Al-Anon helped me a lot. It was slow but sure. Sometimes you have to try more than one group to feel comfortable, but give any group at least three chances. You won't be sorry. Good luck!

Hi Mossy, glad you are here. If you are anything like I was when it hit me I needed support, you will love this site, Al-anon will be a God-sent. Also, I go to therapy, I've learned to set boundaries and take care of myself instead of putting all of my energy into taking care of my AH who is also addicted to pain meds. Yes put yourself first now, get the help you need. He has to do it himself, the addiction comes first for him. Good luck

For majority Alanon is great for a few not so. I know for me it helped me with somethings and then reading helped me alot along with one on one counseling.
It wasn't easy letting go and saying I can't make AH now ex stop using drugs. If I could, I would of moved mountains to help him. so it all comes down to taking care of yourself, learning to except his addiction is his problem and out of your control. Then learning to set boundaries and eventually deciding how long you want to live like this, one, two, five, ten, fifteen or more years.
Good luck, glad you found us.

I contacted the director of the Al-anon group yesterday, may go eat lunch with him today and get a little more information. I ordered a book called "why don't they just quit" or something along those lines. Glad to meet you folks, I hope you all have a great day today.

I have read several posts on here that are very similar to my situation, and it does not look like the odds of my wife beating this at this point are very good in comparison to some of your experiences. She used for over 5 years before I ever found out, we divorced as she had started another relationship with a coworker. This was about 2 years ago, she got in trouble for pills at work last year and had to do a 6 month counseling/NA meeting schedule to keep her job, during which time she and I discussed and began working on reconciling our marriage/family. After her probation she quit the meetings instantly, and I would find empty pill bottles from time to time, but still had no idea of the extent of use. We did re-marry last June, I put her in rehab for the first time two Saturdays ago after she blacked out at her current job. I see a lot of folks saying it is just up to how long you want to put up with it, I know I am becoming tired of the roller coaster ride, and am not really sure how to live with it since she lies about it so well most of the time. I have hopes that she can overcome this, and we can raise our children together, and have a life together, but it seems the more I have learned over the last two weeks that hope seems like a long shot.

Mossyhorn yes you get the drift of it. Its how long you want to ride the roller coaster. Chances of her quitting are slim. My counselor told me that addiction counselors are told not to get all excited if someone is in rehab because majority keep coming back and never get clean.
The ones who do get and stay clean are in rehab type structure for at least a year.

I hope you will find this group a big support for you, it helps me a lot.

It sounds like your wife has not yet hit rock bottom and is not truly ready to quit using. I don't think any kind of rehab will work until she decides to do it for herself.

We had a family/counseling session today at the recovery center, this is the third one I have attended, but the first one that she actually participated in. She talked and cried about some of her issues instead of just listening to everyone else. She looked better than she has in a long time. The counselor outlined exactly what I have learned here and in other places I have looked for information, support them if they are not using, let them deal with consequences if they are using. I also received a book that I ordered today called "Why don't they just quit" by Joe Herzanek. Have any of you seen any of his videos or read any of his material? I hope you all had a great day.

When I can, I do what I can to advocate for the innocent kids caught up in these sad situations. It is so important that the non-addicted parent does everything possible to not get as sick as the addict. The longer you are with the addict, the more likely this is to happen and you will find yourself addicted to the addict. It's called codependence.

Your kids need at least one healthy parent to give them any chance of for the childhood they deserve. Please, please stay aware of how your kids are doing while you and your wife are going through the chaos and drama of addiction.

If you do get involved in Al-Anon or Nar-Anon, give yourself over to the program as soon as you can in order to get the most out of it for you and your kids. Don't let them get lost while you are going through all of this.

welcome, I also am married to an addict. It's been a tough road and many painful events. I agree don't get yourself sick or try to control the addict. I did that for a few years then stopped (per a therapist). I know am in a support group and learning the 12 steps for me! I don't want to be as sick as the addict. My husband has battled pain pills for years--our entire marriage and probably before that. He now is in a drug program with Greenbriar (outside patient) and NA--has been 90 days clean and with both of us in therapy I'm hoping for happy ending. I keep praying. God hears all prayers but remember it son his terms. Try to be patient, go to therapy, and if you have kids please try to focus on them and not the addiction. God Bless.