Oh honey I'm so sorry this is your reality. Protect those babies. Sounds like you bring a lot to the table and he does not......may you find strength in all your chaos.

My thought is that he will not be a good father for the child. As long as he is an active addict, he will not be able to care and give to the child what they need. They don't know how to think about somebody elses needs or be able to sacrifice time and energy for them. Mentally and emotionally, he probably thinks like a child anyways, due to all the damage he has done to his brain. Mine has been drinking for about as long, and he acts like a 10 year old most of the time. He can barely take care of himself, let alone anyone else. Luckily my boys are older, but I still wouldn't give him any kind of custody until he was able to probe he had been sober for a good long period of time.

I'm so sorry. I'm with the other ladies protect those babies. Stay strong!

That is what my gut says. I am praying my heart catches up quickly. I am working on keeping my eyes focused on logic...and take feelings out of the situation.

Our kids, my business...if he screws up again...my whole world is on the line.

Thank you all for the pep-talk. It's easier to listen to people whom have been in my same shoes.

It's not easy to raise a child with an alcoholic father. You basically end up being a single mother, which is hard enough, and then need to deal with the added stress of an alcoholic who brings nothing to the table. You can't ever depend on an alcoholic father. I wouldn't let my AH drive the kids ever, so he couldn't pick the kids up or help out in any manner.

If he's not working, and you're paying all the bills, if he's not around your expenses will be less. One of the unexpected benefits without mine around (I divorced him recently) is less laundry. It's not major, but instead of having to do it weekly I now only have to do laundry every other week. That's a few more hours each week for me!

It's so hard raising kids with an alcoholic in the house. My husband started drinking heavily a few years ago and it's been a roller coaster ride for me and my kids. Not the kind that is exciting and thrilling, but the kind that violently turns at the blink of an eye, lifts you up slowly and then drops you with no warning and the drop is so hard you vomit as you feel your stomach leave your body. If I had a choice prior to my kids being born, I would never have put them in this situation. I feel immense guilt over the verbal and emotional abuse they've witnessed me suffer. They are teenagers and I'm praying they get in colleges far from home so they can escape this madness. Listen to your gut. It's usually right. If he's not willing to get help and make a change before the baby arrives, he probably won't do it afterwards. Your emotional stability is very important while you're pregnant. If you're stressed your baby can feel that. Do what's best for you and your children. You don't want to be in the situation where you're responsible for him as well as two kids.

You can raise children with an alcoholic father, but I was the child of an alcoholic father and mother who was codependent. I don't advise it. My life has been chaotic and it's hard not to pass down dysfunction to your children. I've also been through years and years of individual and group therapy along with reading self help books. Run and get yourself support through Al-Anon and read every self-help book you can about codependency to break the cycle.

They won't change. Over the years my husband has "quit" drinking but it never lasts. I have two teenagers but feel like I'm raising three kids. My kids hate him and he blames me, his family alienates him and he blames me. I wish I never put my kids in this situation. I hate him but there's no way to do it on my own financially...yet. I am saving up for it and someday I will have peace.

I appreciate it...

I can't believe how much I need the pep talks. It hurts to know how much it's going to break my daughter's heart.

I forgave him dozens of times...for the verbal abuse...for never paying a bill...and every time he quit drinking. I don't even think we love each other anymore.

He can't look me in the eyes and I'm just angry.

We are moving about 30 miles away and the buffer will help.

He's never going to turn it around: he's almost 35 and doesn't have a bank account. He lives in his car. He is behind on every bill and knocks on my door for gas money.

It crushes me, too, if I'm honest. My ex before him was abusive and I thought I'd grown and found the one: clearly I have growth to do before I let anyone in my children's lives. He was my first serious relationship after leaving my ex from 4 years ago...and I need to commit to myself for my children's sake. I don't want to raise daughters that let men treat them this way.


So foolish. I feel foolish. I have a graduate degree. I own a business. I volunteer. I don't feel like I have low self esteem but clearly I do because I continuously settle.