Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

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Court Today - doing the right thing?

joenick1961
joenick1961
Well, after a few weeks being out of rehab and refusing to go to outpatient, my son when back to he psychiatrist (the one who previously put him on large amounts of Xanax and valium) and got another benzo prescription. He went to rehab for being addicted to benzos and alcohol, so prescribing a benzo, even a low dose, is ridiculous. My son is 26 and able to make his own decisions so I didn't have a say. Fast forward a week later, he is once again drinking and a raging lunatic. Last night he threatened to slam my husband's face in the concrete, robbed money from the money jar and demanded to borrow the car. When we said no, he kicked the passenger side door. He is getting more violent. Today my husband and I are going to housing court to have him evicted. I did not want to do this since he literally has no where to go, no money and I know will lose his job when he gets put out. I just cannot do it anymore. We have bent over backwards to try to help. I am done enabling him. He has overdosed in my house twice, had the cops here too many times to talk about and just wants to throw everything away. Part of me knows this is the right thing to do, but I just can't help feeling guilty that I know he won't be able to handle the street. He said if I do this, he will kill himself. I replied, you already are! Please lord give me the strength to get through this. Am I doing the right thing? Has anyone else gone this route, an if so,what was the outcome?
jkris
jkris
yes you are definatly our son is 37 now and whne we say we havew seen it all well he surprises us with a new one, think about getting a restaring order too we have had to in the past for your protection , right now I hope our son gets arrested so he is in jail and is safe, he can sleep here in the celaer tis warm ahs a wood stove and a bathroom , its below o out there , and he prefers to live in a car in the city
jainlor
jainlor
you are doing the right thing...stay strong.....
deehigs
deehigs
Hi joe nick if it feels wrong to you than it is probably right. Crazy isn't it ? With addiction it seems that we have to do complete opposite of what we would do if it wasn't an addiction issue. By the way with him getting continually more and more aggressive I really don't think you have a choice . I would also consider a restraining order to keep him away from your self and premises maybe when he has nowhere else to turn he will realize he needs help. I will be praying for you I know this is so hard. Dee
djruawake
djruawake
My daughter is in jail on drug charges. Please see my post "Wonder what's next" for my story. Just a little while ago, I watched the mail truck drive away with my letter telling her how much I love her and how I want her to get well. I also told her she could not come home if/when she gets out. My heart sank as I watched the mail truck drive away. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do and my heart is breaking right now.
I don't know what the outcome will be. I guess we'll both have to wait and see. I hope everything works out well for you. Please know you are not alone in this pain.
givenup107
givenup107
Joe I had to take out a restraining order. It said if he drinks or drugs around me he will be arrested. And he was first time round at rehab. I've kicked him out. Hardest thing I've ever done. I also made the older one go to a shelter. After lots of bed bug bites he put himself in rehab.

There's no manual on this stuff. Each kid is different. But you can keep being traumatized in your home.

I always worried too that his treats of suicide were real. Always walking on eggshells with or without them in our home. Living in fear sucks.
blueviolet725
blueviolet725
If someone else had done this to you, what would you have done??? At least the same thing...or more.
If he isn't doing it to you, he could do it to someone else...we have to protect ourselves and others from their insanity when they are using.
This may actually help him.
it sucks. it is so hard. you did the right thing.
joenick1961
joenick1961
I wa.nt to thank you all for your encouraging words, believe me, but they mean a lot right now. I feel terrible but deep in my heart I know this is what I can do. We have enabled him for someone to his disadvantage. I'm hoping that this remote make him want to change, but there are no guarantees that that is what he's going to do. I cannot keep things the way they are because I have to protect my family. I just can't help thinking when and how this all started. He went from an honor student, athlete, and just a wonderful person to this monster. I am beyond broken hearted.
pinkpony66
pinkpony66
He's on a path of self destruction. You can take a front row seat and keep him at the house and keep engaging or you can do what you're doing. Let him ride this on his own. If he loses his job that's on him. Either he will lose enough to want to put the work in to be sober or he will not.

Everybody deserves some peace and your certainly deserve some peace from his behaviors. I hope your doing this helps him reach his own breaking point.
patnard
patnard
Hi Joe, I had to have my daughter removed from my home because we got into a physical fight while she was high on benzo's. She spent some time in a phych hospital and then went to live in a sober house. She is 31 and has a 4 year old son who I share custody of with his father, we are on good terms (thank god).
She had it all a good job, a fiance, was pregnant and they bought a house. She went from pain med's to benzo's and lost it all. She came home to live with me and things got worse. That's when I had the police forcibly remove her.
She stayed in the sober house for 6 months and did really well so I let her come home. She went to see her physc doctor (who knew the whole situation) and he handed her a script of adivan, go figure. I had her removed again and filed charges against the doctor with the medical board. They are investigating the case now but I was told it could take some time.
I put up with her and enabled her for 10 years but no more, I' m done. You are doing the right thing for you. I hope it will give you some peace in your life. Good luck and God bless.
Pat.
joenick1961
joenick1961
I am really considering filing charges on the md for writing the scripts. My son also has liver disease due to years of opiates and alcohol and the md wrote a script for Depakote without doing bloodwork. It is dangerous to the liver and this week my son has been very sick from the medication. I am truly devastated that this is the road I am taking, but we have done everything imaginable to help. We have become obsessed with this disease. Thanks for the adivce.
givenup107
givenup107
Joe be strong. When I took extreme measures I told my son there's a warm bed at rehab.

Praying he wakes up and goes back. The doctor should be reported. These are the same sob's hooking our kids. Criminals
blueviolet725
blueviolet725
You are right when you say we become obsessed. I did. my husband did, my whole family did- probably why my daughter resented it so.

I found out I can do that over my husband's diabetes too. and he can cheat and not take care of himself and I had the same craziness visit me as when my son was using.

I would report the doctor AND write him a letter. He messed up big time. And your son should be advocating for himself.
As usual, we are swept away by the insanity of addiction.
dontstop
dontstop
my son has Crohn's disease and was hospitalized 25 times in one year. He didn't have insurance and so he had to wait until he was in a crisis and then went through the ER. They would admit him, put him on steroids and pain meds. He already abused and this made things worse. He just got out of detox and is trying to get into a live in treatment center. I had to put him out due to theft, pawning our stuff etc. He even slept in his car in my yard because I could not trust him in our home. We have to do what we have to do to protect ourselves. It's not easy and it's not what we want, but it is what we have to do. You have done the right thing. Don't second guess yourself.
joenick1961
joenick1961
I know this is what I have to do. Today I am hoping to have him served. He is going downhill fast! Flew into a drug rage over the weekend and last night was so stoned he could barely stand up. Only wants limited help and things his way! Unfortunaly no longer folllowing his rules! I hate to do it but I am hoping he will use this to turn himself around. If he doesn't, I know it is his choice not mine! He is an adult. I look at him and can't even believe this is my son. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think this could have ever happend. I started schooling my boys about the horrors of drugs from when they were very, very young after witnessing 2 cousins die from drugs. I have a sinking feeling, almost a mother's intuition, that my son is never going to come back from this. I know I should be hopeful and "NEVER GIVE UP", but my gut says otherwise. I am so scared.
dontstop
dontstop
I know how you feel about being scared. You are doing the right thing and it is measures like this that will make him wake up to the real world. As long as we cushion the fall, they will never feel the consequences of their actions. It is not what we want but it is what we have to do.