Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
Hello my friends. As many of you know my sister in law passed a little over two months ago. During her illness it was clear her husband was not going to be able to handle her cancer.
My husband and I took care of everything, while she was sick, running her to every top Cancer Hospital in NYC, cooking, caring for kids etc., ( we would do it again) Near the end we made her a promise to take care of her children. My brother in law is now drinking non-stop, not working, and truly spiraling out of control. His mom called me and wanted to do an intervention, I said we need to have a consequence, and basically if he didn't go to detox, rehab, AA, that my husband and I would intervene and make sure we honored her promised. His family who are very aware of his drinking but are enablers ( been there) ( a wonderful family truly) basically said well they wanted to give him time. I said that is fine, but me and my husband will not allow my 13 year old niece and 19 year old at college to be around this, period.
We also shared with them, that my brother in law asked my husband to sign over power of attorney so his name could be put on the house.
( Which due to financial reason his name is not on it, don't know truth and honestly don't care) We told his family and my brother in law until he gets sober we are signing nothing. ( his family concurred) He's not working so clearly the mortgage is not getting paid, and he can't even sell it ( we can if need be) so we want to make sure our nieces A) are taken care of educationally and mentally and B) we are executors of the will.
I have been very honest with my brother in law, and let him know that we will not tolerate this, if he wants help we will support him and if he doesn't want to get help then that is his choice, but we will honor my sister in laws wishes. Any other thoughts? or if you would handle this any differentently? Thank you
My husband and I took care of everything, while she was sick, running her to every top Cancer Hospital in NYC, cooking, caring for kids etc., ( we would do it again) Near the end we made her a promise to take care of her children. My brother in law is now drinking non-stop, not working, and truly spiraling out of control. His mom called me and wanted to do an intervention, I said we need to have a consequence, and basically if he didn't go to detox, rehab, AA, that my husband and I would intervene and make sure we honored her promised. His family who are very aware of his drinking but are enablers ( been there) ( a wonderful family truly) basically said well they wanted to give him time. I said that is fine, but me and my husband will not allow my 13 year old niece and 19 year old at college to be around this, period.
We also shared with them, that my brother in law asked my husband to sign over power of attorney so his name could be put on the house.
( Which due to financial reason his name is not on it, don't know truth and honestly don't care) We told his family and my brother in law until he gets sober we are signing nothing. ( his family concurred) He's not working so clearly the mortgage is not getting paid, and he can't even sell it ( we can if need be) so we want to make sure our nieces A) are taken care of educationally and mentally and B) we are executors of the will.
I have been very honest with my brother in law, and let him know that we will not tolerate this, if he wants help we will support him and if he doesn't want to get help then that is his choice, but we will honor my sister in laws wishes. Any other thoughts? or if you would handle this any differentently? Thank you
Poor kids.
I can't even think about the signing for the house and stuff...if he is truely depressed, can't he be committed to a hospital and detox? I guess he is not willing. If he threatens anything, call 911...get him in the system. what a mess.
We all know that filling the void with substance is not the answer, and the harm addiction does,, but perhaps before the intervention,, getting him grieve counseling,,, is what he needs,, before the intervention even work,, the alchol is numbing his feeling of emptiness,, it's feeling the void if loneliness ,, we know it's not the right way to cope with life,, but I think if you all attack him about his using,, it's going to be a negative,,,
The girls do need to be taken care of,, especially that little one,, because she is at a very fragil state right now.,, she not lost and mom,, but her dad is not capable to give her the support she needs,,
I'm praying for you guys,,cause it's not easy watching someone crumble and drink their sorrows away,,
We know,, that we can bring the intervention to them,, but we can't make them stop,,,
Love ya sister
you know the drill...if he won't get help, you can't make him.
Oh, so sad.