My husband ( although has short periods of sobriety, followed by a day or two of drinking) also suffers from depression and anxiety.
He does the SAME thing. Slightly shady, childish behavior, temper tantrums, defensive at the most mundane comments. I don't know what that's all about, but sure is annoying!!!!! I am trying to learn how not to care.
He is in talk therapy, some improvement. I just figure I will let the therapist handle it.
Peace to you.

my husband has high blood pressure, had some strokes and has diabetes now. He has moments where he doesn't make sense about stuff...or gets angry too easily. He does not lie. But once he went to do something so stupid I thought it would cut his hand off...and he didn't even seem to notice...and wondered why I was yelling my head off at him...
perhaps a medical check up is in order? Just to rule out the "good news"that there is something not drug related to cause it? Perhaps he has damaged himself to the point of his brain chemicals being out of balance? Is it getting worse? is he in a support group or working with a councelor?
what do you think is going on?

Thanks for your comments. I really hate this :( I'm keeping a diary of his behavior for future reference for me to monitor if things are getting better or worse.

With my addict,,, yep deffinet personality change,, from before using,, drugs cover or numb the areas of compassion, love, they become very self center type of people,,I believe this is not how they want to be,,, but that is where addiction becomes a disease of the mind body and soul,,,that's why learning everything you can about drug addiction,,, I was able to define the exact moment when my addict was relasping,, which they do,,, before they actually use,,, just by her behavior patterns,,,, but we are unable to control that,,, that's the point or free will if the addict "chooses" to use,, or get help,,, personally this last relaspse with my addict,,, I was right on top,,,, only takes secs,, for the drug to win,, never give up,,, fight this battle ,, your battle,,, we can't fight theirs until they ask us to be commanders in their war,,,,
Writing down everything is a great idea,, it gives you a sense of relief as well as a reminder of many things we tend to block out

Hugs

self-centered - that's exactly how he acts, which was not his personality several years ago. In fact, he was always the most generous, gentle person I know. I still see that person show up once in awhile, but it's hard to be around let along married to a person I don't even like sometimes. Do you think it's possible he'll ever be the way he was, or do these personality traits that are developed during drug use (in his case, three or four years) stay with them even when they are no longer using? I know I'm reaching here, but I feel really helpless and sometimes hopeless. Thanks for all your kind comments.

Kim,,, unfortunately your question of " will he ever be like he use to?", is deffinetly the million dollar answer,,, that if only we could answer,,, as far as telling you to stay or go in your relationship is something only you can decide,, in my experience,, my addict happens to be my daughter (24& herion addict) therefore leaving that relationship has never been the solution,,, when they go through the steps of recovering they have a lot of shame and guilt they have to deal with, and you think they would over compensate in the area of compassion and loving us even more,,, stopping the use of drugs,, does not just stop the addiction,,, what you need to do is learn to detach,, love the person,, hate the addiction,,, try not to stay focus on the problem areas, find solutions that you can cope with,,, like for instance;,, I've learned not to expect certain things this way I'm not let down when the expectation never happens,,, it is what it is, is my common thinking when thoughts of my addict crosses my mind,, I've protected my heart and soul,, I've released her to my higher power, and will never ever again become totally consumed of the what if,,
I have not heard from my addict in 6 weeks,, and raising her six year old,,, talk about self-center,,, before I would be sick, miserable in a state of depression,,, today,, I'm not the one loosing out,, nor have I changed my number or address,, so I will continue to wait for get return,, but this time in a state of happiness and peace,,,and you bet I will welcome her with open arms,,, is she using,,, I want to think she is recovering,,, and course she will never be the daughter I raised ,, but I will always be a proud mother ,, that happens to have a daughter that has an addiction,,,,

I'm sure you have read my favorite saying,,,,

It's not about the storm ( don't dwell on the problem ) but the ability to dance in the rain( focus on the joy that surrounds you)

We never know what tomorriw brings, and what happen yesterday can not be changed,, but for today live like its your last day
Only you can decide what is going to make you happy, sad, mad or glad !

Peace

Hi-

My current girlfriend is 10 years sober. I've only known her a few months, but she wound up living with me a few weeks ago because the situation she was in was not good for her. About two weeks ago, she completely raged at me, cussed, yelled, and called me names. This has happend twice more within the last week..When I told my friends, they all said "I have only seen that before from someone who is on drugs or drunk." I had to call a crisis hotline and the police one night, and the first thing they asked me is if she was on drugs or alcohol. But I am 100% sure she was not on anything.

I am not sure if there is an explanation, but I have heard the same from people who are with sober addicts, even when they have many years of sobriety. Perhaps the drugs caused an inbalance within the brain, that is now permanent even once the drugs are out of the system. Or, perhaps the reason the person turned to drugs in the first place is still there. Most addicts seem to "self medicate" for some kind of issue that they feel is out of control. My girlfriend has some kind of mental illness and PTSD as a result of childhood abuse. And even though she is no longer using, she still needs treatment for that illness.

I assume your husband is seeing a therapist or psychaitrist if he is taking medication My guess is that he has some issue that is deeper than simple depression or anxiety that may require other kinds of behavior therapy.

Take care.

To many years using drugs can damage the brain and make a person be not the same anymore. Some will be quicker to yell or snap, but then most people do change over a period of time. I know I am not the same person I was 30 years ago, heck I am not the same person I was 2 years ago. All you can do is take care of yourself and you cannot make him wear the helmet....only he can do that. Keep in mind should something happen to him you will receive SS, maybe that will ease your mind a little.

Something recently came up in a conversation I was having with my son ( recovering addict) He said that the worse time in his life was when he was clean for a short time ( 4 months) and he knew he couldn't use, he said he was so miserable only because he didn't wasn't ready mentally or physically to quit. that was profound and a eye opener for me. Your husband is an addict and always will be so even when they seem "well" they will have their bouts with the demon. Sometimes we forget that not everyday is going to be a good days, it's when the days turn into weeks, and weeks turn into month, that it should give us cause to pause and question what it can be. I also believe a Dr's visit in order to rule out all that you discussed. The lying well my first question would be why? good luck.