Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
My son spent Christmas in rehab for opiates two years ago. I was looking forward to his reaching the 2 year sobriety milestone, when he told me in early December that he had recently relapsed. He went through detox, but left early. I asked him if he talked to the addiction counsellors and he said one doctor asked him about his recovery plan. My son was just dismissive of the question, even though the doctor kindly pointed out that those who have a plan have a greater chance of success in recovery. He has an arrogant attitude about support and recovery groups as if he is somehow superior to all those people. I suspect that my son may have already relapsed because he spends a lot of time sleeping and cancelled holiday plans at the last minute because he was "sick" and when I saw him a few hours later, he looked fine. He claims to be clean still, but I don't trust him to tell me the truth if he relapses. I gave him a document of "Steps to Relapse Prevention" the last time I saw him and he rolled his eyes. My son doesn't have a doctor, and there are no doctors in town accepting new patients, so he has no medical follow-up. He is 32, unemployed and living with his aunt who is mentally ill and quite unstable, so it's a less than ideal situation. I am dealing with my own sorrow and disappointment at this latest relapse. My son previously was clean for 14 months, and I really thought he'd made it this time. I thought this nightmare was over.
My son was so bad off that I didn't think he'd ever recover. Methadone, now Suboxone, saved his life. He has been off opiates for almost 4 years now. He also had an attitude that is slowly getting better with counseling. It has been a long road, but there's slow and steady improvement. Soon he will have to think about weaning himself off the Suboxone because his insurance will run out when he turns 26 next year. That's when relapse becomes a possibility again and the whole cycle could start over. I pray that all of our sons make it through this awful disease.
My son explained that the last two times he left detox/stabilization, he had a clear plan of what he was going to do, but this time he can't envision the future. He says he's deeply depressed, more than he's ever been. He said he thinks he would benefit from some kind of residential recovery program. He has yet to make the phone calls to start that ball rolling, and I can do research on the side, but I have to let him take the initiative. My son isn't working at present, but he worked hard for the first 8 months of last year and accumulated some savings. He went travelling for a couple of months and then relapsed after he returned. He said he went through some major depression while on the road. (I'm not sure how much of his funds remain, but he does have many thousands worth of collector cards that he is able to sell online in a pinch)
Donna, that is so amazing that your son has been off opiates for 4 years! I just read a study that showed that after 5 years of abstinence, relapse is rare. Hopefully he can wean off Suboxone so incrementally that he'll adapt easily and break free.
I certainly never foresaw my life taking this turn. It's about 5 years since this nightmare started (though I didn't know about it during that first year). I have to try to count my blessings. My son had two long stretches of sobriety in there (14 months and 23 months). He's never been in jail or overdosed, or committed any robberies (to my knowledge, though he was robbed by his ex-girlfriend). He has a bit of an attitude of entitlement, but he is genuinely kind. My wish is that he would realize he doesn't have to go through this alone, and that he would reach out and give the available support services a chance. It could be happening! He is meeting with someone from a recovery organization this afternoon. He also said he's willing to talk to a counsellor, so it's a start!
A couple of very difficult things went on in our lives during this time, and my son has managed to stay strong throughout. First, his ex-girlfriend (with whom he had been involved when they both started using heroin) went missing and was later found murdered. It was a very shocking and tragic loss for all of us. My son stayed very close with her sister and mother, and they all held each other up during the most difficult of times. When I asked him if he felt that this turn of events could lead to a relapse, he said, "That would be about the dumbest thing I could possibly do". He was deeply broken hearted and had never given up hope that she would stop using, but it only confirmed his resolve to stay clean and sober.
One month later, I was diagnosed with squamous cell carcinoma in the throat and went through 7 weeks of radiation, and a long, gradual recovery. I was so wary about how this might affect my son, as he had lost his father to pancreatic cancer 5 years earlier, around the time he started using. Fortunately this type of throat cancer has an excellent survival rate, and I seem to be doing wonderfully so far. My son is 34 now with a lovely girlfriend and is doing well for himself, but family is still important at every age, and our family network is very small. My siblings are unstable (no addictions, but mental illness) and unable to be supportive, so I really hope I can stay around a few more years. There is so much tragedy around this affliction of addiction, I am holding on fervently to my dream of happy ever after.
To those going through this addiction nightmare in your families, I wish all the best. There are indeed good outcomes, although staying clean and sober is a lifetime process. I have faith that my son will stay on the right path, but I also pray & pray that it may be so always.
The addict in my life has been an addict for 40 years. When I decided I was going to be happy any way... that's the day MY life changed. His life is still destructive, but I no longer let MY serenity be wrecked.