Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
Son, 17, is court ordered to get an assessment at a 90 day residential treatment center soon. He's been continously testing negative and although he's not following simple house rules: coming home after school or for dinner, doesn't do homework or go to school consistently and on time, he doesn't behave like he did when we knew for sure when he was using. If he does get mad and loses his temper, he apologizes soon after. He never, ever appears stoned or drunk and seems very normal every time he walks through the door. He is so much more communitive and polite - so I am confused. Is he or isn't he? Is he "just" doing a "little" that could later progress? Is he really clean and just is a "dry drunk"- falling into easy way out bad behaviors or what?
Oh....did I mention that he minimizes his less than acceptable behaviors and excuses for them? He's smart and extremely good at manipulating. His support team tells me that because he's smart he's more difficult to reason with. He has all of the answers, doesn't listen, and then seems surprised when the hammer is lowered.
Having said all of that - I have no problem with the team sending him (if his assessment says he needs it) but it is still very difficult sending him for 90 days - if he's not using. I also know it's more than about not using -- but it's my husband I really need to convince, especially. He put up a fight the last time the group decided he needed treatment. It isn't like we need to give them permission, anyway. I was the bad guy in the eyes of my son and husband, by reporting on my son's negative behaviors. Husband has improved on some of that, however.
Yes - I said it was court ordered but it seems these days the threat of a correctional facility doesn't scare our son. I say that because his PO has threatened about sending him before and my son kmows the PO can't do anything or isn't serious about the threat. I feel the PO's pain. I am told other kids respond to the "threat" but my son is too big for his britches and could be in for some kind of rude awakening. Or maybe not?
Thoughts?
Oh....did I mention that he minimizes his less than acceptable behaviors and excuses for them? He's smart and extremely good at manipulating. His support team tells me that because he's smart he's more difficult to reason with. He has all of the answers, doesn't listen, and then seems surprised when the hammer is lowered.
Having said all of that - I have no problem with the team sending him (if his assessment says he needs it) but it is still very difficult sending him for 90 days - if he's not using. I also know it's more than about not using -- but it's my husband I really need to convince, especially. He put up a fight the last time the group decided he needed treatment. It isn't like we need to give them permission, anyway. I was the bad guy in the eyes of my son and husband, by reporting on my son's negative behaviors. Husband has improved on some of that, however.
Yes - I said it was court ordered but it seems these days the threat of a correctional facility doesn't scare our son. I say that because his PO has threatened about sending him before and my son kmows the PO can't do anything or isn't serious about the threat. I feel the PO's pain. I am told other kids respond to the "threat" but my son is too big for his britches and could be in for some kind of rude awakening. Or maybe not?
Thoughts?
But at 17 he's got to choose his own path in life. You can try to guide him. But will he follow?
Peace to you.
Joe
coping skills, communication style an taking accountability. Even if he is testing negative, he is exhibiting behaviors which his team feels are signs. Any of these behaviors could be his trigger. I agree with Joe... let him take the path he has chosen - it is his journey.
Good Luck, God Bless.
Decided I am going to let things play out. The assessment will tell something and I will see what they decide.
One person did tell me to fight with all of my might to prevent the courts from sending him to rehab if he's not using anymore. She used to be a counselor and worked with kids who shouldn't have been there. She claims they came out worse. She said that they should have been seeing a psychologist not going to a behavior modification/drug treatment center.
So.......I will wait and see how the assessment comes out.
Thanks!
Thanks all.