hell. My thoughts and support are with you.

I learned eventually to have no expectations, that way I would never be disappointed. I have always been the optimist, but I got to the point that with my addict, the optimism was gone, and the cold hard reality set in. Not a great place for us to be in, us who love people that are lost to addiction. While she is an active user, she is not the baby you knew, she is a a different person.

MSG is right, it only gets better when we learn new coping methods, even then we still endure, although it is a little more sane.

This is one of my biggest fears and I don't think there's much we can do other than be supportive and strong. As a mother of two young daughters I think every day about what will happen to them when they get older. Unfortunately, having an addict as their father won't make it easier for them. I've learned that the only thing we can do is show them as much love as possible, set boundaries and guidelines, and be the best possible role model. The rest is up to them and when they are adults they are not our responsibility anymore. We will always love them, but they need to learn from their mistakes as we have and no matter how many times we tell them what's best, they will only learn from personal experience.

Good luck and we are here for you.

Expectations with an addict who is not working on getting healthy usually do end up in disappointment. Sometimes our expectations are too high for them or not reasonable. I have to try to keep mine in check. Before I learned the 12 step program of Al-Anon, which is the 12 step program of others, I had crazy expectations of my ex and others, even who were not addicts. Now that I'm a little wiser, I have to keep this in check constantly. It's a day by day thing with my addict/depressed daughter, and alot of times a min by min thing. I have feelings of anger, guilt, love, why did this have to happen to my child who I love so much, daily. Just have hope, and keep the focus on you. Get into a meeting if you are not already.