so what was your previous name?

There really isn't any need for another test you know he is back using. When you established the boundaries to begin with what were the consequences should he go back to using.
Let him know you understand how hard the need to use can be and that you, his father and him need to decide on a plan because what he is doing isn't working. People think if they take stuff away the person will quit, but that is not always the case. The compulsion to use out weights the consequences.

Hi Blue, it was mallen1291 - still me Miranda.

Please don't get made for saying this,,,, but you and your husband are like a circus act,, your doing all the work to fix jimmy,, and what exactly is jimmy doing ?,,, I've been there,,, stop,, you can not make jimmy stop,, and your just taking "stuff" away,, things that obviously don't matter to him,,, your dealing with a child that disobeyed you that ran in the street,,, you guys have a son that's a drug addict ,this is not just bad moment,, of misbehaving,, he gets to decided he died not need out patient rehab,, but yet tried to fool you with a drug test,, and he has you guys under his thumb,,, your trapped in your home that you own,,, shoot who is calling the shots?,,, the addict is controlling you guys,,, I'm sorry if I step out of bound,, but I've Been there,,, all your doing is taking his toys away,, what consequence has he faced by not staying in rehap,what his jimmy doing to recover? I was made a fool for two years,,, all I did was support the addict,, until the consequence was you continue to use,, you made a choice to live else where,,, I love you and will support sobriety 1000x ,, trust me it hurts,,, but I'd I was going to save my daughter,, I had to step a side,, it trust it effin hurts,, I don't know where she is at the moment but I know that I did,,, everything humanly possible to fix her ,,, and it was not working,,,, so it may take 1, 5, 10 years for her to love herself as much as I do,,, to get clean,,,,I will never give up hope,,, but stopped giving in,,,, your still feeding your son filet and lobster,,, let him feel the hungar pains

Again I apigize,,, but this something I stand up a fight against the war on drugs,,, this is killing our younger generation,,, we can't just disciplin and then turn our heads,,, we must follow through !!!

Love you guys,,, I truly do not just preach,,, but I've walked in your shoes,,, the Paine is the worse thing in world


Don't be a victim held bondage to your son's addiction

Peace!!

Thank you my friend that is why I am finally putting my foot down about his living arrangements. Nothing else has worked. We took the money, phone, car, he lost his jobs etc. And meanwhile he just wants to now use again.

We had a suspicion. But the time has come. Either he wants help, and if we have to do another rehab you know we will, and stop using or he will have to go. I have half his stuff ready in garbage bags. It's time. But am I missing something?

You son needs a long term rehab where they have dual diagnosis. His addiction sounds chronic and if in a long term, given some drugs to stop the cravings he might stand a better chance. I'm sorry, I know it is hard.

So sorry to hear.. You know, when my son was "dismissed" from his IOP, his counselor told me over the phone that both he and I had worked way harder on Sam's recovery that Sam had.. Was a real "aha" moment for me.. I will be praying for you and Jimmy, for you to be strong enough to let go, and for Jimmy to hit the bottom and start his climb back up.

I would strongly suggest you seek out an Al-Anon meeting that is for parents of addicts/alcoholics. my husband and I were also held "hostage" when our daughter was staying with us. She didn't get any better. We went to a local Parents Al-Anon meeting and I am happy to say that they not only saved our lives but quite possibly our daughter's. She had lost everything. Someone at the meeting said that we were the ones "hurting" from her disease as we were the ones doing everything in our power to stop her. We were the ones sick with the stress and worry while our daughter just took the drugs and paid no consequence for her actions. We finally got the courage and strength to put her out and take the pillow from under her that was keeping her from feeling the pain of her falls. About two years after we did that, she finally hit her bottom. She began to go to Narcotics anonymous meetings, got a job, get herself a place to live and is now the assistant manager of her job. She is doing well and has told us that us quitting rescuing her from the consequences of her actions is what caused her to seek the help she desperately needed. We still go to our meetings to be there for someone coming in as the group was there for us when we walked in the door. And it keeps us in our own business and out of hers. Please look for an Al-Anon meeting. It doesn't have to be for parents as the program is the same, it's just that you may find that the people in a parent's group will understand what you are going through. Sorry, didn't mean to be so wordy.....just hope you can get the serenity you deserve. Just remember.... you didn't cause it, you can't control it. It is your son's battle to win.

if you decide to make him leave your home, let him know you love him and will help him into a long term inpatient rehab should he wish to change his life. I know how hard this is.

Miranda, I did exactly what you did, I reacted to my sons addiction as a mother trying to reprimand her son. Not as a mother who understood the disease of addiction. We can all sit here and say you must take control of your life but until your ready to do that just as until your son is ready to get clean it will not happen, I will shae this with you , when I asked my son why he chose to stop using and get sober, his reply, I knew that you and dad were no longer going to going to enable me, and I was going to really drown. I gave my son a choice either he went inpatient or he would no longer live in our home, the choice was his. It took him one week to decide, and while he was making the decision, he lived in his car. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life, but I didn't want to any longer love him to death.

Miranda,
I am sorry you're in such chaos with this...

What else can you do? You can look into this book: Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children by Allison Bottke

You can find out about it at SanitySupport.com.

It has been a life changing book for so many...myself included.

Have you tried al-anon? There's great support there, also.

Things CAN get better. Get of the roller coaster, and the spinning around in circles will cease. Your son may, or may not choose recovery... but YOUR life can improve by choosing your own recovery too. Addiction affects the entire family. Its a disease that can exhibit symptoms not only in the users life, but also in the lives of those around them.

Take care of ((you))

I am reading a book that has given me some emotional tools that might help you. It's called "Don't Let Your Kids Kill You." I recommend it.

So sorry for the pain you are going through, I think we do have to push them into a corner and take away there safe haven.
On my son last binge I told him if he didn't go to in patient treatment he couldn't live with my husband and I. He then agreed and actually wanted to go as he said he had hit his "bottom". I dropped him off at treatment yesterday, I know it is only the beginning but there is at least hope. my thoughts and prayers to you and your son.