My mother died 4 years ago and I found myself thinking about what a horrible mother she was. My mother walked out on her 4 kids when I was 4 years old. She reappeared again when I was 45. Then, she died. I can not think of 1 good thing about my mother. So the answer to your question is yes, it does happen. Don't feel bad about your feelings. I have learned that it only rips you up inside. Hugs to you!

It is normal for you to be angry . Anger is part of the grieving process. You will eventually reach acceptance. Good luck.

City,

It's a relief to know there's at least someone out there who's gone through the same emotions I have about my mother after she died.

I know I'll get past it, when I'm ready, and it's not that I feel bad for feeling angry - I don't... It's the opposite actually, I don't feel she deserves my compassion right now. So, I guess I feel justified with how I feel (whether it's right or wrong).

As I said, I know my feelings will change at some point (I'm currently working to sort it all out, and I have in the past too), it's just where I am right now.

Thanks for the feedback so far.

Hi Rose, My Mom died on the 9th of Sept. I had to go Satellite Beach for her memorial. I don't think there are any so called "normal" feelings after the death of someone such as your Mom either. I didn't cry a whole lot. Which I thought was strange. She was never mean to me, but wasn't real loving either. Eventho I know she loved me. Since I have been back home tho I do cry sometimes. It is the first thing I think of when I wake up. The day after I got home is when I found out my Ex has been sentenced to 24 months in prison. All week long I have felt very strange like I'm in a bubble and the whole world is just going on as usual! Very bizarre feeling. My daughter has a Masters Degree in Social Work and she told me what I am feeling is extreme stress. After my divorce, losing my home, my dog dying, then my 2nd husband passed on Jan. 24 so it has been a long and rough 2 years. Just be kind to yourself, know that everyone grieves differently. And take it one small step at a time. Do what makes YOU feel best. Hugs and God Bless, Deb

Years ago, I was having a pity party. I was crying about my mother leaving when my little brothers were 8 and 9. And reappearing when they were 20 and 21. Someone in group therapy said, well at least she wasn't there to beat the crap out of them everyday. She came back when she was able to. I was stunned at his words and thought how could he be so mean. Today I realize it's true. Though we don't always see it, from every negative there is a positive. Things are non-duality they are neither all good nor all bad. My mother had "issues" and until she was able to deal with some of them (not all) it is true, it was better that she not be around young impressionable children and have them repeat that cycle. While it's true you will go through the stages of grieving, for me it helps me consider the non duality of events.
God Bless.

I'm going through a lot of that now. My mother died l5 years ago and I still have trouble thinking about the things that happened living with her. When she died though I felt a great loss. But then some time afterwards I was angry at all the problems she caused. She was very narcisstic and hated be touched. So she was never there for me...ever. Literally not for anything in my life. She was also a game player and like to play tricks on me.
It's hard to forgive although I know your suppose to. I just wonder if we always really should forgive. It sometimes makes you feel like a "doormat". But I try.

Thanks Scot.

It makes me feel better when I see I'm not alone with what I've experienced or how I feel - as much as I wouldn't wish pain on anyone. It just feels less isolating when people have been there and really understand.

Re: forgiveness... My understanding is that forgiving someone is more about ourselves than the other person. It's kind of a letting go of the baggage or turmoil you feel inside, in an attempt to free yourself from the pain and anguish and move forward. It's about us not them.

I guess it also relinguishes their control over us in a way too - no longer being under their reigns of feeling hurt.

It's a good point though b/c I know I've forgiven my mother for certain things that have caused me pain (I wrote letters to my parents years ago, b/c of reading a book called Toxic Parents), however, I guess part of my mourning her death will be getting to the point where I can fully accept and forgive what happened, in order for me to move on from it all.

Thanks again.

Cheryl