Yep, that's what happens most of the time. There is a rational behind the phrase "addiction is a family disease".

My mother in her effort to find the reasons behind my brother's addiction has blamed me quite a few times, saying that I wasn't the right role model for him. I don't consider myself a role model but I know I've always been the good kid, the straight A student, the one who always wanted to be independent financially and make something out of my life.

She was so torn apart that the only times I could put a smile on her face was when I had the opportunity to appear on... TV. Isn't that ridiculous? By the way, TV appearences were part of my job. Guess who worked her head of to get air time...

Your father is right about one thing. Your sister is sick. You have to accept that or anger and resentment will continue to evade you. I'm picking my words here, I know how you feel..

I cancelled my wedding because of my brother. That was two years ago. I am still afraid to move on with planning my wedding because my parents are most of the time, well, like ghosts. I can almost see my mother crying at my wedding and not out of joy.

It's unfair, I know. But it is what it is.

invade, not evade... so much for picking my words.. :)

Don't stop your life/wedding because of your brother. Just don't invite him. I know easier said than done. Or elope.

I know my Dad is avoiding the fact that I have serious valid points. I am the oldest of 5 and the glue of the family so when I say I am done they don't really know what to do. My brother too was a heroin addict but over came it and is successful. You would think my sister would have learned from this. I just can't put my life on hold for this. I almost called her yesterday but after the talk with my Dad I am back to screw that mentality.

not to sound disrespectful because i am also working hard to make sense of my train wreck of a life. (check out my journals for the last week or two) my husband has recently relapsed and divorce is looming, my sister is a mean drunk, my parents are dysfunctional, argumentative codependents who are just generally unpleasant to be around. i would LOVE to cancel Easter dinner, go to church alone in the morning and then fly to the bahamas to meet a sober prince charming..

Thanks for the encouragement.. I made it clear to my brother two years ago that I would invite him to the wedding only if he had some clean time.

The reason was that we had attended a cousins wedding and he was high flying embarrassing himself and making people feel awkward..

I dont care about what others think, to be honest. If they havent been through such a think they cant understand. I only cared about him..He's had enough embarrasing moments already. So, if I ever get ahead with my wedding and if he is still using, I will not invite him.

Elope.. Sounds romantic but it isnt. I kind of did it. I moved out of the family house and have been living with my fianc for the past 5 years. He is my everything. He comes home after work and our house lights up. Hes been talking about us having a child the past couple of years, he is so ready to become a father. I am depriving him of this joy though I have to get my act together.

How do you stop being afraid that something horrible will happen again and youll lose it one more time? Fear is such a bad advisor..

I am the oldest child too. It puts a burden sometimes.

Its just great to hear about your brother. How is he doing?

They are enabling the issue,, have your own Easter celebration ,, make it the best,,, this is why some addicts never successfully recover, it's almost like the are rewarding her behavior,,

Your sister is obviously has control over your parents,, has to be exhausting for them!

Don't let an addict control your life,, it then becomes our addiction

Hugs my llove
Kim

The bahamas sounds amazing and you aren't beign disrespectful. This is the third occassion in the lst few months that they ahve canceled because of her. So its more the principle of cancelling then the actual Holiday.

My Dad is 71 and went threw this with my brother who is finally healthy. Doing his masters thesis in architecture. My sister is the baby and my step mother is just living in la la land. My Dad is trying to keep the balance and I know he doesn't realize how its hurting me or my other brother.

I miss my family but until they get it together and my sis stops taking drugs and gets the help she needs I must stay away.

Thanks for all the support. i appreciate it more than words can express.

So inspiring and uplifting to read that your brother is doing so well! I'm experiencing a joy rash right now :)

rash? rush? hm..

What were you expecting, validation? Its sad, I'm sure your father feels in the middle and not really sure what he should do either way someone is going to be mad. You need to not say anything to your dad, your putting him on the spot. Your also not detaching, your letting her addiction get in the way of your happiness, you can have Easter with your own family or friends. Your dad will have to figure this our for himself.
I'm the eldest like you, we like to be in control and be the boss.
jms7229, I'm in agreement with you, lets go!!!

Thanks everybody for listening to my rant. We all strive for normalcy and eventually we will get there. Hopefully everyone will have a great holiday drama free. :)

It's hard because we have a picture of what we want (happy health family all together at big events) and then reality. I think the unhealthy tendency is to wait for everyone to get their act together to schedule these big events. But then it may never happen. And it teaches the wrong lessons. It teaches addicts that their behavior will cause the family to demonstrate love by waiting around for them so the consequence is "everyone loves me and is waiting on me." The consequence should be "everyone else is happy and having weddings and Easter and I'm missing out!" That would be a reason to get sober...

That hit a nerve bhmaguy! So true. Waiting on everything to be OK is like postponing life. Touche!

But its so completely true. I spoke with my Dad today to let him know a little about how I feel because I found out my sister showed up at the house and they all had dinner together for the holiday. He explained to me how its been hell and he was shocked she showed at the house. He said he is tired and hasn't been up to having people over and that I should never take it personally. Naturally I backed down like a 10 year old girl. No one wants to see their parent in pain.

That is true, no parent wants to see their child end up to be an addict. No matter what even if our children are grown adults we still want them to do good and it hurts us when their life is falling apart.