When the pain of addiction becomes worse the pleasure of the drug, an addict will want to stop,,,, my addict is my daughter do can't really give you advice on dealing with the marriage aspect of it,,, however I can support you on directly dealing with the addict,,,

I know the greatest relief for me was finally admiting, and putting a label on my daughter,,, "heroin addict", when surrender her to my higher power ,, that's when the sense of freedom over came me,,,

Addiction is a disease , the addict can't control that message from the brain, however they are able to make a choice to use,,,

Until the addict has no other resources to fill their pleasure they get,,, they continue to keep fulfilling,, that's why when the term they must hit Rock bottom , to decide they need help,,, fighting with an addict is pointless,, they manipulate the argument, and they have control,, your husband needs to feel love, the addict could care a less, that's why it's do important to detach,,, so absolutely cover yourself, keep yourself safe ,,,

Your journey has just begun,,, keep focus, anything out of an addicts mouth are all lies,, say what you mean and mean what you say,, so example,,, if you threaten your addict about cutting off funds, or changing locks,, you better follow through,,, empty threats are just wasted air ,,,, Do NOT become addicted to your adddict,,, they are going to use regardless if you try and stop them,,, that's why it's so important to start your own recovery,,, don't do things because of them,, make yourself happy,, active user could care a less if you are or not,,,

Take an inventory if your personnel life,, and you decide what's important ir not

Girl ,,, long road ,,, just be patient, pray,, and do something crazy for yourself ,,,,, don't let the insanity of the addiction take over ,,, trust me it does


Hugs,,,,,
Kim

Kim I think that it would be a wise decision to take the money in your savings and transfer to your checking as well as cutting credit limits not sure if you could protect his 401k since that is in his name however once you have done all these things and he finds out he is going to be very angry. However we stand in the way of their drug use financially, legally, outting them to friends/family is going to trigger anger because we are trying to curb their use, Addicts are very resourceful and will figure out other ways to get their drugs so even though it makes it a little harder if you implement these changes don't expect it to stop that won't happen untill he is ready to stop with that said I still agree that you should try to protect yourself. Ihave done similar things to keep my addict ( 18 yr old son ) from having an easy time getting drugs. right now he is in recovery 105 days today and he is doing very well thank God but I still worry but have become wiser ( mostly through this website) and I have learned alot about addiction So I wish you luck and hope he decides to get himself some type of help. Dee

Hi Kim , I remember when I went to my first naranon meeting I was depressed and scared as hell. I thought this will never happen to my son, I raised him better and he is smarter little did I know he was now an addict not the gentle, sweet boy that said I love you mommy everyday and meant it. He is in recovery and clean 97 days. You are taking some very smart steps. Make sure you secure anything of value. Jewelry, laptops, iPads, anything, do nit ,eave your wallett hanging around, checkbooks, credit cards etc. Go online and have alerts put on your cards, so you know when they are being used and the amounts. This sucks but you must protect you. You will not believe what they will resort to when pinned up against the wall. It's ok to be scared, we all are. Just try to be wise, that is a learning process. I agree the 401 K will be dicey because it's in his name but the rest you are doing all the right things. Now about you do something for you run, walk, read, skydive! Ok that would be insane, but you must keep yourself mentally healthily or like me my addiction became my addict and it created a toxic environment for my husband and beautiful daughter. I have learned a lot and I am still learning, but always remember if " you don't know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice" this site was my saving grace in my darkest hours, and this two beautiful women ahead of me I call my friends. Hugs and god bless. Your friend, Dee

Kim, you are doing the right things. I know that you feel scared about what might be coming, but it's a whole lot better to be scared than to find out after the fact that you have been wiped out financially.

You are getting good advice. Here's a little more. I agree with the advice to reduce the limits on your credit cards and to monitor them (you can usually get online access). But, keep in mind that he is able to get additional credit cards in his name without you knowing about it. He can also take out loans without your knowledge. In some states they notify the spouses, but not all. The best way to check for this is to order credit reports to see if anything unexpected pops up.

You might want to check with an attorney. Depending on state law, you may be jointly liable for any debts that he runs up even if they are only in his name. An attorney could advise you on ways to protect yourself.

If you have any tax refund checks coming, be sure to watch for those, too.

You can write yourself a check on the old account and open a new one...ask any of your friends who are divorced how to do it..then, the account is still there, but the money, for the most part is safe. As for the 401K...if you do it all online, you can simply change the password. In order to take someone's name off, you have to close the account. It might hurt your credit rating to have the amount of credit you have lowered. I would ask for the card from your husband. Tell him the account has been comprimised and you have to get new cards...(or really call the credit card company and tell them that...and they will suspend the old number and reissue) and then, just delay sharing the card. If you are trying to pay off debt, just put them both away.
this is not to lie to your husband, it is to protect the family assets if he relapses. Also, keeping money from him won't prevent a relapse...it will just keep a roof over your head if he does.
If you have antique jewelry, maybe put that in a safety deposit box...

I know it is scary, but by protecting yourself, you will have a more intact family when he is well. You heard it from experts.
Hugs to you.

I was married to a crack addict, yes it can get really bad at time. I did take all the money out of bank and put it in another account in just my name. I also made sure all valuables were hid well or sent to someone who I trusted house. Some like to put them in a safe box. Credit cards were all cut up, didn't need the debt anyways. No large amount of cash was left in house. The 401K he can touch if he draws out any money before he should, when you file taxes they will be large penalties and you could end up owing the IRS.Taxes if you file together and he starts drugging up his money you may want to file separately. I just finished paying off a couple of thousand because of ex's taxes we had file together when we were still married. They don't care who pays and the person who ends up paying is the one who doesn't do drugs.
I put up with all this crap for 13 years finally I gave up. Yes they have to want to stop using and sometimes it takes years for that to happen.

Thank you, thank you for the wonderful advice, thoughts, and support. This is helping tremendously since I'm so very overwhelmed right now. And I was worried about asking for his credit card, so thanks for the idea of telling him it's been compromise, I actually do think I will just put them away, maybe even get new ones - great idea. We're going out of town to see our kids this weekend, so I'll be with my husband 24/7, but will implement some of these "safety precautions" next week. This has been such a shock, and if he puts our finances in jeopardy, it will just be that much worse. Thanks again my new friends! Kim

reported for commercial solicitation.

I found the blog site informative. Thanks for the link.