Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
Meetings, no meetings, programs, no programs...whatever...the person has to WANT to change. We can debate all we want, but every person has to find something that works for them. As my kids' pediatrician used to tell me (who was himself in AA) that you do not get and stay clean and sober until you are willing to deal with the "demons from your past". It appears that almost everyone had a reason why they started using and/or drinking. And somewhere down the line it became a problem. Take away the drugs and/or booze and you are still left with the problem. If you deal with the underlying problem you stand a better chance. My 1st husband had 8 years sober but never dealt with his "demons", so he remained a self-centered jerk. My 2nd husband got clean and sober at one time and it lasted 5 years. But then we moved back to our hometown and he started spending time with his mother and his old neighborhood and he relapsed...big time. He tried rehabs and did well until he was asked to talk about his past and the things that were keeping him "stuck". He says he wants to get clean...but he finds women who support his addiction. Who say it's o.k. if he's drunk as long as he's not smoking crack and give him excuses when he beats them up. His daughters smoke weed around him and wonder why he's not clean. And lastly, between women, he lives in a crack hotel. Not conducive to sobriety. You can talk all you want...but look at their actions.
I also was married to a alcoholic 17 yrs and a crack addict 11 plus yrs who later move on to meth, He's clean at this moment but has many times of not using.
Sure they have demons in their closets and until they get help... but wait how are they to pay for rehabs, counseling it is very expensive. My addict ex can't not afford counseling or a better type rehab so went to a counseling type service where one woman counsels hundreds. You can't counsel that many and do a great job. She was always cancelling appointments and they wonder why the person is back using.
When ex was at Salvation Army it was so sad to see people on the streets talking crazy since almost half of all addicts have mental problems they need professional help, not told god will help you as long as you believe. At the Salvation Army a professional psycology husband and wife team did counsel the men but they quit when the captain wouldn't let these men get the type of counseling help they needed along with having their faith. This husband and wife team had a big faith in god but they knew some of these men needed more.
There are so many factors for addicts and its sad but we are long way from finding ways to help these men and woman. We keep using bandaids. And then there are some who don't want to get clean they want to get high and stay high. There are alot who don't mind living on the street. I guess it comes down to that their choice.
Another big problem, until you are clean, you can't really assess a "mental" problem. That has been another "bandaid"...say they are bi-polar or have another mental illness...give him a pill and that's it. I've seen a lot of addicts who talk crazy....but get them clean and you'd be amazed. I know a gentleman back where I come from who has several doctorate degrees, but he choses to live on the street and do drugs. Not a mental case, but to see him now...you'd wonder.
It is definitely a way of life. My second husband knew no other life. His dad was alcoholic and his mother abusive. He met me along the way and remembered what a kind and loving person I was. He also knew I worked a good program and did not take crap from addicts or alcoholics. So, when he got clean...we ended up together. Of course, he relapsed....but that's why I'm 2,000 miles away from him.
There are success stories everywhere you look.....in programs...outside of programs. And yes....I truly believe everyone makes their own choice. To get help or not to.
I know he has mental issues and he could of used some help but we couldn't afford it. Spending thousands on rehabs gets costly.
You are right though, it can be done. I quit drinking years ago and I had to change my entire life. And a lot of people are not willing to do that. You have to put yourself first and be willing to do whatever it takes to get and stay clean.