Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
Hi everyone.
My mother died in Feb, 7 months ago. I began mourning her death for the first couple of days, then, feeling overwhelmed by also suffering from a herniated disk and the breakup of an important relationship (father of my baby), having occurred all in the same week, I put my mother's death on hold (emotionally). I decided I just wasn't going to face it because I was just too overwhelmed by everything that was happening at the same time.
Fastforward... I've began journaling, at home, and found that I'm stuck in anger toward my mother right now. I don't feel compassion about her death at the moment. Although how she died is sad - alone in her apt, having been deceased for 3 weeks to a month... Not a nice picture.
Sadly, I remember probably more hurtful and negative memories about my mother and how she was with me. She was a binge drinker, and could be very mean (even when she wasn't drinking). And this is the stuff coming up for me right now (although I have dealt with these many pains of the past before and have been to Alanon). I'm finding it hard to mourn someone I found to be very hurtful much of the time. I know she loved me, but I'm stuck in anger and indifference toward her. Logically, I know it's sad she died, but emotionally, I'm having a hard time having any compassionate feelings for her right now.
Anyone else experience a similar situation?
Otherwise, any feedback would be welcome.
Thanks.
Posted
My mother died in Feb, 7 months ago. I began mourning her death for the first couple of days, then, feeling overwhelmed by also suffering from a herniated disk and the breakup of an important relationship (father of my baby), having occurred all in the same week, I put my mother's death on hold (emotionally). I decided I just wasn't going to face it because I was just too overwhelmed by everything that was happening at the same time.
Fastforward... I've began journaling, at home, and found that I'm stuck in anger toward my mother right now. I don't feel compassion about her death at the moment. Although how she died is sad - alone in her apt, having been deceased for 3 weeks to a month... Not a nice picture.
Sadly, I remember probably more hurtful and negative memories about my mother and how she was with me. She was a binge drinker, and could be very mean (even when she wasn't drinking). And this is the stuff coming up for me right now (although I have dealt with these many pains of the past before and have been to Alanon). I'm finding it hard to mourn someone I found to be very hurtful much of the time. I know she loved me, but I'm stuck in anger and indifference toward her. Logically, I know it's sad she died, but emotionally, I'm having a hard time having any compassionate feelings for her right now.
Anyone else experience a similar situation?
Otherwise, any feedback would be welcome.
Thanks.
Posted
It's hard when someone dies and nothing has been resolved. But it's not your fault. I still have moments when I think about how angry I am that she just let things go and then left. I guess we have to keep trying to let it go and move on. I think the thoughts will pass through our minds on occasion and we have to let them pass and not go deep into our thinking. After all it wasn't you. Letting go is hard but you need to move on.
If it were me, I'd see a therapist. My mother was a ragaholic and would physically abuse us if she didn't get her way. Through years of counseling I have learned to own my feelings and give her the right to be who she is... without carrying any anger. But, it wasn't easy and it took over 10 years of therapy.
Whatever help you can get, go for it!
God Bless.
I guess I've just now began to allow myself to grieve - I've been avoiding it altogether. And once I was ready to face my feelings about her death, anger is what was there.
She was unresponsive to my phone message, in our last interaction, when I wanted to bring my daughter (her granddaughter) and boyfriend to meet her and my dad for xmas, and that's how things were left (even though our interactions were good before that). So, I guess things are still somewhat unsettling for me. It's just hard to feel compassion for someone like that, but I know I'll get there (I'm willing to) as I continue my healing journey.