Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
My husband is an unrealized alcoholic. Meaning he doesn't realize it but the rest of the world does.
I have known for a while now and throw serious soul searching and discussion with others I set my own boundaries for him. I didn't discuss with him because he doesn't think it is a problem with drinking. I just set those boundaries in place and when he crosses them I put into action things that protect my mental health.
It isn't a physical thing but the emotional toll of his drinking that ruins my mental health. He had at one time gotten violent and physical with me but that was years ago but at that point when I know it is going to be a rough night I put those boundaries in place.
This question isn't about me though its more about him and his relationships with other people. He had this friend that he has never met face to face before but they have played online games together for the last 3 years or so. In the last 6 or 8 months his drinking has become more frequent and while he hasn't taken his anger out on me he has on these online friends while they were talking on Skype. It has been a roller coaster of a ride with them and I have heard everything from his point of view, knowing in the back of my mind what probably really happened.
So this morning he lets me read what his friend told him. And basically it said that he couldn't be friends with him any more because he has a problem with drinking and because of the lies he can't be around that and watch him destroy his life.
His friend set boundaries, I recognized this right off and it only solidified what my thoughts were. So my husband asked my opinion on it. I don't do very well with lying. So I told him what I thought.
Yeah that went over like a lead balloon. He started accusing me of judging him just like everybody else does..and of course start talking in circles which is his MO. Then on my way to work this morning he called and started in with me about it again. And then proceeds to tell me that because I am his wife that I can judge him? I didn't argue with him I just said mmm a lot. Of course he is mad at me because I am not taking up for him and supporting his side completely. What he doesn't understand is if we were face to face I would totally support him and be on his side but privately no I am going to tell him how I really feel.
I don't know if I even did the right thing in telling him how I felt about what his friend said. I don't even know I am telling him anything right?
Just could use some insight from anybody who has more experience than I do.
THanks!
I have known for a while now and throw serious soul searching and discussion with others I set my own boundaries for him. I didn't discuss with him because he doesn't think it is a problem with drinking. I just set those boundaries in place and when he crosses them I put into action things that protect my mental health.
It isn't a physical thing but the emotional toll of his drinking that ruins my mental health. He had at one time gotten violent and physical with me but that was years ago but at that point when I know it is going to be a rough night I put those boundaries in place.
This question isn't about me though its more about him and his relationships with other people. He had this friend that he has never met face to face before but they have played online games together for the last 3 years or so. In the last 6 or 8 months his drinking has become more frequent and while he hasn't taken his anger out on me he has on these online friends while they were talking on Skype. It has been a roller coaster of a ride with them and I have heard everything from his point of view, knowing in the back of my mind what probably really happened.
So this morning he lets me read what his friend told him. And basically it said that he couldn't be friends with him any more because he has a problem with drinking and because of the lies he can't be around that and watch him destroy his life.
His friend set boundaries, I recognized this right off and it only solidified what my thoughts were. So my husband asked my opinion on it. I don't do very well with lying. So I told him what I thought.
Yeah that went over like a lead balloon. He started accusing me of judging him just like everybody else does..and of course start talking in circles which is his MO. Then on my way to work this morning he called and started in with me about it again. And then proceeds to tell me that because I am his wife that I can judge him? I didn't argue with him I just said mmm a lot. Of course he is mad at me because I am not taking up for him and supporting his side completely. What he doesn't understand is if we were face to face I would totally support him and be on his side but privately no I am going to tell him how I really feel.
I don't know if I even did the right thing in telling him how I felt about what his friend said. I don't even know I am telling him anything right?
Just could use some insight from anybody who has more experience than I do.
THanks!
Sometimes we can agree to disagree. I did that lots of times to keep from getting in an argument.
I agree with bhamguy, don't get drawn into arguments, walk away.