Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
I do not know what else to say
My partner and I have had this friend for over 5.5 years. This individual tended to be a very shy person with zero self-esteem.
We had always tried to get to the route of the issue. We have tried talking to him, being there for him, phone calls, emails etc.
We always were there for him when he needed a shoulder to cry on.
However, he had always been a regular marijana user and have accepted that.
About 2.5 years ago, things started to change.
He no longer cared who was in his life, who were the bad influences, and literally, had no self respect.
He started to hang with his old friends who pretty much do nothing for him except enable him to do more drugs.
Hardcore drugs started to appear in the picture. The way my partner and I started to feel were: Inadequate, belitted, and not good enough.
These old "friends" would start to take top priority.
I was at a party at his house once and blacked out during the party. I woke up to find someone trying to rape me while my friend was asleep.
I called the police and dealth with that issue right away - but it seems that he totally lacks judgement with anyone!!
To make a long story short, the past year, we had him over at our place a number of 6 times.
5 out of the six times, the following went missing
3 packs of cigarrettes
30 dollars in cash
my partners promise ring from me
my grandfathers amethest gold ring
What put the icing on the cake was the fact that I had my 30th surprise party and he spoiled it for me.
I had to "pretend" that it was a suprise.
Much to our dismay, before we arrived at our place where everyone was waiting, we find out later that he had been cutting up drugs on our kitchen counter!!!
We felt totally disrespected.
I also found out that again, cigarettes and money went missing!
We had sent him an email basiccally telling him how we felt about being disrespected. He wrote back making "us" the problem and not him, literally telling us to f**** ourselves.
It has been a few months now and I am still feeling very angry and resentful.
In my life, I have always let the ones who bring me down back in and I end up selling myself short.
This time, I have been very strong minded - but I am finding that the anger is still waying on my mind and I do not know what to do!!
Should I let it go or confront him if it will do any good?
It sounds to me that it is more of the drugs than him. We have done everything we can to help! I am tired of feelilng like the victim!
Any help would be great! We feel completley betrayed.
My partner and I have had this friend for over 5.5 years. This individual tended to be a very shy person with zero self-esteem.
We had always tried to get to the route of the issue. We have tried talking to him, being there for him, phone calls, emails etc.
We always were there for him when he needed a shoulder to cry on.
However, he had always been a regular marijana user and have accepted that.
About 2.5 years ago, things started to change.
He no longer cared who was in his life, who were the bad influences, and literally, had no self respect.
He started to hang with his old friends who pretty much do nothing for him except enable him to do more drugs.
Hardcore drugs started to appear in the picture. The way my partner and I started to feel were: Inadequate, belitted, and not good enough.
These old "friends" would start to take top priority.
I was at a party at his house once and blacked out during the party. I woke up to find someone trying to rape me while my friend was asleep.
I called the police and dealth with that issue right away - but it seems that he totally lacks judgement with anyone!!
To make a long story short, the past year, we had him over at our place a number of 6 times.
5 out of the six times, the following went missing
3 packs of cigarrettes
30 dollars in cash
my partners promise ring from me
my grandfathers amethest gold ring
What put the icing on the cake was the fact that I had my 30th surprise party and he spoiled it for me.
I had to "pretend" that it was a suprise.
Much to our dismay, before we arrived at our place where everyone was waiting, we find out later that he had been cutting up drugs on our kitchen counter!!!
We felt totally disrespected.
I also found out that again, cigarettes and money went missing!
We had sent him an email basiccally telling him how we felt about being disrespected. He wrote back making "us" the problem and not him, literally telling us to f**** ourselves.
It has been a few months now and I am still feeling very angry and resentful.
In my life, I have always let the ones who bring me down back in and I end up selling myself short.
This time, I have been very strong minded - but I am finding that the anger is still waying on my mind and I do not know what to do!!
Should I let it go or confront him if it will do any good?
It sounds to me that it is more of the drugs than him. We have done everything we can to help! I am tired of feelilng like the victim!
Any help would be great! We feel completley betrayed.
Why would you want this person in your life? You know that this behavior will just continue. This person is not trustworthy, even if it is caused by drugs.
I think my main concern now is just bumping into him - and we still share a few mutual friends.
The second concern is that fact that I haven't really flat out told him about the stealing concern to his face.
I can understand when Kristines mom says that this person is not your spouse, child or parent. That is fair enough, but I think a lot of people fail to realize is that a strong friendship can feel like a divorce even though it is platonic.
The other thing you can do is this: sit down and explain to him that you have to change your life for the better, and one thing is that no drugs will be allowed in you house ever again. Tell him you are thinking of what it would do to your children if you were arrested and taken away. Then explain to him that because of his past behavior, you can not welcome him there now, but that you love him and want what is best for him, too, and if things keep going the way they are, it will completely destroy your friendship. Tell him that it's killing you to see him killing himself, because truly when you use drugs like you are describing, you are killing yourself. Period. No way around that.
Then I would tell him that when he's past his drug use, you want him back in your life. That way you don't need to grieve the loss of the friendship, but rather the hiatus. Finally, ask him if he wants you to help him get help. I don't see what you offer him in his life except a place to do drugs when he thinks no one is looking, or a place to steal drugs without the police being called, or (and this is most likely) a place he wishes he could be in. Please protect your family first.
As for confronting him about the stealing, I doubt if you have any evidence with which you can pin on him. If you ask him if he's been using, he'll lie. So don't put him in the position of having to lie. You know what's going on. Just tell him goodby, get away and mourn. Who knows, in five years, the guy might turn his life around and you may really want to be a part of it. But if you don't think so, say goodbye, get out, and go grieve.