Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

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/ Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Anyone who had a SO that was an addict & recovered

someblonde
someblonde

For anyone who had a significant other who was an addict, and saw them through recovery... 


I'm sure there were times when it seemed like it wouldn't work. Right? Were there ever times when, even after initial physical withdrawal had finished, your partner felt like they didn't love/care for you anymore? Did they push you away? Did you two get through it? How? 


My partner and I met and fell in love while he was addicted (I did not know). I've been helping him through his recovery since finding out, but now, as he's going through his final taper and getting closer and closer to sobriety, he said that he doesn't feel a "spark" or feel sexual attraction toward me anymore. He said he loves me but isn't in love with me, and thinks maybe he only thought he could love me because he was high. 


I don't know what to do or think. I don't know if this is withdrawal talking, or if it's true, and we only fell in love because he was high, and in sobriety, he wouldn't have chosen me (his words...). If it's withdrawal, then time will help, I hope. If it is the truth and not withdrawal, I still want to fix it, and he does, too. We've invested a LOT in each other and love each other very much. 


I'm so lost. Has anybody experienced something like this and come out on the other side? Please help me. 


For context, we're engaged and have been living together for almost two years, dating longer, so this isn't some new relationship or an easy "walk away" situation. I don't want to spend my life wondering about this. He and I have been through heaven and hell together and I just want us to have our happy future... we're so close.

cbgrace1980
cbgrace1980
I am sorry you are going through this. I am glad he is getting closer to sobriety! That is great news! Have you thought about talking to a counselor about how to approach this situation? My father was an addict who never sought sobriety, so I am encouraged that is happening here. I know his words are painful to you. He may not be thinking clearly depending on how many years of abuse he's had. I hope that you can find someone to talk to that will help you understand what he's feeling chemically. Hang in there! You are being brave!
Aronia
Aronia
My bf is an alcoholic. He has been sober for over 2 years. My mother and uncle were also severe alcoholics.

One of the problems is that even when they are sober, they still act like addicts... there is a lot of mood swings, up and down depression alternating with highs, selfishness, times when they want to be alone and not be involved with your problems or your life.. in my experience it never goes away.
Can you accept this behavior and not take it personally ?
I struggle with it . There is always a feeling that you are going to be left behind at a critical moment because they are emotionally unstable and are barely holding on..
mindalz
mindalz
I’m so sorry. This is my biggest fear that after fighting for 5 years to get my husband of 25 years sober that he will not want me when he gets the old him back. Because I feel he has nearly destroyed the old me in the process of his addiction journey. I’m just trying to be positive as best I can and if he chooses to be that selfish there is nothing I can do about it in the end. It’s will be so very hard but I deserve a good love. As do you. We don’t owe them anymore than what we have given them. It will be just difficult to know when is the time we put ourselves first. I wish you strength in your journey.