See I would have been very happy to have got something, a call or an e-mail from my daughter but I got nothing. The grass is always greener Lol.
It definitly leaves an empty hole inside. I think this is worse then death because with death you know it is over and you grieve and get past it with time. With drugs it is always there haunting you or them. Till they decided what they are going to do for themselves. At least I feel that way. No disrespect to anyone who has lost someone.

I think you get better with time Hushpuppy, I have days I am very sad and days I am angry and days I just breeze by. I try not to make her my project anymore. Like you I have enough trouble trying to keep myself afloat now.
I don't think you were an idiot to buy a gift and stocking. You love her, your hoping she will show up and she didn't. If she had she would have loved it. We just have to love from afar and pray one day they will see the light.
Meanwhile you just have push forward sometimes and look out for yourself because they aren't. One day at a time and a little sunshine peeks in sometimes. It isn't easy for anyone, but we have to try and keep out spirits up and believe one day things will be ok and we have our babies back!
Your not jaded and don't become cynical, just come here and get your gut feelings out, it helps. Do you go to any meetings like Naranon? They help also or whatever is close by you. I look forward to a day that I wake up and don't feel stressed out before I even get up!! Hang in there, I know how you feel. Stay strong!

I don't know what to say.
Stop beating yourself up. You are a mother.
As you walk the journey through life as an addict's mother - your perspective changes.
You learn what YOU can tolerate and what you can't.
I know it is easier said.. but try as best you can to remember - "her journey is her journey."
It is one she chose. Don't let it take you down.
hugs

Some of us see the glass as half full and some as half empty. I see the glass as half full there is always something to be thankful for. She texted you with some meaningful words.
Shes a addict this is out of your control and probley hers at the moment. You brought her a present great give it to her when you do see her. Sure your disappointed she let you down except you expected too much from the addict. I think you take her behavior too personal she is in addict mode its not anything you can do about that. Except still love her from afar at times.
Learning to accept what you can and cannot change takes time and sometimes we need reminders.
Hugs

So hard...if children do not show up, it is painful. If they do, more often or not, it is the topic of a thread of how painful the hoilday became. I think so often the wish is that for even one day, just Christmas, the child, not the addict, will show up. There will be a good day, and a good memory will be made, and maybe that will somehow start a new path.

The addict will show up, find what they can take, spread some guilt, and ruin the day.

Stop blaming yourself. Stop giving he addict your days when she is not even there. Take that power back. Take care of yourself and the rest of your family. You are giving your heart to someone who cannot, and will not accept your love at this time, it runs counter to remaining an addict and she is not ready to change.

Try not to let your children who are with you, who are doing the right thing, feel that the one who is not doing the right thing is getting all of the attention, even in absence.

You did not choose this life for your child, and you cannot choose her out of it. You ca ntake care of yourself, and the rest of your family. You can feel joy, you are not foresaking your daughter ever. When she is ready, you will be there. Until she is, learn to heal yourself and the rest of the people she has affected. Just as we tell addicts they have a choice, we have one also. Choose to live well. Nothin about addiction is easy, and none of it is "fair." But surely, you and your family have not done anything to live the pain of addiction. Please don't.

I know how you feel. Somedays are better than others.
It seems to be getting easier for me.
It's kinda like a death in the family. It just takes time a long time.
Joe

It does take time to develop a callus. Try to train yoourself not to think about her. Each time she comes up in your thoughts, DO SOMETHING ELSE. I agree that, for now, you should just be grateful that you know you crossed her mind at all. Of course you are depressed about her... you are her mother. BUT, you really need some counseling and/or meetings to learn how to take your life back and get joy from what you DO have, rather than misery from what you do NOT.

You know, you may never stop worrying. It is natural. But it should not be consuming. That is what you have to work towards. You can stop and ask for help for all those that are sufering today once, twice, as many times as you like. But just be clear, your daughter is among the addicts that you are asking help for, and then move on. You can worry yourself sick, but you cannot worry her well. You are in so much pain, and she is causing it, and every day, all day, she is medicated, and that is how she deals with her pain. Doesn't seem right, huh? Show your other children that it is the positive, not the negative, that gets the attention and love. If anyone should feel the effects of this their whole life, if anyone should become anything because of this addiction, it is the addict. Please give her all that she has caused, it is her mess. Do not become addicted to her addiction. Do not let her take away the joy you can have. It's like when you have a picnic planned, and they say it might rain. Whether you worry or not isn't much going to change if it rains. The minute you hear it might rain, throw a huge umbrella in the car, and then go about your business. You have done all you can.

Counseling and or Alanon would be things to maybe think about. If you do not get a handle on this, you may lose your daughter again. When people choose to get sober, they need to leave behind the things which were involved in their addiction whenever possible. If at first you have a hard time doing this for yourself, do it for your daughter. But please, start stepping away from this.

I hear you with my heart........I, too, am the mother of an addict. There are so many things in these replies that helped me. "You learn what YOU can tolerate." "Her journey is her journey." "I think you take her behavior too personal." "If the child doesn't show up, it is painful. If the child (the addict) does show up, it is painful. They will show up, spread some guilt, find what they can take, and ruin the day." Yet we keep hoping that the child, not the addict, will show up and because it's Christmas, we'll have one wonderful day before we go back to the pain of being the parent of an addict. "You can worry yourself sick, but you cannot worry them well." And I loved the analogy of the picnic. If we hear of rain, most of us would sit down and cry all over the sandwiches and ruin the day. Someone here said to throw a big umbrella in the car and go anyway! That is beautiful. I read somewhere: Does it hurt you? Don't do it!! Hang in there.......I'm trying to pay attention to all of this that people contributed. It is so helpful. Thank you to each of you.