the process is extremly a step by step method,,, patience,, meditating,, praying, is sometimes a moment to moment thing for me,,,,, if only we could fix it in a day,,,,,, live for the moment,,,,, make the most of each day,,,, can't worry about tomorrow,, can't change yesterday,, you can only think about the present,,, worry does not change anything,,, it's like sitting in a rocking chair,,, it goes no where,,,,, it is what it is,,,, just have to deal with your reactions,,,,, I personnaly never was fond of counseling,, but I thrive on group meetings,, talking, talking,, and writing my feelings down,,,, I have a great recovery bibile,, I make myself feel great every day,, I wake up,,, it's all about the attiitude

Counseling takes time, its not a quick fix. I was the opposite I did not like meeting, too much of the same thing said over and over and people not moving forward. I've been to both, meetings and counseling, but counseling is what helped me a lot. It helped me see why people do things they do, why I did what I did and how to make changes. I stayed in counseling for 3 years and slowly I started to ask myself what do I want to do with my life and not dwell on the addict in my life. Sometimes you have to find a counselor that fits you, I am lucky I find the one I did. She is great. When dwelling on addict yell STOP to yourself or out loud this will put the brain on a different thought process. Sometimes you have to say it a lot, then one day you notice you are not saying it as often.

The fact that you are recognizing you are going round and round and round is a step in the right direction. This round and round and round sums up your entire life while dealing with an addict. The question is, how do I get off this merry go round and when do I start? You may have learned more then you were aware by seeing this counsellor. You ask how long it takes before the sessions work? The work is for you, the counselling provides direction and clarity. So how long will it take before it works? My thoughts are with you.

Oh fridge, I can relate. Can I ask how you were feeling after the counselling but before the debrief with your mum? I know that debriefs with my mum about my brother never seem to help me feel better, regardless of my state of mind beforehand.

Counselling took some time to help for me, although just being able to talk to someone about the whole thing felt good for me right from the start. It felt good just to get that stuff the hell out of me! It took some time to build the trust, but over time I started to see that I could trust this person and I could trust her advice and I could trust that she was guiding me towards healthier ways. That is really hard when you aren't used to trusting.

Are you finding it hard to focus on you during the appointments? At the start, I wanted my counsellor to tell me how to fix my brother. But that was unrealistic. I don't think she can even fix me. All she can do is help me to work on myself, help me become aware of my patterns and show me some healthier ways of dealing with things and people. And yeah, that can take time. There is a possibility that you have a crap counsellor but again, I think it is hard to tell at the start, all we can do is put our faith in someone and judge them as we go.

I also go to Al-anon meetings and they have also helped me heaps. And I also use Katrinka's "STOP" trick. I STOP the obsessing about my brother. I STOP the obsessing about all the crap associated with him. Keep trying to bring the focus back to you. What things do YOU like? What things make YOU happy? How can you help yourself to feel better? If thinking about the addict drives you crazy, what would you like to think about instead?

My thoughts are with you, and I hope you find something that helps you get through this. There is light at the end of the tunnel for us. Try to keep the focus on you and your healing, it is so important. Take care :)

Leaf, I expected the same thing from my therapist, ie to tell me how to be as to help my brother. When she asked me if I really think that that is my problem, aka my brother, I got upset. I wanted an easy way out. Nope, no such thing exists.

Therapy helped me tremendously... It takes time though. And that's not necessarily a bad thing.

Fridge, be patient and honest.. You'll see, things will get better!

I used to go for an entirely different reason....a failing relationship and I found myself walking out totally exhausted. It is hard work, and makes us FEEL MORE...but eventually the goal is to find balance. Rome wasn't built in a day. Sometimes it is good just to have someone to listen. And once- my councelor told me I was being very irratic in my behaviors...and her calling me on it made me see how crazy I had become. Made me look at things clearly and make some decisions.
good luck. You always have us!

i love my therapist and some sessions do leave me worse that when i walked in, some cause me to go home and start an argument with my husband .....BUT some leave me feeling good about myself and my progress. feeling validated about my feelings. feeling strong enough to make the changes i need to make to grow and change. it IS a step by step process and sometimes i step backwards! Today is a BAD day for me on many fronts, and before i started responding to this post i felt so defeated but talking to you reminded me so i thank you.

Yeah Pen, I remember being so frustrated and pretty devastated after that first appointment that yet another door was closed on my mission to 'fix' my brother, but at the same time, it was also such an amazing relief to finally have someone say, "What about you? I would like to focus on how you are dealing with this".

It still makes me a bit teary to think about it even now, just how touched I was to finally have someone say that they didn't want to focus on my brother but that they would really like to help me. She has been an absolute blessing.

Exact same thing here. Copy paste it and there you have it. I couldn't have said it better my self. I'm actually amazed. Copy-paste!

Dear fridge, what I have learned that whether it be a self help book, therapist, meeting, audio, video group you name it, at the end of the day it is up to us. There are different times in your life will one day something my not click and then a week, hour or months later it clicks and it's like an epihany! It is certain,y a process, and each day you learn more nd more and that knowledge is power and gives you the strength to move forward instead round nd round. My heart feels for you because it wasn't until recently that I was be to get off the merry go round and it was because I took control. Your in my prayers